Niagara Falls Casino Gaming, Poker, Tournaments, Live

My first real taste of poker came in grade 10. I was maybe fifteen, sixteen at the time, and we organized a five card draw game during second period spare. Eventually we got busted by the teachers. I was eighteen when the poker boom hit. My friends and I played $5 SNGs and WPT Tournaments were a big deal on TV. Then a .10/.25 NLHE home game (some nights .25/.50). This game was classic. Actually I played a rather effective loose aggro style at the time. Well I would switch gears, a bit looser early on, some bluffs, and then straight value towards the end of the night. Really we didn't know anything, but we the great thing about poker is you only have to be slightly better than your opponents.
There was a raked 1/2 game in my town, the Rounders Club or something they called themselves, that I cut my eyeteeth on. Then casino trips. I remember sitting down at a 5/10 limit hold'em game. This was so long ago people actually played limit hold'em.
One day there was a tournament in town, someone had rented a warehouse and set up a tournament. I busted in the tournament with an underpair to the top pair, but with the $200 I had left in my pockets I cleaned up on the cash game, playing 1/2 with a bunch of degenerate cabbies. I'd swing crazy amounts online. I was still in high school the first time I ran up a tiny amount of money to three grand on pokerstars, before losing it all quickly. I was fairly degenerate at that age, but we were young and invincible. I went broke a bunch of times, and then scraped together a bankroll and grinded online.
At one point I moved to Niagara Falls to try my hand at live poker. It went pretty decently for a couple of months. It was full ring NLHE, and the games were very soft, filled with rich tourists. I was living in a nearby hotel and grinding the casino all day. One day I tried my hand at blackjack and lost almost ten grand. I had a ton of cash on me, from all my poker winnings, and I started degening on blackjack for a while. I ran pretty good and had a stash of 5k chips. Then I started losing a bunch of my profits back. That is when I learned about card counting online. With my history at the casino as a whale, I was able to count full time in the high limit room for about ten days straight. And any time the count started to drop I would just hop to another table. There was always a new deck, ready to go. So I played A TON of rounds. And my poker career had steeled me not to hit and run. And I play very fast. The result was a huge winning streak. I was using a fairly aggressive spread, 1 to 16 on black. By the time they banned me I had around $200,000. Paranoid, I spent that night in a hotel.
From that point I was backed off, so I travelled Canada playing blackjacked, getting backed off and banned with my high stakes action.
more to come

The following contains a transcript from a short radio broadcast that has been picked up by various listeners across the continental United States. Many have been perplexed by its sudden appearance and how it seems to preempt whatever song or radio program they are listening to at the time. It has even been known to appear on streaming programs such as podcasts or Spotify. Listeners have described hearing different episodes and there have been many situations and incidents.
A 23 year old college student named Yuvisela contacted me with her account of hearing the broadcast. She and her boyfriend had encountered the broadcast while driving one sultry summer afternoon from Austin, TX.
So I have this thing with waterfalls. I’m a little obsessed with them. In my free time and when I’m not paying attention in lecture, I like to look on the internet at pictures of them and daydream that I’m there: the roar of the splashing water, the white foamy spray, my bare toes dipped into the icy spring. I’ve got a Pinterest page with hundreds of falls that I would like to visit one day. Niagara, Havasu, Victoria Falls, Gullfoss, Iguazu; they’re all on there. I keep them all catalogued for my bucket list.
Yet, how many people go to the grave with their bucket list hardly finished? I bet a lot.
My boyfriend, Gabriel, likes to mess with me about my obsession. He’ll come up behind me while I’m on my computer or look over my shoulder at my phone and see that I’m looking at waterfalls.
“Don’t go chasing waterfalls, stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to,” he’ll sing when he catches me. It’s this old song he knows, TLC or something. He’s about six years older than me. I’ll joke with him to leave me alone and quit singing that old music, ask him if he used to listen to that on an 8-track or something.
“No, my older sister listened to it on CD. You know CD’s? Those little plastic things with the holes in them? That little slot in your car’s stereo, a CD goes in there. They don’t make ‘em in the new cars anymore.”
We’ve had a variation of this same conversation a bunch of times. It’s kind of a running joke between the two of us—him poking fun at my waterfall obsession and me making fun of how old he is—and while he thinks the waterfall thing is a cute little quirk of mine, he also has been supportive of my passion. That’s why he surprised me with the trip that summer. He knew that I was yearning to see some of these places. He knew that he wanted to make me happy. He knew that my resources were limited. He knew that we weren’t getting any younger; I was 23 and still had a semester to go.
But he also knew that we weren’t getting any richer, either. At least not anytime soon. I know I’m a little bit older for a college student, but it’s taken me a bit longer on account of having to work and stuff. I can’t take a full load every semester. Money’s always tight. I work full time and barely stay ahead, even sending some of my money to help my mom out. Gabriel offered to help me out some and we’d even talked about moving in together, but we had only been together a year at that point and I wasn’t quite ready.
Before my dad had passed, I’d promised him that I was going to get my college degree and I wanted to do it all on my own. While I loved Gabriel and could see myself marrying him, I didn’t want to deal with a transition like that so close to the finish line. Besides, we were getting along so well as it was. Why mess with a good thing?
And it was a good thing that kept better. Just when I thought that I couldn’t love Gabriel more, on my birthday he surprised me with the best present I’ve ever gotten. It was a little black notebook with this kind of leathery cover. While the notebook itself was nice, it was what was inside that was the true present. At some point, he had gone onto my Pinterest page and written down page after page of waterfalls, organizing them by country and state. He had put little squares beside them, boxes to check off. The last two pages were Texas and Oklahoma. He had written a note there. It read:

“Let’s start now...”
-Gabriel

* * *
So far, the trip had been a blast. We had started out in Abilene where we both lived and where I attended college. From there, we went to a place called Gorman Falls at this state park. It was one of the tallest waterfalls in the state and all of the foliage and moss around it was lush and green and for a while, if I crossed my eyes just right it was like I wasn’t even in Texas.
We couldn’t hit all the sites in a day. It was a road trip with multiple nights in hotels. After Gorman Falls and staying at a hotel, we headed towards Austin and stopped off at Hamilton Pool Preserve. The waterfall wasn’t as tall as Gorman, but I have to say I liked it better. The water formed a curtain as it poured off of a rocky shelf and into this sunken grotto of blue green water.
We stayed at this magical place for hours, swimming in the water and soaking up the sun. I could’ve stayed longer, but it was starting to get crowded, so we headed to Austin for a night on the town on 6th Street.
The next day we slept in and got a late start on the road. Lunch was at a Whataburger outside Waco. We sat and ate our food and looked at our phones. I browsed Instagram and my eyes skimmed over a gorgeous site. Yep, another waterfall. I slid my phone over to Gabriel.
“Look!” I said.
“Am I supposed to be looking at the butt or the waterfall?” he asked. An Instagram model was standing with her back to the camera, looking up at the water in awe.
“The waterfall, silly.”
“Seriously, that skinny white girl ain’t got nothing on you. Better let me take a look, just to be sure.”
I stood and twirled around quickly, teasing him. “Ok, so back to the waterfall. Did you look at it?”
“Yeah, it’s beautiful babe. Where was this one?”
“Iceland,” I sighed.
“Oh, right.”
“It’s not looking good for the time being. Maybe in a few years, yeah?”
“Just gotta see how the election goes. I ain’t holding my breath.”
See, neither of us were U.S. citizens. We were what you call DACA recipients. Both of us had wound up in America via illegal means on behalf of our parents, back when we were kids. This was when we were too young to have any say in the matter. I can hardly remember my life before, my life back in Mexico. I grew up here, went to school here. Texas and America is the only home I’ve ever known. Gabriel, he was originally from Guatemala. His situation is more or less the same.
If we were to leave the country, then we might risk not being able to get back in. You could apply for eligibility to travel if you had special circumstances, but they didn’t allow travel for leisure. We didn’t even have passports. Until then, our dreams of traveling—something we both wanted to do—were just that: dreams.
There was a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel. Obama and that DREAM act, I’m sure you’ve heard of it. You know, the dreamers or whatever? That’s what they call us. I guess they call it that because it’s just a freaking fantasy that disappears at the slightest thing—the sunrise, your phone alarm—out of your grasp as soon as you start your day.
Anyways, I applied for the DREAM act, but it hasn’t been a guarantee. We’re all stuck in a sort of limbo, waiting for the people in Washington to figure out what the hell to do with us, using us as a bargaining chip.
Not Gabriel though, he didn’t apply for the act. Part of it was that he was bad about procrastinating. The other part was that he was paranoid about signing up. I told him that he was an idiot and if he blew his chance to become a legal permanent resident, then I wouldn’t follow him to Guatemala if he got deported. He told me that he didn’t trust the program, that once they had you in the system they could track you easier, keep tabs on you. Said he knew a guy that got deported this way. I told him that the guy must’ve gotten into some legal trouble, a DUI or something, to have been deported.
“We’re all just one slip up from some legal trouble. Hell, some people consider us illegal right now,” he had said.
It was hard to argue against that, I guess. At least he knew where he stood, didn’t have that false hope. Sometimes I think it’s the hope that gets you, makes things worse.
Gabriel frowned and handed the phone back to me, looked out the window and took a sip of his Coke. I suddenly felt bad and ungrateful. Here was this amazing man that had planned out an awesome road trip just for me and I was busy looking at other far off adventures, not appreciating what I had right in front of me, the moment I was living in right now.
I leaned forward and kissed him. "I don't care where I'm at as long as you're with me," I said and he smiled.
What I told him just then, it was true. That didn’t mean I was going to grow complacent and quit dreaming.
They did call us dreamers after all.
It was one of those giant truck stops, the kind that was a little smaller than a Wal-Mart or Target, but just barely. We filled up and paced around inside and looked at the aisles and aisles of candy, the funny toys and souvenirs, and the tacky t-shirts.
“Hey Yuvi, whaddaya say? It’s your size.” Gabriel asked, holding up a black t-shirt with glittery letters. “PROUD TRUCKER WIFE” it read.
“Only if you get that one,” I said, pointing at a T-shirt with a semi-truck on it that read “I JUST DROPPED A LOAD”.
“Eww,” Gabriel said, laughing.
We both wandered around on our own. They had a huge candy section and I was looking to see if they had any vero elotes candy. I had just found a bag on a bottom shelf when Gabriel came skipping up.
“We are so getting this,” he said, holding up a plastic CD case.
“What is it?”
“Best of the ‘90s. It’s got your song on there, see? ‘Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls.’ Can we get it? It’s only 3.99.”
“Ha, ok. But only if you buy me this,” I said, handing him the candy.
There was traffic from hell just south of Denton on account of construction and a car wreck or two. We were stop-and-go for what seemed like an hour. I was passenger side and Gabriel idled along.
“Ok. I think now’s the time to break out this bad boy,” Gabriel said as he started tearing at the plastic wrap around the CD case.
“I think this is the first time I’ve even used the CD player in this car.”
“Aw hell yeah,” Gabriel said as the first song started playing. “Gettin’ Jiggy With It.”
“Getting what, now?”
“It’s your boy, Will Smith. Y’know the Fresh Prince? Betcha didn’t know he had a little music career.”
“That guy from I Am Legend and Aladdin?”
Gabriel rolled his eyes. “I guess. His older work is much better.”
“Well I don’t know. You act like you're this old and wise millennial. You’re not that much older than me, y’know.”
“I’m telling ya, my Gen-X sister raised me on all of this stuff. I think she was Gen-X. I don’t know the damn cutoffs. Anyways, she babysat me a lot growing up while Mama was working and stuff. She cultured my little ass. Ooh, here it is!”
A new song started playing. I couldn’t help but laugh at how it started. “It sounds like porn music!”
“Nah, shhhh. Shhh.” Gabriel bobbed his head along to the beat.
The chorus started to worm it’s way into my head. The song was ok, I guess. I still can’t really listen to it to this day.
“You gotta listen to this dope rap coming up,” Gabriel said.
There was the sound of hissing and popping, wet logs burning in a fire. Whispers intermingled with the sound effects. One of the voices rose above the others and said “Listen!” harshly in Spanish, you know, “Escuchen! Escuchen!”, several times.
We both looked at each other with wide eyes. The traffic crept forward slowly and Gabriel kept his hands on the wheel and I kept mine in my lap and that’s when he started to talk. It was this happy sounding older guy, talking right there on my car’s speakers.
Gooood afternoon folks, Buck Hensley here with a special rush hour edition of “The Rules of the Road”. Hope ya’ll are doing alright out there while you’re idling on the clogged arteries of America’s highways and byways, breathing in those delicious exhaust fumes. I know that good ol’ Mother Earth likes to take a big fat rip of that stuff from time to time, although as of late she seems to be getting quite a contact high from that delicious Co2 and starting to feel the effects just a little too much.
And yet you all keep puff-puffing and passing, never slowing down. What with your jet planes and your driving and your travel and your neverending consumption and your cow farts and whatnot. All I’m saying is that you folks might wanna slow down a bit on that stuff, because I’ve seen the end results and all I can say is that they are hilarious. But I understand if you wanna keep on keeping on and having a good time. All I can say is smoke ‘em if you got ‘em.
Speaking of good times, that reminds me of today’s special “Rule of the Road”. You’re gonna want to listen to this one as it’s all about good times. Why that was Carla’s favorite sitcom for a spell there, “Good Times”. She’d watch reruns on into the night, the TV casting a pale glow that was kinda comforting across the bed, and I’d wake up to live studio laughter and her snoring softly beside me, the serene look of slumber on her face and the years I’d wasted.
Gabriel and I both looked at eachother. He shrugged and reached for the stereo. I shooed his hand away. I wanted to listen to it. The voice continued.
But I digress...well now, on to today’s “Rule of the Road”. If at any point during your journey you stop off for a pitstop or a potty break and you enter a public restroom to do your business, take note of the writing on the stalls. You might notice some graffiti that reads, “For a Good Time, Call” and then a phone number listed after it. If you do notice this, then take the number down for later use. Whenever you are in dire need of a good time, then give that number a call.
Now before you go off with a bee in your bonnet and tell me how you ain’t gonna call no sketchy phone number taken off a lady’s or men’s room wall, let me just tell you that this will be worth it. You can trust me. When has old Bucky ever let ya down?
I know what you’re gonna say next though, you’re gonna say, “Buck, I don’t ever call no numbers on my phone. I’m deathly afraid of voices on the other line. If I can’t text and send little emojis and the like, then forget it. If I can’t use an app to order Thai food or a pizza, then I go hungry that night. I haven’t even made an appointment to a doctor since I’ve lived with my parents. What if since we can’t see each other’s faces we start talking at the same time and we talk over each other and then say, ‘oops sorry, no you go ahead’ and then we both say it again at the same time and then we both start trying to talk again and then get stuck in some sort of infinite loop?”
And to that I say, “fair enough.” Don’t use the phone. The consequences of not following this rule are a little less dire than previous rules you may have heard. If you don’t follow this rule then you will simply miss out on a good time. That’s it. But you wouldn’t want to miss out on anything, would ya?
Welp. That’s all I’ve got on this fine late afternoon. May the wind be always at your back, your picnic basket full of snacks, and your cheese ever be pepper jack. Ya’ll stay sane out there. Stay symbiotic. Stay lonely. I'm Buck Hensley and these are "The Rules of the Road".
The voice instantly stopped and the song returned playing. Gabriel had a dumbfounded look on his face.
"What the hell?" he said and tried to rewind the CD.
"Umm, was that part of the song? Maybe a different version?"
"No way," he said and kept rewinding and playing the song over. The little skit that we heard never returned.
“Weird,” I said.
“Beats the heck out of me.”
“Maybe the CD is haunted. That was pretty spooky, y’know? That voice telling us to listen.”
“Maybe it was like a hidden track or something. They used to put those on CD’s back in the day. And this CD was pretty cheap and has all these songs on it. Could’ve been like a pirated deal.”
We weren’t really scared by the broadcast or whatever it was, just more confused. It was only looking back that we saw the importance of what we had heard and how from there our path seemed to be led a certain way.. At the time it was just this weird little thing, a funny little mystery that was forgettable for the time being.
We crept along for a while without incident, the traffic slowly gaining momentum. The music on the CD played on as usual and we heard no extra voices. The songs played like they were supposed to. Everything was fine.
Of course, outside of Gainesville, it hit me. I had been trying to ignore it and power through until we stopped for the night, but I had the sudden urge to pee. All that slow traffic and iced tea and a bottle of water must’ve caught up with me. This was intense. Usually I could hold it pretty good, but I had to get Gabriel to stop at the first exit we saw.
It was this gas station kind of off by itself and it was all dingy and old and faded and didn’t look the cleanest. Gabriel parked and my lower stomach and bladder ached as soon as I stood up and got out of the car. I burst into the place and made a beeline towards the restroom, over in the corner past the ATM and the glass fridges down a hall with burnt out fluorescent lights.
They were singles that you could lock, one for men and one for women. The floor was sticky and paper towels piled out of a trash can and a strip of toilet paper floated in a pool of standing water. A condom dispensing machine was on the wall opposite the toilet.
It wasn’t the worst public restroom I’d ever used and I didn’t have many options; I was literally about to piss myself. I would have to do the hover move over the toilet seat. No seat covers in a joint like this and I didn’t have time to prep it with toilet paper anything.
So I was doing my business, my thighs burning from the squat, and kind of laughing to myself at the condom dispenser machine with its brands like the “FRENCH TICKLER” and that’s when I saw it, the graffiti written in Sharpie, right there on the vending machine. It said, “For A Good Time, Call 9xx-XXX-XXXX [Redacted]”.
After I finished and had washed my hands, I snapped a pic of the graffiti. I figured Gabriel would get a kick out of it.
“You’re supposed to call it. That’s the rule,” Gabriel said when I showed him.
“I’m too nervous. You call. You heard it, too.”
“Chicken.”
“Yep.”
“How many of those things do you even see? I’ve seen them all the time. I bet it’s just dudes pranking each other or fucking with their ex-girlfriends.”
“Well I found it in the ladies room, so hopefully it wasn’t dudes.”
“Okay, you enter it in your phone and I’ll dial. I’ll try to do a caller ID block or something. Let’s just see what happens.”
“Are you sure?”
“Eh come on. Maybe it’s fate.”
The Texas travel center appeared on the southbound side of the interstate and we were soon crossing the Red River on into Oklahoma as I transcribed the numbers from the picture to the keypad on my dialer.
A large casino came into view. It was ginormous with this sort of facade of all these famous buildings on its outside. I could see Big Ben and that Roman coliseum and all these other world architecture things. The casino just stretched on and on.
“Aw, not again,” Gabriel said.
I had just finished transposing the number into the phone. The crazy casino had distracted me. “What is it, babe?”
“Another jam.”
The traffic was veering into the right hand lane, but it was still moving at a decent clip, like 45 mph or something. After a mile of this, I could see a couple of highway patrol cars parked across the interstate, blocking both lanes of traffic. A state trooper stood out in the middle, waving a flashlight thing and directing traffic to take the exit. There was still about an hour of daylight left and you couldn’t even see the light. He was just using it as a baton. Somewhere off in the distance there was a thick wall of smoke filling the evening sky with this surreal haze.
“Wonder what’s going on?” I asked.
“Who knows? Grassfire, maybe.”
We followed the other cars and trucks down the exit ramp. Some turned right, some turned left.
“Right or left? Right or left?” Gabriel asked.
There seemed to be more cars turning left. Maybe they knew something we didn’t. But then, we would be stuck behind them and it was getting dark and we were already behind schedule. I wanted to get the hell out of the car.
“Um, right! Right,” I said, trying to pull up the GPS on my phone. It was lagging and my service had kicked over to 3G. “Freaking Verizon,” I muttered.
We drove down a highway past empty fields fenced off by barbed wire. There were houses and barns and oilfield pump jacks every so often, but not much else. No gas stations or a sign of a town or much else, really. After driving into all this nothingness for a while, my phone completely lost all signal. The cars around us thinned out and there was only a black SUV in front of us.
“Hey babe, I have no service and can’t pull up the GPS. Wanna turn back around?”
“Nah, let’s just keep going. We’ve come this far, yeah? We’ll hit a main road eventually, get some service.”
I sighed in response as he kept driving, let him know I didn’t approve.
“We’ll turn north soon, ok? All roads lead to Turner Falls.”
I checked my phone every fifteen seconds, looking for a signal.
“C’mon Gabe, we’re gonna get lost out here. Let’s just go back, follow the other cars or see if they’ve opened up the interstate again.”
“Look, this looks like a good road. We’ll cut north here and drive aways and then cut back west towards the interstate. It’s literally impossible to get lost out here. Just trying not to lose any more time.”
But it wasn’t so simple and the nervous feeling in my stomach was validated when the road we drove north on turned to gravel. The sun was long gone and our headlights cut a tunnel through the night as barbed wire whizzed by, separating us from pastures that were elevated above the road on grassy rises. I started to fear the worst, thinking of every horror movie I’d ever seen that had started out this way: the headstrong man refusing to admit that he was lost and didn’t know where he was going and the increasingly pissed off and worried girl that was with him.
“Babe, please just turn around,” I pleaded.
“Ok, ok. Still no signal, eh?”
I looked down at my phone. Finally, there was one bar of service. “Yes! Hang on.”
“Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck,” Gabriel said, his voice growing louder.
My stomach dropped as what appeared in the rear view mirror was just as scary as any sort of Freddy or Jason or Leatherface from the big screen.
Part 2

Below I’ve listed every law that was broken in The Office (from destruction of property and battery to homicide and kidnapping) whether legal action was taken or not, as well as ideas that people had that were illegal; I’m not a legal expert, I just have a lot of much free time (I labeled the episodes the same way that Netflix does.)
S1E3: Dwight claims that multiple people in the office forged medical forms for their health insurance plans
S1E6: Michael claims that Dunder Mifflin employees in the 80’s constantly used cocaine
S2E1: Pam, Kelly, and Phyllis reveal that there is something written on the women’s bathroom wall, later Pam reveals to Jim that she was the one who wrote it; people throw food at Michael (would fall under battery)
S2E2: Packer reveals that he’s been convicted of a DUI
S2E3: Dwight reveals that sometimes teenagers use his farm for sex (depending on their ages, this may be illegal as the Pennsylvania age of consent is sixteen)
S2E6: Dwight punches Michael in the stomach twice with considerable force (Michael does bait him into doing it though)
S2E8: Jim punctures a hole in Dwight’s “fitness orb” with a pair of scissors; it is implied that a former accountant killed himself; Dwight reveals that he made a copy of Michael’s key to the office
S2E10: Meredith flashes Michael in his office
S2E11: Michael tells everyone on the cruise that the ship is sinking when there’s no danger (creating a false panic is illegal in most cases)
S2E12: Dwight crashes his car into a telephone pole outside of the office and leaves his bumper in the street
S2E14: Michael says that Packer once held a man’s head into a toilet; it is also implied that Packer was the one who defecated in Michael’s office
S2E15: Michael causes lots of damage in the warehouse by improperly using the lift (he also doesn’t have a license to operate it)
S2E16: Michael jaywalks (technically illegal though typically not enforced); Michael comments that someone was pooping in a cardboard box in the subway
S2E17: Dwight tackles Ryan, Creed, and Stanley to the ground
S2E19: Michael finds out that he’s involved in a pyramid scheme
S2E20: Dwight finds a joint in the parking lot (Pennsylvania didn’t make steps to decriminalize marijuana until 2014); Michael believes he unknowingly smoked marijuana at a concert; Dwight gives Michael some of his urine so that he can pass a drug test
S2E21: Creed faces sideways after his company photo is taken, implying that he’s been arrested in the past
S2E22: Creed steals casino chips and also admits to stealing things all of the time; Dwight kisses Angela and she hits him in response (though it seems like both parties were okay with the outcome)
S3E1: Roy reveals that he was arrested for drunk driving
S3E4: Creed reveals that the reason Ed Truck got decapitated was because he was driving drunk (though this was never confirmed and Creed tends to lie); the bird funeral is lit on fire (probably illegal as they did not have a permit and it was mainly paper and not wood)
S3E5: Ryan and Dwight egg the front of Axelrod Ltd’s building
S3E6: Jim rides his bike drunk (believe it or not, this is actually illegal)
S3E7: Creed sells office equipment
S3E8: Andy steals a computer from the Stamford office; after poking holes in everyone’s tires, Michael claims it was Vance Refrigeration workers that did it
S3E9: It is revealed that Martin went to jail for insider trading; Kevin admits that insider trading sounds a lot like what he does as well
S3E10: Creed removes a present from the charity box (removing uncollected items from charity drives is theft); Pam reveals that she has been sending fake letters from the CIA to Dwight, Jim later gets involved (illegal to pass yourself off as a CIA agent)
S3E13: Andy punches a hole through the wall
S3E16: Michael reveals that his eighth grade teacher hooked up with at least thirteen students; Dwight reveals that he hunted a werewolf as a child, but it’s more likely that he killed his neighbor’s dog; Dwight traps a bat in a bag over Meredith’s head
S3E17: Creed reveals that he has a side business where he makes fake IDs for teens; Creed also reveals that he stole a laminating machine from the sheriff’s station; Dwight accidentally damages David’s roof while inspecting the chimney; Roy and his brother destroy multiple objects in a bar including a mirror, a chair, and multiple glasses (Roy’s brother later reveals that he paid off the bar owner to not call the cops on them)
S3E18: Roy attempts to assault Jim in the office after finding out he kissed Pam; Dwight uses pepper spray on Roy when he attempts to assault Jim (this was done defense of Jim however); Jim reveals that Dwight has weapons such as nunchucks and throwing stars hidden in the office; Dwight uses pepper spray against Andy; Dwight is found to have more weapons hidden in his desk such as brass knuckles, a police baton, and a taser
S3E19: Darryl reveals that Michael once kicked a ladder out from under him and caused him to break his ankle; Michael accidentally smashes a watermelon on the roof of someone’s car; Michael tries to convince the office that he’s going to commit suicide
S3E20: A former Dunder Mifflin employee from the paper mill put a watermark of two cartoon animals having sex on about five-hundred boxes-worth of paper; Creed frames Debbie Brown from the paper mill for not catching the watermark on the paper, which results in her termination; it was revealed that Andy was unknowingly dating a high schooler (only illegal if they had sexual contact); Andy reveals that he and his high school girlfriend knocked over a mailbox with her friends
S3E21: Phyllis claims that she was flashed by a man in the parking lot; when Jim calls the police to report the flasher, he says that the police have already gotten three calls; Creed implies that he has flashed people in the past; Jan offers Michael money in return for him driving to New York and having sex (it is illegal to accept or pay money for sex, even if the other person is not a prostitute); Meredith throws her trash out of her car window onto the street while also driving recklessly; while parking her car, Meredith scrapes another car; Creed reveals that he uses the women’s bathroom for bowel movements and has “paid dearly” for it in the past; Dwight and Andy put up barbed wire on the parking lot fence of the office (using barbed wire is typically illegal if the fence is adjacent to a public street)
S3E22: Michael lights a bonfire on the beach (he likely did not have a fire permit)
S3E23: Jim and Karen sneak into a theater to see the second half of Spamalot (would technically burglary, believe it or not, since they snuck in with the intent of stealing services); Jan claims that the reason she is being fired from Dunder Mifflin is because of her breast implants (though David says it is because of her work ethic)
S4E1: Michael hits Meredith with his car and fractures her pelvis; Dwight attempts to mercy kill Angela’s cat by trapping it in her freezer
S4E2: Michael claims that when he was a child, he had a foreign exchange student living with him that stole all of his blue jeans when he went back to his home country; Kelly tells Ryan that she is pregnant with his child in an attempt to get him to go on a date with her (this could fall under intentional infliction of emotional distress)
S4E3: Michael and Dwight detain the pizza deliveryman in the office conference room; Dwight reveals that the pizza deliveryman steals hemp from his farm; Andy reveals that he stole the ice sculpture he brought to the party; Michael and Dwight steal a tray of sushi and some accessories from a restaurant
S4E4: Dwight admits that the permits on the bed and breakfast side of Schrute Farms are still pending even though he is actively taking customers; Creed reveals that he has a second identity that he transfers his debt to; Michael and Jan are likely trespassing while they are sitting on the stationed train
S4E6: Dwight attempts to create molotov cocktails to throw in the Utica office; Michael drives recklessly on the highway; while stealing the Utica branch’s industrial copier, Michael and Dwight break it; Dwight reveals more weapons that he has in the office, including a pack of knives, a pair of sai, a sword, and a blowdart (having these weapons in the open is not illegal, but concealing them is)
S4E8: Michael purgers himself during Jan’s deposition
S4E9: Jan throws a Dundie at Michael’s TV and breaks it
S4E10: It is revealed that the model from Micahel’s chair catalog died in a car accident (Dwight says that she was stoned at the time and crashed into the side of an airplane hanger)
S4E11: Ryan states that the Dunder Mifflin website was infiltrated by sexual predators (only illegal if they used it to transmit child pornography or arrange meetings with minors with the intent of sexual contact); it is heavily implied that Ryan and his friend Troy are under the influence of cocaine
S4E12: Michael places his face in wet cement outside of the office (would be considered destruction of property)
S4E13: Andy drives a golf cart recklessly and ends up destroying its roof (and potentially the cart as well)
S4E14: Jim sets up Dwight’s cell and work phones to go to his Bluetooth and pretends to be him when clients call (could fall under criminal impersonation); Ryan commits fraud by having people re-record sales and is arrested for it; Dwight, Meredith, and Mose release a raccoon into Holly’s car (only illegal if it does damage to her car)
S5E1: Phyllis blackmails Angela by threatening to reveal Angela and Dwight’s affair unless she lets Phyllis run the Party Planning Committee
S5E3: Kelly reveals that she downloads pirated music onto her work computer, to which Michael responds, “who hasn’t”; Meredith reveals that she’s been sleeping with a supplier in exchange for discounts on supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates (could fall under the scope of prostitution); Michael threatens to kill everyone if they don’t go to the conference room
S5E4: Dwight tries to destroy Jan’s $1,200 stroller
S5E5: The office is robbed after Michael and Holly forget to lock the office’s front door; Creed implies that he made the last person who stole from him disappear, and that he stole the identity Creed Bratton from them
S5E7: Kelly falsifies customer surveys regarding Jim and Dwight
S5E9: Michael attempts to purchase marijuana from two Vance Refrigeration workers, and they trick him into buying a salad in a bag rather than drugs (intent to purchase illegal drugs is illegal, and so is selling counterfeit drugs); Michael and Dwight attempt to frame Toby with drug trafficking and possession of marijuana; when the cops arrive, Creed becomes incredibly worried that he’ll be arrested, implying that he either has drugs in the office, or is a drug dealer
S5E10: Dwight tricks Angela into marrying him (this would be considered fraudulently inducing someone into marriage)
S5E11: Creed is seen smoking out of a pipe likely containing kif, which has cannabis in it; Creed says that he can get fire permits very quickly, implying that they are possibly fake; Michael forces Meredith into going to a rehab facility (technically falls under the definition of kidnapping)
S5E12: Jim uncovers more weapons that Dwight has hidden throughout the office; Andy pins Dwight against a fence with his car, Dwight dents Andy’s car
S5E13: Jim connects a red wire to Dwight’s computer which leads outside to the top of the power pole (would qualify as vandalism to the pole); Michael and Dwight attempt to learn information about a competitor under the guise of a potential customer and potential employee (could be considered corporate espionage, but I couldn’t find any specifics)
S5E14: Dwight induces panic law by simulating a fire in the office, he additionally damages multiple doors and cuts the phone wires; during the fire drill, multiple office employees damage items in the office including ceiling tiles, the copier machine, and the vending machine; Dwight reveals that he is planning a bomb scare; Dwight is shown to have a hunting knife strapped to his ankle, and he uses this knife to cut apart the CPR dummy (though corporate payed for the damages to the dummy); Andy, Jim, and Pam watch a pirated film
S5E15: Dwight buys cookies from Toby in exchange for him signing a form (quid pro quo on this is illegal); Dwight attempts to have his coworkers sign his form under the guise of it being a sign-in sheet; Michael throws full slices of bread on the ground to feed pigeons (it was winter and there were no birds, so this could be considered littering)
S5E16: Jim cuts the cord that connects Michael’s phone to the office’s PA system; Dwight finds out that Kelly went to juvenile detention when she was younger; Creed gives Jim a $3 bill (counterfeit money is illegal)
S5E17: Creed says he knows where to buy a kid for $7,000; it’s revealed that the reason Kelly was in juvenile detention was because she stole her boyfriend’s father’s boat; Michael cuts off a sleeve from Holly’s sweater; Michael also takes a file off of Holly’s computer (would be classified as unauthorized computer access)
S5E18: Phyllis and Bob have sex in a restaurant bathroom (this is technically public sex which is a misdemeanor); Creed steals a bag of blood from the blood drive
S5E19: Dwight slaps Michael; Jim slaps Dwight
S5E20: Dwight pretends to have kidnapped David’s son
S5E21: Michael sneaks back into the office after being asked to leave (technically trespassing as it is private property and he was escorted out of the building)
S5E22: Michael breaks his condominium agreement by having the Michael Scott Paper Company located within his condo (though the owner only sent a warning that he needed to stop); Ryan steals three pairs of bowling shoes before he quits the bowling alley; Michael asks Billy to sell him a ‘secret office space’ off of the books within the Scranton Business Park
S5E23: Dwight claims that a woman named Haddie McGonagle was murdered in the Dunder Mifflin office space in 1816 (though he probably made this up)
S5E24: Dwight steals supplies and files from the Michael Scott Paper Company’s office
S5E26: While fixing her dress, Meredith accidentally reveals one of her breasts, as well as her crotch and her backside (was accidental, but could be considered public indecency)
S5E27: Dwight cuts open the back of Phyllis’ blouse so he can give her a massage; Creed reveals that he doesn’t have any mirrors in his car that let him see behind the car (in Pennsylvania, it is illegal to drive without at least one mirror that lets you see behind the car)
S5E28: Dwight’s friend Rolph once inquired about shoes that increased speed and didn’t leave any tracks, implying that he was going to commit a crime
S6E1: Stanley wrecks Michael’s car with a tire iron
S6E2: Dwight and Toby accidentally crash into a few trash cans outside Darryl’s house; Dwight uncovers that the real cause of Darryl’s injury was from misuse of company equipment
S6E4: Michael ties full beer cans to the back of his car which left debris all over the road; Dwight implies that Mose is going to be castrating horses (only legal if Mose has a veterinary license, which is unlikely); Dwight also claims that he has a device which can make hamburgers out of horse meat without killing the horse (likely animal cruelty)
S6E5: The Niagara Falls hotel staff incinerated Kevin’s shoes (they claim they did it because it was a safety issue); Dwight gifts a turtle to Jim and Pam for their wedding and appears to not have made any holes in the box (likely animal cruelty); Dwight accidentally kicks Isabel in the face while dancing
S6E6: While answering Jim’s phone, Kevin pretends to be Jim and accidentally cancels his credit cards
S6E7: Dwight secretly records the conversations in Jim’s office (Pennsylvania has a two-party consent law which means that all parties in the conversations must consent to being recorded); Andy talks about a 60 Minutes segment that went into working conditions of a paper mill in Peru (the 60 Minutes segment likely went into illegal conditions within the mill)
S6E8: Meredith reveals that she has had sex with a known terrorist; while writing down things that people don’t want to be made fun of for, Creed says that if he writes his down, he cannot be charged for it; a custodian reveals that when Michael fell into the koi pond, he accidentally killed one of the fish
S6E9: Ryan shows Erin a topless photo of Kelly in the office (could be considered indecent exposure since it was in a public space within the office); Creed implies that a shipping order was never supposed to reach it’s location, possibly indicating that he stole a shipment
S6E10: Creed flees the office when Michael tells him that there was a murder and that he was a suspect, implying that he may be involved in a murder
S6E12: Dwight secretly records a phone call between Jim and David
S6E13: As part of Secret Santa, Andy gives Erin the Twelve Days of Christmas, inadvertently resulting in physical injury to her and potentially her home and car; Creed implies that he’s done “evil” things; Michael says that he has often claimed to be David’s childrens’ pediatrician to get him on the phone
S6E16: Andy accidentally gives Meredith a large paper cut on her throat; Ryan implies to Dwight that they should torture Jim
S6E17: While escorting Jim and Pam to the hospital, Dwight puts a police light on the top of his car; Michael uses his phone to text and make a call while driving; when being pulled over, Dwight throws multiple large weapons out his window; Michael parks in an ambulance-only parking spot
S6E18: Dwight breaks a window to enter Jim and Pam’s home; after breaking in, Dwight discovers mold in their home and destroys walls and cabinets with a crew of workers so he can refurbish their kitchen; Jim comments that he had five parking tickets on his windshield
S6E20: Creed tries to act casual when Michael announces that the lost and found has gone missing, implying he may have stolen it; Andy aggressively tries to take a pen from Darryl (could be considered battery); Dwight strangles Kevin in an attempt to get information from him; Michael and Dwight, and then later Andy and Erin, walk around the Scranton dump (would be considered trespassing); Michael and Dwight throw large pieces of garbage at each other; Michael and Dwight take two chairs from the dump
S6E21: Phyllis claims she likes getting men to flirt with her so that Bob will beat them up; Michael accidentally damages multiple objects while being reckless at the bar; Dwight breaks his contract with Angela (unsure as to whether a lawyer was involved with the first contract, but Angela served Dwight with a summons for breaking it, leading me to believe it was legitimate); Hide admits that he killed a Yakuza boss on purpose and then came to America illegally
S6E22: Meredith steals and uses Pam’s breast pump
S6E24: Michael hires Dwight to follow Donna around to see if she’s cheating on him (following someone isn’t illega, but it could be considered stalking or harassment); Creed implies that he’s committed crimes for low levels of reward; Michael says he’s going to kill the guy who’s kissing Donna in her Facebook photo (though he immediately takes it back)
S6E25: Michael keeps throwing out radon kits that Toby put around the office; Michael once again claims that he would kill Toby; Dwight claims that his money is buried underneath someone (though we don’t know if this is a grave or a buried corpse); Dwight and Angela’s lawyer comments that their sex contract is dangerously close to prostitution and illegal
S7E1: Dwight tears the head off of Phyllis’ teddy bear and pulls a knife on Jim; Meredith breaks into Michael’s nephew’s car; Michael spanks his nephew
S7E2: Dwight attempts to open a daycare center that is absolutely not up to safety codes; Toby allows Michael to forge his counseling paperwork
S7E4: Dwight is shown attempting to pick up what would appear to be illegal immigrants for day labour and then instead of paying them, has Mose pretend to be an INS agent, kidnaps the workers, and then drops them off in Harrisburg; Holly claims that multiple people died in a traffic accident (though it’s incredibly likely that she was kidding); Michael takes an incredibly quick turn without his turn signal on
S7E5: Michael, Dwight, and Jim secretly watch Danny’s meeting with Meredith through hidden cameras (only illegal if they are recording the footage)
S7E7: Angela steals all of the scones from Cece’s christening (though they were for public consumption so it probably wouldn’t constitute as theft)
S7E8: The Scranton Strangler leads police on a high speed pursuit; Michael tells Pam that he has a loaded gun hidden in his desk at the office; Michael cuts the cable going to Gabe’s apartment
S7E10: Erin floats the idea of hiring a new employee, killing them, and then cashing in on the life insurance policy; Dwight and Phyllis float the idea of bombing China; Pam accuses Dwight of breaking property code laws
S7E11: Dwight and Jim keep throwing snowballs at each other with force, and some that contained pebbles (snowball fights themselves aren’t illegal, but it’s illegal in most places to throw objects which could be considered missiles, and Jim is also shown with what appears to be blood on his clothes afterwards); Dwight asks Toby is he’s on the jury for the middle school teacher who tried to turn a foreign exchange student into a sex slave; Meredith asks Toby if it’s the case with the postman who rubbed his genitals on deliveries; Michael throws out supplies and food meant for the Christmas party; Dwight is shown dragging the Christmas tree out of the office to throw it out; one of the snowballs that Jim lobs at Dwight breaks a window; Michael throws Holly’s Woody doll into the trash and pours coffee on it
S7E12: Jim stabs a few snowmen with his umbrella hoping that Dwight is hiding in one of them
S7E13: Michael claims that regardless if Holly gets engaged or not, he will probably either attack people in rage or burn the building down in happiness
S7E15: Michael leaves without paying at the Chinese restaurant; Creed is also listed on the wall of diners who did not pay for their meal
S7E17: Michael most likely did not have permits to film in some of the locations featured in Threat Level Midnight; multiple characters in Michael’s film are seen using guns (you do not need a permit to have a gun in your home or business place in Pennsylvania, but multiple characters concealed their weapons during the film, though the guns are likely fake); a mannequin of Toby is blown up during Michael’s film (depending on the type of explosive used, certification may be required); during the hockey scene of the film, Michael comments that it was filmed during an actual Scranton High hockey game (could be seen as defiant trespassing and/or disorderly conduct)
S7E18: Packer humps Michael and Dwight while they’re underneath a desk; Dwight throws away Holly’s zen garden; Dwight offers Packer a hot chocolate laced with many laxatives (depending on the amount, it could be considered assault or even homicide since extreme dehydration could kill someone); Andy purposely does damage to his computer’s keyboard and hard drive; Andy and Pam slightly damage Andy’s new computer; Jim and Dwight pretend to be Sabre employees and tell Packer he can jump the gate at Jo’s house
S7E19: Ryan uses Phyllis and Oscar’s faces on his mom’s pesto and salsa recipes (would fall under right of publicity laws); Ryan adds a Kosher certification onto his mom’s pesto recipe (against FDA regulations); Michael pours gasoline all over the parking lot; Michael wants to steal a corpse from a medical school to use in his proposal to Holly
S7E20: Michael eggs Toby’s house; Kevin colors on a restaurant tablecloth with crayons; Ryan admits to have done drugs in the past
S7E21: Gabe confronts Andy and threatens him to stay away from Erin (could be considered criminal threatening); Deangelo claims that he caught the person who stole one of Jo’s dogs
S7E24: Dwight accidentally fires his gun through the floor; Meredith claims that during the shooting she lost her necklace, a ring, and a painting and will be reporting it to the insurance company; Ryan claims that Dwight’s accident felt like an act of terrorism; Pam claims that Dwight has hidden more weapons in the office
S7E25: Creed parks his car in the middle of the parking lot
S7E26: Dwight admits that he would have created a fake identity for his character of Jacques Souvenier if Jo had hired him as manager
S8E1: Dwight uses a fire extinguisher to knock Meredith off of the top of a bathroom stall, drops a ream of paper on a warehouse employee’s head to get him off a table, and flips a table over to get Toby off of it; Dwight throws Jim’s phone against the wall with force and a shatter is heard; Dwight instigates a fight between nearly everyone in the office
S8E2: Andy says he will streak across the parking lot if the office accrues enough points
S8E3: Dwight pours his drink on the inside of someone’s car; Oscar smashes the car’s window and brake light with a crowbar; Dwight drives the baler through the warehouse wall; Erin and Kevin spread grease all over the warehouse floor; Dwight, Jim, Erin, and Kevin damage multiple boxes of paper
S8E4: Dunder Mifflin billboards across town are shown to be vandalized; Mose crashes Toby’s car into a corn field; Mose very tightly lines up everyone’s cars so that he can run across the roofs (he likely made scratches and dents while planning and executing this plan)
S8E5: Dwight is shown to have brought many weapons into the office in the past as part of Halloween costumes and threatened to kill Toby with them (though the weapons were never concealed and Toby usually confiscated them before he entered the office
S8E6: Oscar stated in an email that he believes that Robert has strangled at least one stripper; Kelly states in an email that they should kill Robert; Dwight’s accountability booster is dangerously close to a form of blackmail; Gabe says that he is going to go to a cemetery and drink (it’s actually illegal to drink in most cemeteries); Pam stops Kevin from hitting Dwight over the head with a frying pan; Jim takes Robert’s phone and attempts to deletes an email (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission)
S8E7: Dwight repeatedly grabs Jim’s crotch
S8E8: A Civil War informational video reveals that the soldiers from Schrute Farm were soldiers that went AWOL
S8E9: When Dwight suggests that everyone in the office is in a suicide cult, Creed strongly denies it, implying that he probably is in one; Jim leaves his car running and unattended in the middle of the parking lot
S8E10: Dwight punches Jim in the arm; Erin asks Andy for Jessica to die; Meredith threatens to drive drunk if Andy doesn’t drive her home; Meredith rides in the back of her van without a seatbelt on
S8E11: Andy asks Oscar to add $800 to their quarterly sales, implying it could be seen as a rounding error; Kevin offers to make that rounding error for Andy
S8E12: Jim drives over Robert’s lawn and breaks his mailbox
S8E15: Jim creates a fake murder scene in his hotel room for Dwight which involved stained towels, knocked over and possibly broken furniture, a writing on the door; Dwight threatens to light Jim’s face on fire; Dwight leaves the hospital with his IV solution bag, which implies he likely didn’t pay for his visit before leaving
S8E16: Gabe sprays an inhaler into Packer’s drink; Dwight damages his hotel room keycard; Dwight sprays a compound of chemicals in Jim’s hotel room creating what he claims is a biohazard
S8E17: Multiple homeless people are sleeping on the sidewalk outside the Sabre store (it’s usually only illegal for homeless individuals to sleep on the sidewalk if a shelter is available); Dwight tells Packer that he should act like a sexual predator when talking to the female teenage customers; a group of children throw pinecones at Andy and Pam, and one of them punches Andy in the face resulting in a black eye; Creed strikes the back of Meredith’s head; Ryan calls his uncle to get a prescription for Ritalin; Kelly attacks Toby and then accidentally elbows Andy in the face
S8E18: Dwight leaves a treasure chest in the office which fires a poisoned dart upwards at whomever opens it; Jim and Dwight tackle and punch each other; Kevin forcibly kisses Meredith
S8E19: Darryl drags Dwight out of his office by his hair; Andy tosses a container of eggplant parmesan onto the street; Andy leaves his car unattended in the middle of an intersection
S8E20: Dwight offers to hit Nellie with a candlestick; Jessica’s friends throw food at Andy’s car
S8E21: Andy smashes the frame holding a picture of Nellie; Andy punches another hole into the wall
S8E22: Andy loiters at the office parking lot
S8E23: Dwight and Jim create a fake identity to work around the commission cap (Dwight even admits that it’s extremely similar to embezzlement or fraud); Harry threatens to choke out Toby; Dwight tells Jim he should dent the hood of Harry’s car or slash the tires; Dwight attempts to activate the elevator’s seismic failsafes to stop the elevator; Pam steals Nellie’s phone and deletes all of her voicemails (technically illegal to use someone’s phone without their permission); Andy tells Robert if he doesn’t hire him back, he will give Prestige Direct Mail Solutions’ business to a competitor (technically blackmail)
S8E24: Kevin and Robert accidentally head butt each other; Andy mops the carpets, likely damaging them; Dwight steals Philip’s used diaper so he can have a paternity test done (this is called gene theft); Angela and Dwight both speed and drive recklessly; Angela hits Mose multiple times; Dwight and Mose both leave their cars unattended in the middle of the street; Robert forcibly kisses Andy; Dwight forces himself on Angela (though seconds later she is a willing participant)
S9E1: Andy threatens to make up a reason to fire Nellie (since Toby is aware of this, if Nellie were to sue Andy, Toby would have to testify against him); Andy purposely pushes Nellie off of the slack-lining rope; Dwight deconstructs Dunder Mifflin equipment to create his trapeze set; Dwight gets stuck on the slack-line and the fire department has to come to get him down; Andy places all of the recycling bins near Nellie and has people throw their trash at her
S9E2: While the building’s janitor is on vacation, the building becomes incredibly dirty to the point where rats can be seen (likely against multiple health codes); Nellie forces Dwight into a situation where he has to chop off her hand (though he doesn’t go through with it)
S9E3: Nellie drives recklessly; Nellie uses her phone while driving
S9E4: Dwight and Toby find EMF hotspots in the office which could imply that there’s poor wiring in the building (depending on how bad the wiring actually is, this could actually break laws); Stanley threatens to spank Clark; Dwight drives the work bus (depending on the type of bus it was, Dwight would need a certain license to drive it); Phyllis asks someone to just start driving the bus while Dwight is on the roof; Dwight drops himself through the rooftop emergency exit on the bus onto Jim; Dwight drives the bus recklessly
S9E5: Creed comes into the office with blood stains all over his clothes (it likely was not his blood, so he may have harmed someone); Andy reveals he had sex with a snowman while at Cornell (would fall under public indecency); Dwight catches Meredith in a net and causes her to fall to the floor
S9E6: Kevin leaves his car in the middle of the parking lot so he can run to the bathroom; Oscar forges documents to make it looks like Kevin has been taking money from Dunder Mifflin; Nellie, Jim, Pam, and Darryl create a situation where Dwight believes that police have surrounded David’s house; Pete’s friend Flipper once drunkenly flipped a table over at a bar
S9E7: Dwight claims he used to have a barber who fought dogs and made dogs fight each other; Clark is used as leverage by Dwight to get Jan’s business (this trade would be dangerously close to prostitution)
S9E8: Dwight reveals that Trevor has had numerous guns stolen from him; Angela hires Trevor to murder Oscar; Dwight claims he has left poop in a paper bag on people’s porches (would be classified as vandalism); Trevor claims that people have left poop in a bag on his porch multiple times; Angela asks Trevor to break Oscar’s kneecaps instead; Trevor brings a concealed weapon into the office; Phyllis taps a stranger on the back with the sharp end of a knife; Phyllis forcibly removes a decorative wine bottle from its base; Angela kicks Oscar in the shin
S9E9: Dwight hits Oscar and Jim with a stick; Darryl collapses on a table and breaks it in half
S9E10: Dwight throws his coffee cup up in the air, likely staining the carpet; Dwight sprays a disinfectant in Erin, Pam, Angela, and Meredith’s faces; Erin tackles Stanley; Meredith reveals that one of her exes keyed a bunch of people’s cars; Meredith also reveals that she pooped into an office shredder; Dwight accidentally sets off an insecticidal grenade (I don’t believe there is a real insecticidal grenade but I’m sure there’s some law against either setting one off or doing so with people nearby); Angela hits Oscar in the head with a coffee pot; Kevin misuses one of the warehouse machines and causes it to break; Dwight accidentally sets off another insecticidal grenade in his car (he most likely still drove his car after while experiencing hallucinogenic side effects)
S9E11: Jim is seen driving a motorcycle (Jim likely did not have a motorcycle license); Dwight suggests that Jim should drive 240 miles per hour so he can get to the office faster; Creed steals Phyllis’ ring; Kevin forcibly lifts Angela up multiple times; Darryl misses a basketball hoop and accidentally breaks a wall lamp and electrocutes a fish tank (though Darryl agreed to pay for the damage); multiple people in the office tear up the carpet flooring
S9E12: Dwight rips open a couch cushion with a knife; Dwight drives one of the delivery trucks (he likely does not have a license to drive the truck); Dwight throws a milkshake through the drive-thru window at an employee; a customer in the drive-thru throws a milkshake at Dwight
S9E13: Dwight reveals that Rolf uses hand grenades to fish; Mose is seen running in the middle of the street (could be considered jaywalking); Dwight reveals that when he was a child, he went to a school that was run by a conman; one of Dwight’s friends reveals that the school used the students as labor; Melvina reveals that she’s been double parked for about two hours; Dwight gives the sales rep applicants Jim’s home address so they can toilet paper it; Rolf tells Dwight to be weary of any suspicious packages he may get, implying that he’ll be sending him potentially dangerous packages; Dwight attempts to suffocate Clarke
S9E14: Frank vandalizes Pam’s warehouse mural; Angela hits Oscar; Dwight and Pam vandalize Frank’s truck; Frank rushes at Pam with the intent to hit her; Brian hits Frank in the face with his boom mic
S9E15: Meredith suggests that everyone in the office should try cocaine
S9E16: Dwight’s Aunt Shirley slaps Angela; Andy snoops through Erin’s phone; Andy kicks Toby; Angela accidentally sets off the hose on Dwight (the hose likely has the same pressure as a firehose, which is about 150 PSI, so this could be considered assault); Toby leaves the prison wearing a neck brace after visiting the Scranton Stranger, implying the Strangler attempted to strangled him;
S9E17: Dwight throws dirt in the faces of Erin, Phyllis, Kevin, Oscar, Meredith, Angela, Stanley, Pam and Jim; Dwight’s brother Jeb drives his car into Aunt Shirley’s grave; Packer reveals he’s in Narcotics Anonymous, implying he used to use drugs; Dwight reveals that his family members have accidentally buried family members who were thought to be dead but were actually in deep sleep; Dwight unloads a shotgun into his aunt’s corpse; Jeb reveals that he owns a worm farm in California (medical marijuana was not legalized in California until 2018); Packer reveals that the cupcakes he gave out to everyone in the office, as well as to Jim and Darryl were laced with drugs, some legal and some not; Packer is seen having parked his car halfway between a handicapped spot and a do-not-park zone; Clarke reveals that while drugged, he defected in some bushes
S9E18: Dwight dumps a bucket of water onto Phyllis, and is likely the same person who dumped a bucket of water onto Andy as well (technically would be classified as assault); Meredith exposes her breasts in the office; Angela slaps Oscar
S9E19: Dwight shoots Stanley with three tranquilizers meant for a bull (horse tranquilizers can cause serious harm to humans, and a bull tranquilizer likely has a higher dosage); Meredith squirts some of the bull tranquilizer into her drink (probably not illegal since she put it into her own drink, but it would be classified as placing a foreign object into an edible, which is actually a felony); Dwight and Clarke accidentally slam Stanley’s unconscious body into two walls; while sliding down a flight of stairs, Stanley’s unconscious body makes a dent in the wall; Andy kicks over an empty trash can; a man at the talent agency claims that through his dog-cat-mouse act, he goes through a lot of mice (allowing your pet to eat live animals can be considered animal cruelty); Stanley tranquilizes himself so that he doesn’t have to climb the stairs
S9E20: Creed smashes a melon on the warehouse floor; Pam accidentally hits Toby in the eye with a paper airplane; Erin reveals that when she was in the orphanage, she once ripped Susan’s pigtails off of her head; Erin crushes a box of packing peanuts; Clarke asks Pam and Jim to share the drugs he think they’re high on; Angela is seen taking rolls of toilet paper from the office
S9E21: Lackawanna County takes away “two sacks” worth of Angela’s cats because she is violating her apartment complex’s pet rules; Dwight throws his briefcase and hits multiple items; Dwight nearly kicks and punches multiple in the office; Andy asks Toby to falsify files; Andy attempts to grope Toby; Andy dedicates on David’s car (this would be classified as vandalism and public indecency);
S9E22: Dwight reveals that his grandmother was shot by Adolph Coors; Dwight throws the summoning bag against the back of Jim’s head; Casey Dean jumps on the back of the a cappella show host; Meredith spanks Darryl; Dwight is seen driving with his police light on his car; Dwight drives recklessly
S9E23: Dwight reveals that Creed faked his own death; Dwight also reveals that the police are looking for Creed as he sold drugs, trafficked endangered animal meat, and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military; Oscar reveals that Kevin used to make up numbers to balance the books; Mose kidnaps Angela and locks her in his trunk for three hours; Creed changes his identity; Ryan reveals that his partner abandoned him and their child; Ryan purposely gives his son an allergic reaction; Kelly and Ryan abandon his son with Ravi; Nellie takes Ryan’s son as her own child (she didn’t legally adopt him so this would be considered child abduction); Pam attempts to sell their home without Jim’s knowledge (since Jim bought the house as a surprise, his name is likely on the deed as well and Pam wouldn’t be able to sell it without him); Kevin spills alcohol all over a cabinet while filling up glasses

Inspired by a recent post about Ontario casinos, here is a report on my recent trip to Caesars Windsor (Nov 1-3).
First thing to note is Caesars Windsor has a legitimate, real-deal craps pit. 2 crapless craps tables and 4 craps tables. Friday night the 4 craps tables were open ($15 minimum, 1 table fluctuated between $15-25) and one crapless craps tables were open. Basically, if you wanted to play you could find a spot for a game with a decent pace of play. (This has not been my experience at Fallsview in Niagara Falls, for example, which only has 2 craps tables on the main casino floor -with only 1 table open during the day).
$10 minimum tables were available Thursday night and Friday afternoon. Generally at least 2 craps tables open from 10 AM on. The crapless table opened at noon, from what I saw. Sometimes a table would be reserved for a high-roller ... the upside being when he left a fully staffed table opened up for other players.
Second point is that Caesars has full 5X odds. "Full" odds allows $15 pass/come bets to take $125 odds on 6/8 and $100 odds on 5/9. So this provides a good opportunity to press up your odds on a hot roll and/or start with high odds bets. Additional odds (beyond a simple 5 X multiplier) are available on flat bets of $30, $75 (multiples of $3, generally speaking). When full 5X odds are applicable, payouts for all the numbers are the same (e.g., with $15 flat bets and max "full 5X odds" the payout for all the numbers is $165).
[An old Alan Krigman column online explained "full odds" this way ... Imagine a casino with a $3 minimum, single odds and no chips with denominations under $1... On points of 6/8, $3 odds would not result in a proper payout ... therefore, single odds on points of 6/8 are $5. Similarly, $3 odds does not lead to a proper payout on points of 5/9, therefore single odds on points of 5/9 are $4. If the same casino goes to "full 5X" odds, a $3 minimum bet can now take $25 odds on the 6/8 (5 times $5 single odds) and a $3 minimum bet can now take $20 odds on the 5/9 (5 times $4 single odds) ... Scaling up from $3 results in a $15 flat bet being allowed to take $125 on the 6/8 and $100 on the 5/9].
Third point is that Caesars has the Fire bet.
Fourth point. Caesars Windsor dealers are friendly and good. They do get a fair bit of craps play (from what I saw). The more experienced dealers worked the afternoon shift, with greener dealers working at night.
I play an aggressive style of line bets + odds, placing the 6/8 and continuous come bets. If my 6/8 hits I (basically) full press my wager by putting odds (e.g., $10 come bet, place 6/8 $30 each, 6 hits, comes to 6, down with $50 odds, $10 come bet, $5 in the rack). My bad habits are 1) $15 hardway on the point if the point can be rolled hard (i.e., 4/10 or 6/8- open to suggestions on what hardways to bet on points of 5/9) and 2) $75 YO-ELEVEN if 2 YOs have hit consecutively (going for the trio ... 0-2 on this bet this trip).
AT $10 minimum my come bets will take $50 odds (although I did scale down to double odds, with $25 odds for 6/8 at times). AT $15 minimum I'd generally take $30 odds on 4/10, $40 odds on 5/9 and $50 odds on 6/8. Sometimes just go straight to $50 odds. With $15, I'd press up my odds to the "full 5X odds" maximum on a hot streak.
Lots of volatility with some bad sessions and some good sessions and escaped with a modest profit.
Alas, the dealers didn't do well on my bets for them. My general tipping method (to give some tips while I'm playing) flows through my hardway bets. If one of my $15 hardway bets hits, I a press it up $5 for 4/10 (to $20) and press up $10 for 6/8 (to $25) and then throw $5 on that hardway for the dealers (and hand-in a $5 tip). I think they hit exactly 1 of these hardway bets over the whole trip. Also - when I was going for my fifth point to the Fire Bet - I needed a 4 - I had the dealers $22 inside, $3 hard 4 and place the 4 for $5 .... and .... and .... and .... 7-out immediately followed.
All-in-all a good trip.
​
​

A couple of years ago I was playing 1/2 in one of Niagara Falls casinos when this hand happened.
UTG limped. MP Raised to $10, I flatted in CO with AdJx. Button called. Blinds folded.
Flop: 2d3d7d.
Flop was checked through.
Turn: irrelevant card of different suit.
Turn was also checked through.
River: Td giving me the nuts.
UTG bet $20. MP raised to $40. I raised to $80 (maybe should've raised more? Not sure). Button snap called. UTG clearly annoyed tanks for about 30 seconds. Finally she elects to call. Back to MP who starts thinking and moving his chips around. After a minute or two he says: "I know I am beat but I have to call $40 to win $360." and throws in $40.
UTG had Jd, MP had Qd and button had Kd. (They all showed)
I was shocked by how lucky I was that they all had high flushes and also by UTG and MP who decided to call although they were clearly beat. Even the call by button was questionable. Weird hand!

In a matter of days, the Seneca Niagara Summer Slam tournament will come to an end, with everyone anxiously waiting for the Main Event. Meanwhile, participants were more than interested in the prospect of winning a lot of money in sight tournaments, with Joe Ciffa being by far the most prolific so far. His success story began with Event 2 when he pocketed in excess of $10,000 and just one day later, he returned to the tables for the third event. This time, he made the final table with a healthy stack, but he ran into tough competition, which explains why it took so long for a winner to be decided. In the first few hours, players were eliminated fairly quickly, until only five were left standing. The difference between making the podium and finishing outside of it is quite significant in terms of money earned, so nobody was willing to gamble. The inevitable happened and once Jim Burkett was sent to the rail, the remaining three players were pit against a difficult decision. The obvious choice was to keep playing for the ultimate trophy and the corresponding payouts, but they chose to split the pot evenly. The reason for why they didn't want to let luck decide the outcome of the tournament is that they spent a lot of time trying to build a stack. Once it became obvious that each of them will receive a bit over $4000, the three players decided to end the tournament once level 20 would conclude. The one who had the chip lead at that moment would be crowned winner and luckily for Joe Ciffa he won a massive pot just a couple of hands before level XXI was supposed to start. This meant that he won his second tournament in just two days, a formidable performance that is unlikely to be matched or exceeded before the series concludes. Check out the Summer Slam Event 3 Final Table Results below: 1. Joe Ciffa - $4,0782. Bruce Pace - $4,0783. Aaron Obstein - $4,0784. Jim Burkett - 1,9785. Scott Hosbach - $1,4396. Pierre Gautreau - 1,1007. Brian Bowen - $8468. Jonathan Revere - $5299. Maurice Sessum - $52910. Travell Thomas - $434 Live action will continue as soon as the Summer Slam gets wrapped up at Seneca Niagara Casino, but players won't have to take a prolonged break. Betfair Poker keeps the flame alive over the Internet with a nice variety of cash games and tournaments that are supposed to suit all bankrolls and skill levels.
from
via Casinoreviews

The 2014 Summer Slam started this weekend and Seneca Niagara Casino is the gracious host for the event bringing together an eclectic mix of amateurs and professionals. The first event was not necessarily a large one, at least not if compared to other live poker tournaments, but is represented an important milestone for participants. As always, those who attend such competitions are playing game various events and don't limit themselves to one tournament, but try to start on the right foot. Scott Hosbach is one of those who can be thrilled about his recent performance, as he prevailed in the first tournament and collected a cool $3100. Granted this is the buy-in for some bigger tournaments, winning the $200 no-limit hold'em deepstack turbo tournament represents quite a performance for the poker amateur. He had to outshine a total of 108 players and did a brilliant job at keeping his cool and building on his temporary chip lead. By the time he made the final table, he had a significant lead over the pack and was smart enough not to shift into a less aggressive gear. The surviving 10 players were adamant and none of them gave up, but one by one players were sent to the rail, leaving the last five evenly matched. Scott was still ahead at this time but the remaining players decided that it was a good idea to contemplate the possibility of a deal. It didn't take long for them to reach a conclusion and by the time the break ended, they were quite happy to split the pot evenly. This meant that each player was guaranteed to receive $2600, with the winner to take home an additional $500 for his effort. At the end of the day it was Scott Hosbach who survived the heads up, in a highly competitive final played against Paula Rasmussen. These sorts of deals are quite frequent over the Internet, where players don't like the idea of allowing luck decide the outcome of the tournament. After spending many hours at the tables in one of the biggest weekly tournaments, Ladbrokes Poker players are given the chance to split the pot according to their chips. Sometimes, those who are ahead need to make some concessions to reach an agreement and on rare occasions no deal is made, which means that players are left fighting until the bitter end. This was not the case in the opening event of the 2014 Summer Slam, with the final table results being displayed below: 1. Scott Hosbach - $3,1002. Paula Rasmussen - $2,6003. Matthew Caramanna - $2,6004. Brett Ansel - $2,6005. Greg Illig - $2,6006. Steve Rumery - $9077. D.J. MacKinnon - $7738. Paul McLean - $5939. Sam Guercio - $47110. Darrin Bracken - $336
from
via Casinoreviews

The 2014 Seneca Niagara Fall Poker Classic has begun and even though it will run in parallel with the World Series of Poker Main Even final table, the two tournaments won't compete for players. The latter will begin with just nine participants, as the final table was decided earlier this summer, with the winners to claim millions of dollars. By comparison, those who play in the 2014 Seneca Niagara Fall Poker Classic are competing for smaller payouts, making the tournament a target for beginners and amateurs. The opening event brought together 144 players, with each of them paying the buy-in of $500, which led to a prize pool of more than $60,000. One by one, the few poker professionals were eliminated from the race and the final table began later the same day, with Scott Hosbach leading the pack. He decided to play sheriff and push opponents around, which worked for a while, as he caused the untimely elimination of three opponents. As the number of surviving players was reduced to just six of them, action slowed down considerably and Scott started to bleed chips. Some of his peers took advantage and consolidated their position, which explains why the remaining four players were so evenly matched. Immediately after Scott Gaddi was eliminated in the fifth-place, the surviving players realized that could go either way. Instead of allowing luck to decide the fate of this tournament, they chose to split the money equally, despite the fact that there were slight differences between their stacks. Once this agreement was made, there was no pressure whatsoever on these four players and action picked up speed, with Scott being once again in control. He made short work of the other three players and sent two of them to the rail, playing the heads up against Shogie Saysamone. A couple of hands later, it was all over and Hosbach claimed the first prize in the opening event of the 2014 Seneca Niagara Fall Poker Classic, even though, he won exactly the same amount as the next three players. This is not the first time that he wins a major tournament, with Scott prevailing at the 2014 Seneca Summer Slam a few months ago. Betfair Poker ran satellites for this tournament and a couple of their members who won these qualifiers, got the chance to participate without actually paying the buy-in. This is how the final table looked like at the 2014 Seneca Niagara Fall Poker Classic: 1 Scott Hosbach $10,3342 Shogie Saysamone $10,3343 Brian McCormick $10,3344 D.J. MacKinnon $10,3345 Scott Gaddi $4,1866 Nick Walker $3,2017 Bob Herman $2,4628 Adam Foster $1,9089 Rob Bourkney $1,53910 Tom MacKinnon $1,262
from
via Casinoreviews

I forgot to post this last week, apparently.
~~~
I think everyone has that one game they love, especially in a franchise with such a large fanbase as Sonic. And sometimes it’s hard to see through the rose-tinted glasses (or in this case, blue-tinted glasses) and really analyze a game’s flaws to see what truly worked well and what didn't. I am absolutely in no way an exception when it comes to loving a game so much that it feels like you just stepped into the beginning segment of the Lion King. It is human nature to praise something we adore endlessly, taking no need to the warnings of others to stop. I am not the best with my words when it comes to explaining why I love what I love. All I can do is react to it; all that comes gushing out are various feels, such as a wild mixture of fangirling incoherent squeals and misty eyes that would make the Niagara Falls jealous. My reasons for why a game is in a certain spot may not make any sense to you, so just remember it's not your list, it's mine. Without stalling any longer, let's get right into this list.

1. Sonic and the Black Knight. This is the only game on this list I actually haven't played; mainly because I have no interest in a Wii. But I find the story absolutely fascinating, considering how much it shows Sonic’s determination even though he sometimes treats battling foes like a game. I understand the complaints about the buggy gameplay but I raise an eyebrow at the complaints that the story isn't good. It has all the aspects of what makes a thrilling adventure; especially the storybook kind. I just cannot fathom what makes the story “bad", not every game can be SA2 material. While I fancy myself a sci-fi lover, I have an appreciation for fantasy, as well; especially when knights are involved. I won’t go too much into it but I adore the Knight’s code and despite what others say about Sonic and chivalry not mixing, I love how well it suits Sonic’s character as a person, as a hero. Sonic may be a cocky pincushion but he's got a heart of gold, and that's what made me tear up in the cutscene before the final boss. The “A knight never flees his foe, right?” line is one of the best lines Sonic has ever uttered. It shows so much growth in his character and it's glorious. While I enjoyed the dynamic between Caliburn and Sonic (especially the knave and oversized letter opener insults), the coolest part about the entire game was Excalibur Sonic; it's my preferred Super form. There are also two of my favorite vocal songs in this game. This game is why I love the title “Knight of the Wind” and why I became interested in the Knight’s code in the first place. This game portrayed Sonic’s character with a balance of cocky, snarky, and humble very well in my opinion and I love it for that. Additionally, I find it curious that this is the only game where Modern Amy is actually tolerable but it's not even really her. I wish they had included Silver in the main story and replaced Shadow with Espio. I just don't understand how they thought Shadow was a good fit for a knight. He's too serious… Anyway, other than the controls that people dislike and the choice of characters to represent Arthurian characters, I have no complaints about this game. Being as I haven't played the game, I can only say so much about it. So that's all I have to say about it.
   
2. Sonic Unleashed Among the many things that drew me to this game, the graphics are incredible, the Dark Gaia fight looks intense and intimidating, the story really catches my attention, Chip amazes me with his comedy, character progression, and friendship with Sonic, and, uh… well… the Werehog is honestly the entire reason I bought the game at all ._. AND I LOVE IT! I love going slow for once and kicking can! IT’S SO AWESOME! Don’t get me wrong, I’m in love with the speed in the Day stages but I don’t have the wherewithal to use Sonic’s speed to its full potential. I like to enjoy the scenery now and again - or, you know, stop and just make some noise and break Egghead’s toys. Because you can’t cause the type of damage the Werehog can do if you’re zipping to and fro. Yeah, I know Sonic is all about speed… But even Sonic has to literally stop and smell the roses. I like the Werehog as a concept because it makes Sonic use his own weakness to progress. That and honestly, how isn't being a destructive ball of fur the coolest thing ever? The way Chip drastically changes personality from the beginning of the game to the end is crazy. He becomes less annoying and more useful. The line “Do I need a reason to want to help out a friend?” is heartwarming and it's my favorite moment in the game. I hate that Sonic is so sad when Amy didn't recognize him as the Werehog but I laughed so hard because of how clueless she was. The only thing I didn't understand was why only Tails and Amy were present. Knuckles, being as popular as the other two and one of the oldest characters, could at least have made a brief appearance. It would have been amusing to see him wet his shorts at the sight of the Werehog, or, much like in the comics with Mighty, see them roughhouse. On that note, why didn't Sonic ever lose his temper except for in the Night of the Werehog short and in the comics? It was probably deemed “too dark" for kids, wasn't it? That might be why the music was jazzy and not rock, which would have fit the Werehog more, in my opinion. The music is probably the only thing that truly irritates me about Unleashed. Everyone loves it and I'm just like “Ehhh… It's too weird for me…” The main tune (not Endless Possibilities) is good, though. True to their friendship, Tails’ astute observation on seeing Sonic right away as the Werehog was really cool. I'm surprised I had so much to say on Unleashed as I did; just proves I really like this game.
   
3. Sonic Heroes. I'm seeing a little more love for this game and I think that's cool. I’ve played and replayed countless hours into this game, more than another game on this list, and somehow, I still never managed to beat it even though I was so close to doing so. DAMN YOU GIANT GATOR! DAMN YOU EGG EMPEROR! Damn youuuu… I loved how each team had their own gameplay style with their own set of quirks and varying difficulties for the most part. It eats away at my core that Team Rose, the easiest team in the game, isn’t the one that allowed me to beat part of the game. But I digress… The team I played most besides Sonic’s team was Chaotix. Their unique detective gimmick made it fun, one of the reasons I took a liking to them most. Not surprisingly, Heroes introduced me to the three goofballs and without this game, my fondness for Espio never would have happened. Ironically, Team Chaotix was the first team I ever saw when I was introduced to the game back in elementary school. I also love how Heroes touts teamwork, friendship, and self-strength - like, this game not only pumped me up with its amazing electronic instrumentals and a couple of vocal songs, it also taught me to love myself when I felt useless or worthless THROUGH the lyrics. But such topics are for another day. Egg Emperor is by far the most difficult boss I ever witnessed in Sonic (and also had a cool design like Egg Dragoon). I am proud that I made it that far with half of the teams. If there was a couple things I wish the game made changes to, it's the cutscenes and gameplay. As far as the cutscenes go, it's a minor thing but since you have to replay all the levels four times, the least they could have done was not recycle most of the cutscenes, specifically the Team Battles. They should have at least changed perspective depending on which team was being played. The gameplay would have been way more fun if the controls weren't so darn slippery. I don't know how people don't have heart attacks while grinding on rails. Despite what people say about the casino stages in Heroes, I adore them. Yeah, they repetitive or boring, slow, and even annoying, but it beats Spinball, right? There hasn't been other levels like them since (probably for good reason in many people's minds) and I bet it's mechanics have never been seen before (I haven't seen any, at least). The haunted house stages were pretty trippy, kinda creepy, and a little aggravating but a neat concept and probably a favorite during Halloween (second to Pumpkin Hill, of course). I think the beach levels were a great call-back to the beach levels in previous games and I wish they replaced Green Hill. The Metropolis levels were wild and fantastic, the forest levels were a nice call-back to that one level from SA2, and, of course, the Air Fleet levels were all kinds of awesome (and terrifying). Rail Canyon levels can go die, however, I died constantly and they were not fun at all. The thing I found interesting about the level setup is that each zone is divided into three parts, including the boss battles. The Metal Sonic boss battle seems complicated but really challenging. I'm almost really thankful that I can't beat Egg Emperor. I know Heroes doesn't have much of a story but I quite like it. Each Team has their unique set of goals yet they all end up in the same place (seriously though, how were all four Teams in the same levels and boss fights without accidentally bumping into eachother? Someone needs to explain that). This game featured We Can as Team Sonic's theme and it's my absolute favorite song, don't know why anyone would call this amazing tune cheesy. The main theme pumped me up before I even started the game and I love it for that. What I'm Made Of is, by far, the best workout song. If everything I've said wasn't proof I've played the hell out of Heroes, I dunno what else is lol.
   
4. Sonic Adventure. Big surprise, right? (Heh, get it? Big? I'll let myself out…) I have almost no words to explain how much I love this game, even in all it’s flaws. This game was the first game I ever so it’s a pretty damn big deal to me. That said, I do have more memories tied with this than my number 1 game, funnily enough, but, as you’ll see later on, even nostalgia isn't strong enough to make this remembered classic title my top pick. Of course, it's pretty darn close to being there, at one point it was my number 1 but my feelings for it have evolved. Being that it was the first game I ever played, it now blows my mind that this game is the only game I know of to kick off with a boss. I haven’t seen another game that starts off like that. It sets the mood - you have to be on your toes in Sonic’s story. Even if there are other games like this out there, nothing was impactful as Chaos for me. He holds a special place in my heart for a reason - he is named aptly and represents the forces of nature perfectly (I really wish they showed off all his forms instead of making us wonder about two of them). I adore how mysterious the game is when you first play. Like, you are being dragged along with the story trying to piece everything together and wondering what the floating red glowing ball with a disembodied voice is all about. It’s also pretty cool to know that this tutorial guide is subtly a key factor into the game’s plot. Sonic was my favorite of all the characters because, truth be told, I was the biggest Sonic fangirl I knew. I loved playing as Tails but preferred his flight in the SA2 Chao Garden instead of “getting tired”. I always felt the pressure with the races so playing as Tails sometimes scarred younger me. I hated losing to Sonic but his upbeat comments at you were really nice. Knuckles was fun because I actually liked looking for Master Emerald shards (unlike in SA2). I probably enjoy Knuckles the most because I learned to roleplay as Knuckles (by myself, before I knew what that was), I had fun gliding, climbing, and digging (you can thank Gargoyles for this), and it remains as the only story in SA1 I beat. I didn’t really play the other three much as a kid, mainly because I never reached that point. Amy is a little wonky, Big does indeed have frustrating controls if you don't know what you're doing, and Gamma is fun but kinda meh. Out of the three gameplay styles, I definitely prefer Gamma but, unlike most fans, I actually like Big (only reason I liked Team Rose). Running and jumping using Amy’s hammer is oddly satisfying. The Chao Garden is of course fun but that’s not why I played the game; SA2’s Gardens are far superior and doesn't have that pesky risk of harming your Chao when you pick them up. I’m gonna go into a bit of nostalgia here for the remainder of this entry because I just remembered some things. I remember distinctly asking my oblivious mom what the heck to do when I reached the part where you get the light speed shoes, not having a clue how to perform the maneuver, and my mom having no clue either, I eventually progressed and my mom praised me for it. Definitely a good memory. Other memories also include getting stuck on the Egg Carrier level as both Sonic and Tails, getting stuck as Knuckles during his first stupid boss battle with Chaos 4 as well as in Mystic Ruins behind bars and having to call an old friend for help, and being terrified of Zero chasing Amy. I sadly never got to Gamma until later in life when I had the game for the 360 but I do remember watching him being played briefly at my cousins’ house. Even though I’m better at it now, don’t even get me started on how horrified I was at seeing my Chao die alot… cries a little But yeah, I enjoy the game because I actually remember stuff like this on the top of my head. I never actually reached the epic battle between Super and Chaos but I guess that is okay, even if a little sad. The main things I love about this game are how it showed the friendship between Sonic and Tails, how our two-tailed buddy believed in himself, how bittersweet Knuckles’ duty is, how strangely influential Amy is to other people, the determination of Big, how they took a frog and made him vital to the plot, Gamma’s entire existence, and just the legend of Chaos overall. I have to say this for SA1 - if it weren’t for it existing, I wouldn’t love Sonic the way I do now. Or grow to adore Big as much as I do. Or Tails! Funnily enough, I just remembered playing another game on the Dreamcast, Test Drive 6, and making a pick-up truck relatively the same color as Tails, LOL. It was because of SA1 that I even liked the franchise at all.Even though I didn’t beat the game itself, it still taught me alot about positivity, determination, and most importantly, opening my heart (yes, I'm serious). There are a number of other things I love and remember that I couldn’t possibly list here.
   
5. Sonic Shuffle. I’m pretty sure you weren’t expecting this game at all to show up (especially being number 1), since either people hate it, don’t remember it or are even aware of its existence. If you know anything about the game, you're likely really curious as to how a party game, of all things, made it to this spot on the list. Honestly, I really love this game and since gameplay isn't a priority to me, it boils down to story, it's morals, characters, and charm. Now, if you hate this game, it's not surprising to me that you took the time to laugh at what you just read. Hear me out, okay? I have fond memories with this game and as much crap as people give nostalgia, I personally believe nostalgia is an important factor. Unless your opinion has truly changed over time, which is fine, why rule it out? You’re getting rid of emotions tied with memories that, whether you like it or not, shaped your gaming experience. No matter how bad a game was. Nostalgia has a way of looking at things that alot of people give something unloved some deserved love. Anyway, I digress but the most important thing is how a game makes you feel. And this game gives me all kinds of feels. The opening is inviting (The overlook of the city looks so pretty, especially since this is the only cell-shaded I've played. The style really suits the game very well) and really captures the coolness of Sonic. That pose he is doing and the fact that he's on the tippy-top of that pole tells me Sonic is about to something very epic - and he does. Just like in both Adventure games, he jumps off the pole, falls, then runs down side of the building. To me, that is the essence of cool. Then he just hops down like gravity isn't even a thing. Tails, Knuckles, and Amy appear out of nowhere but that doesn't matter because they've been called on an adventure of a lifetime! Into a different dimension, no less! One of my favorite things is when Sonic whistles at Lumina x’D It's so random and Amy doesn't even react! I know he’s a ladies man in other media but this seems to prove it! The atmospheres feel new and fresh. Emerald Coast is a much prettier version of the SA1 level and it's where I realized I much prefer the Beach levels than Green Hill. Sadly I haven't played the other zones because this game is notoriously difficult, thanks to the AI cheating (I just thought I sucked. No joke, however, Shuffle is the Dark Souls of Sonic). Fourth Dimension Space blows my mind though. It looks to be extremely disorienting but gorgeous. I wish the Temple of Light, the only real consistent location, was in a higher resolution because I bet it would be really shiny and stuff; especially if all the cutscenes had been in the style that the very last cutscene was in. Speaking of which, it irks me that besides the intro, this last cutscene is the only time you see breathtaking graphics. The soundtrack is eclectic and unusual, which fits with the rest of the game’s uniqueness. It's a mix urban, DnB, funk, techno, jazz, and experimental freestyle DJ work (quoting someone who is observant here). Basically, when you put it on, expect a sort of musical noise. You probably won't hear another OST like Shuffle’s EVER. Along with the AI, there is a card system that goes from 1-6, S, and Eggman. I don't quite know why they kept it down to only 6 but eh, it works. Some people find the mini-games but I find them very fun. If nothing else, they are delightfully wacky. Some of my favorites are Sonic Parasol and Ring Tide, both beach related, they make me smile. Manic Maze might as well be gameception, as players get transported into board game! It's such a hilarious concept! Some other goofy mini-games include Sonicooking, where a solo player controls a frying pan with the other three players in it (basically you can cook them. Yum.), and Sonic DJ where a solo player controls a disc that the other three players stand on (they get stumble when you scratch the disc xD). Sonic Surfing, which is exactly what you'd expect from it's title, is fun just difficult to master. These are the kinds of things that make the game charming to me. There are some mini-events as well but it's been too long since I've played them to remember any of them. Even though a good majority of the in-game dialogue is ripped from SA1, I think its one of it's best features. As in, most lines are amusing. The dialogue for cutscenes are a bit jagged, cryptic, and incomplete. But I still it nonetheless. One of my favorite lines of all time are “WHAT EEEEVIL INVENTION SHOULD I USE THIS TIME?...” Then after the roulette wheel thingy of the Eggman Card has chosen the victim’s fate, “THIS IS WHAT I’LL DO TO YOUUU…” It’s just hilarious.
   

I think Shuffle is alot darker and applicable in terms of storyline than one might realize but you’d probably have to play the game for yourself with open eyes to see that. This is the only Sonic game to feature the complexity of dreams and the battle of loneliness. The latter is why the supposed villain, Void, is so special to me, as I relate to him on a deep level. He’s sort of like Gaara from Naruto in a way; one desperately wants love, the other desperately wants to be whole and have a reason for living. When Void shouts “Why was I born?!” it honestly hit home with me and made me tear up because I felt unloved and without a purpose for the longest time. His name even fits; his heart is vacant, soundless, an endless chasm, a void. His one desire is to be whole and he felt that his actions of seeking out the Precioustone were the product of fulfilling this need. What he didn't realize is that his dark powers shattered the lifeforce of his world and of everyone's dreams. On that note, the scene where all four characters encourage Lumina with their words are the most powerful words I've ever heard. The same goes for very last lines in the game. You'd think a small project like Shuffle wouldn't have much more lore than that but that's not the case! If you are observant, you will find there are lots of interesting unanswered questions that bring up theories and such. These reasons might seem strange to others who see Shuffle as just another Wild Card in the deck of Sonic games but I see it as a one of a kind gem.

Hi /Toronto.
I have lived in Hong Kong for a year now, and before that, Toronto for 5 years (working, not studying). I'm born in Canada, but didn't grow up in Toronto (grew up elsewhere in Canada), I'm sure I'll be back though.
Here is a reflection on some things I miss about Toronto, and just some general things that Toronto could learn from HK.
Things I miss:
Generally clean environment.
Usually something to do on the weekend with some sort of cultural stuff going on, like busker fest, or whatever - especially in the summer time.
The restaurants, and the ethnic variety to choose from.
I especially miss the blue chip wagon (mr. tasty fries) poutine (Smokes is garbage by comparison... sorry).
Everyone says sorry for pretty much everything (lol).
Getting to watch movies at the North American premiere date.
TV Shows and schedule are better than in HK (for American stuff, of course... but I mean, I go online anyways).
Driving a car... man I miss that.
BBQing
Shopping at Loblaws, and PC food in general (like the chocolate chip cookie... man, I miss that a lot).
working 9-5
Things I don't miss:
TTC, wow I hate that service with true passion, I mean it works - but dang, avoid it as much as possible.
No Cell phone/data service underground (I think it's on it's way at least).
Cold winter
The drunk people
The racists
Rob Ford (even though I voted for that poor guy... sorry, Toronto).
Sales Tax (and Canadian tax in general, actually).
Bell, Rogers, Telus... slow, expensive internet. and expensive cell smartphone bills.
Any of the sports teams (Argos, Leafs, Raps or Jays)
I'm probably forgetting some things for now. Toronto, like HK has a lot of dysfunction especially in the politics... but Toronto has added advantage that it is more transparent than here. HK is free, but its slowly becoming messed up.
Some opinions...
TTC really needs some serious overhaul. It works, but only kind of, and Torontonians are either woefully ashamed of it, or incredibly proud that it is able scrape by with it's 'next to nothing' funding. I am personally in the "very ashamed camp"... and seriously, the proud ones, gotta open up your eyes. TTC sucks, and bad. Countless delays, ridiculous fare pricing, and still using tokens?!?!, signal problems, streetcars getting stuck because of an idiot left turning car, dirty dirty dirty (ban food and drink from the subway, and you will get a lot of money from fines, and help pay for the cleaning staff). It's so utterly disappointing to see how far in the dark ages Toronto is with public transit. I get it though, Toronto is a car city. Here in HK (where something like 3% of the population own a car), the subway system, Bus system, and street car system (yah HK has a streetcar! err here they call them Ding Dings, haha!), are all separate entities that are privately operated (like a utility company I guess). A lot of lefties are gonna cry foul for private this and that, but somehow it works in HK. No idea why, but Toronto should seriously examine other systems and find out ways to adapt it.
OK, I also really don't like Winter. With the exception of snowboarding, I don't miss the Toronto winter at all. It's mild, compared to say, Ottawa or Montreal, but it's just a straight up nuisance. Blue Mountain also, sucks... But HK has no snow whatsoever.
Toronto has a serious infrastructure issue - I can't believe Toronto doesn't have the money to just maintain its roads properly, build new railways, and other tings like like bike lanes. Its embarrassing that the city is the richest, most populous in the country, and yet the Gardiner and DVP are a complete disaster and Torontonians just politely put up with it, and debate forever. Bike lanes, there are some, but Toronto needs more of them. HK has none.
Working 9-5 or 9-6, Definitely like that about Toronto. The work culture is great, and people are awesome. I like Toronto people for their awesomeness. You have time for a life outside of the office or job... which is great.
Surprisingly, Toronto food service is good at sit down restaurants. Here in HK, it sucks - big time. Here it's fast, but rushed... and cramped. In Toronto, on average... it's better. And you've got some good variety too if you enjoy other culture's food. Pho in Toronto, totally whoops HK Pho's ass.
You got sports teams, and that's awesome. But I don't care for them...
Toronto is talking about getting a Casino - don't do it, man. Let Niagara keep the trash there. If Toronto builds one, you should make every Torontonian $50 entry fee... and let only tourists in for free. That way, Torontonians hopefully will have less incentive to become a degenerate. Don't get me wrong, gambling can be fun... but mostly it's a BAD IDEA.
Last thing. I totally miss Toronto... awesome city. Best city in Canada... The worst thing about Toronto is the TTC. The best thing about Toronto, is everything else.
TLDR. Toronto and HK are both awesome, in their own ways.

Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet)
Date: 2012-05-15
Link to submission (Has self-text)
Link to my post

Questions	Answers
Are you hiring? I'd love to move to Canada.	Absolutely, We are looking for several positions and if you are sincerely looking for a job, message me :)
Does being a Casino Manager makes you keep your distance from gambling?	AMAZING question, It actually makes it worse. I had never gambled a day in my life until I took that position. It is the same across the board. Never met another manager that doesnt gamble.
Will you quit this job if you had given the choice?	I could not ask for a better job. Excitement every single day. Learing to control personal demons such as gambling and alcohol is always a fighting battle given the situation.
You are 100% right. U of Waterloo in Ontario conducted a study and they concluded that "casino employees exhibited rates of problem gambling that were over three times greater than rates that past studies have found in Ontario’s general population." -Link to uwspace.uwaterloo.ca.	I know my stuff ;). It's a weird feeling.
What do you play, and wht stakes do you play ? Also.. Does your entire salary go straight back to the casino after payday?	I like to play 1$ slots and blackjack for the most part. On blackjack my average bet is probably 60-75$. My salary does go back, but a portion of it does. I am pretty good at controlling myself, gets better by the year.
How is your daily routine in the casino?Do you get any perks?	They pay my cell phone bill. I get paid any expenses you could imagine. I get free tickets and merchandise all the time. Golf passes dinners etc.
Have you ever caught someone counting in blackjack?	Several times. With the security features we use, shuffle machines and cutting off 2-3 decks from the back, it's nearly impossible. Hell we will even teach you how to do it if you'll stay a while ;)
How did you get into the Casino business?	I applied to become a dealer, years ago. I just worked my way up. Its an amazing business.
Ever had somebody die on your floor? Or at least horribly injured?	Yes 2 people have died, one from a massive stroke, and another from a heart attack. We have had at least 25 heart attacks since I have worked there.
Do heart attacks happen more often when people win big or lose big?	There has never been a direct correlation between winning/losing big and our patrons having heart attacks.
Interesting. Thanks for the response.	Anytime :) I cant believe the responses already!
Statistically, you have the best chance of surviving a heart attack in a casino. The average response time drops from like 15 minutes in your home to something absurd like 30 seconds.	We are very quick to react. This and we have first aid training as well as AED on site.
What the highest single bet you have witnessed?	Here in Alberta, the maximum per spot on blackjack is 1000. I did witness a total table wager( by one player) Of 15,000. This was after he split 6 times and doubled once. He won evry wager on that hand.
Whats the luckiest person/win streak you have seen? (Not just 1 win but someone winning for a while or doing something crazy and it working)	I watched someone win 24,000 on a slot machine. I reset his machine and he won 24,000 the next spin. I had the machine investigated by AGLC and all was well. He was 80 so I don't think he could cheat. Lol.
Do Casino's pump high levels of oxygen into the gambling areas, if so is that allowed? Have you ever caught anyone having sex or masturbating in the Casino? Do the Slot Machines ever get tampered with by cheaters? What is the penalty for tampering with slot machines?	No we do not pump oxygen into the casino, It is not allowed. I had to fire an employee for masturbating in the customer bathrooms. Slots are rarely successfully tampered with, but it does happen quite often. The penalty is a fine and up to jail time. You can get in a LOT of trouble for trying something that is nearly impossible, like cheating a slot machine No problem :)
How...did you catch the guy spanking it? I fear to know yet I must ask for I can't think of a logical, sane way you caught the dude.	I walked in to the washroom to check on the status of the last cleaning, and I caught him beating it with the stall door open... he forgot to lock it. was very obvious and he didnt even try to deny it.
Nobody forgets to lock the door when they are wanging it.	He was off shift in 45 mins too... just couldnt wait.
It isn't illegal, what can the casinos do?	We reserve the right to remove any patron at any time for any reason.
Do you still have to cash their chips if you kick them out?	If they did not steal them, then Absolutely.
What is the best and worst part of your job?	The best is seeing a person win big. The worst is seeing someone leaving in tears and me knowing they are broke and have kids.
Have you ever cut someone a break?	Several times.
You've seen everything, have you seen Casino with Robert DeNiro in it and how accurate is that film?	I have seen it, and I have yet to see a movie that ACTUALLY portrays a real casino whatsoever.
Most movies don't portray anything realistically.	Good point. Casinos seem to be reallly far off though.
What about Croupier with Clive Owen.. good film..	Cant say ive seen it. Will watch.
What's the most desperate attempt to cheat in a casino you have ever seen?	A guy in the middle of a hand, did not agree with the way a dealer "flipped" their hole card so he took his bets off the table (approx 1400$) and tried to pocket them before we could count what he had bet. He then tried to replace his bets after we asked with about 800$. It was very very easy to catch the amount that was originally on there. Cameras/pit boss/dealer all agreed to the exact amount. He was later found trying to cash out $600 in chips (after losing) lol.
That actually sounds pretty clever. He should have just gone for a smaller amount though.	It wasnt bad. But he was on a high limit table with a lot of people watching
Any pranks you or your employees pulled?	Yup, I am known as the prankster. I like to send new employees looking for left handed roulette balls or polish for the blackjack shoes. After they waste an hour or so I tell them. And they are laughed at by patrons and employees. Its all in good fun. Never had a complaint.
What happens to a cheater once you found them out? Is it just a case of the cops getting called straight away?	I review the situation, and If I deem it cheating, a review is sent to AGLC and the patrons information gathered along with a police investigation. They will be prosecuted.
Do you catch cheaters? What were some cleveinvolved cheating schemes?	I have caught cheaters, almost always at blackjack and threecard poker. The most common way they cheat is called "pressing". Having a partner distract the dealer for a second while they use slight of hand to add chips. Some people are very good at this, so good its tough to see on camera even.
To be clear.. what they do is when they have a good hand, someone distracts the dealer and the guy with the good hand attempts to increase his bet? What do you do when you catch something like that?	We ban them Immediately. And other casinos recieve the memo an do the same.
Have you ever caught prostitution going on in the casino? What is the process of banning someone? Do they get put into a system? Do you have a banned wall?	Yes we catch dirty prostitutes all the time. The ban process is easy. We take what info we have on them, take a recent photo from a surveillance screenshot and then post it to the banned wall :)
How is the security in the casino? Edit: no i'm not planning a robbery...	The guards are pretty well trained. Also we have over 200 cameras. You are on camera within 1 KM of the casino. Also, all doors locked with special proxy cards that only have access to certain rooms, depending on position.
ONE KILOMETER? Are you kidding me? This is very secure, oh my.	Cant tell if sarcasm. Detector is broken.
No sarcasm. This blows my mind. I always thought you guys have over the top security, but such a radius around your casino is mind blowing :). Great AMA btw, thanks for your time!	I love the response im getting! This is awesome!
What is the process in working your way up from dealer to casino manager? How long did it take, what kind of background did you have prior to becoming a dealer? Also did you have to take any classes or anything like that either at an outside school or a company school to teach you all the ins and outs of the job? Did you ever think you'd be doing this or just sort of fall into it? What kind of responsibilities do you hold? I saw in your other posts that you mention throwing out people masturbating on the clock, helping people with gambling addictions and catching cheaters, but what is an everyday entail for you? I imagine you have to be a man with many hats (VIP guest liaison, worker ally, eyes for the bosses etc) Also last question I swear, what do you think of organized cheaters and the exposure they are getting such as Bringing Down the House/21 or the History Channel show on Breaking Vegas?	It took me 4 years to get where I am. Went from dealer to pit boss to pit supervisor to games manager. I haven't taken any special courses really. Some training sessions but that's about it. You need to have the gift they say. As for responsibilities. I am in charge of running every department when I am on shift. And I am in charge of all the money. The movies have not done anything except make us money. People come in all the time thinking they will count cards and win, and we smash them.
In my expeirence, the 'Summon Technician' button rarely works. Thoughts?	In my casino, it is attended to immediately. We are the only casino that I am aware of that does this.
Are employees allowed to gamble in the casino where they work? Or is just the manager that is allowed - I noticed you say you gamble off the clock. I live in England and am sure this is against nearly all casino policy.	Only waitresses and guest services may gamble in our casino. No gaming worker is allowed to gamble in their own casino in alberta.
Any moral qualms sometimes?	Never, Its a persons choice on what the wish to gamble.
Give it a few more years.	I've got over that a long time ago. During my dealing days.
a follow up, sorry for that.. How do your co-workers react to yout gambling, does this make it awkward in any way?	Actually, I tend to go to different casinos with my co-workers, awkwardness is never an issue.
Since you know a lot about security and cheating, do you know any loopholes in your or any other casino?	Our casino is very secure. Some of the other casinos on the other hand..
For example?	That I can't really disclose. Although. It's quite funny which one is the worst. I will leave it at that. I'm sure that comment alone will help some people.
Many years ago my mom had a gambling addiction. We werent sure how severe it was, we just thought she would go to the casino and have some fun and risk $200 or so. The casino hooked her in with the whole VIP treatment and rewards as an incentive to come back. One weekend she lost all her life savings ($300,000) It impacted our family a lot, as we were pretty much broke after she lost all our money. Even to this day we havent recovered, i missed out on college to work instead and been on my own since. My mom whos supposed to be close to retirement age is still working to support herself. I know casinos are for entertainment, but more often than not stories like this happen. How do you feel when a family is affected deeply because of gambling problems?	Honestly that is the only hard part of the job. But after the years, I've become mostly desensitized to it.
Have you ever seen Ocean's Eleven? Did you just laugh and laugh and laugh?	Not a fan of those movies :(
Have you ever been to Montecarlo? Do you think there are many differences between the european casino scene and the US/Canadian scene?	Never been to Montecarlo, but from everything I have learned about it, It is very similar to our casinos in Canada (barring a few different table games). They have a lot of the same slot machines and their security is VERY high.
So, do you get hookers?	Not once in my life.
Is there a certain amount of time that people are allowed to gamble before some sort of intervention takes place? (e.g. can't gamble for more than 24 hours straight, etc.)	Our casino is only open for 17 hours at a time maximum. That is the law in this province. But under certain circumstances, we do offer help to people we notice becoming chronic gamblers.
What Kind of help do you offer out of interest? I get that the human factor is probably the reason its offered as the business side must actually like chronic gamblers.	We offer councelling (not directly, but sources) and different programs such as VSE. VSE= Voluntary Self Exclusion. You will be excluded from gaming in ALL of Alberta. If caught in gaming facilities you can be arrested.
Favorite Ice cream flavor?	Vanilla for the most part. Although I do like neopalitan.
Have you ever caught your employees stealing chips? Edit: i cant spell.	I try to hire employees that I trust with the chips so that I dont have to worry about them. It has never happened to my knowledge.
You mentioned that you try to hire employees that are trustworthy with the chips etc. Do you have to run any criminal history checks, bankruptcy checks etc before you hire people? Do you use continuous shuffle machines to deal blackjack or do you deal from a shoe? If from a shoe, how many decks? How do you combat card counters? What is the food chain like? Here we have Dealers < Floor managers < Pit Bosses < Duty managers < Casino manager. Where do you fit in? How do the high rollers rooms work? Can someone walk in and flash cash to get in or do you need to gamble a certain amount first? What perks do high rollers get?	Yes background checks and credit checks are run on ALL employees. We offer both continuous shuffles and shoes We use 8 decks and cut 3 off the back, as well as use a shoe cover. Very hard to count cards like that. In our casino I would be considered 2nd in line. High rollers are treated very well. Comped tabs etc. free trips to shows and all that jazz.
Have you ever seen a man eat his own head?	Nope!
Ever seen a card cheat get his hand smashed by a ballpeen hammer ?	Never had to use violence for a cheating patron. Drunk patrons on the other hand....
Great AMA! You answer almost everything!	Thanks! I try to answer everything, I know i miss stuff but you guys comments lots! hard to keep up!
Here's my question: How do your responsibilities differ from a Pit Boss? Are you in charge of the food and alcohol people, too? How much time per shift do you spend on the floor and how much time do you spend interacting with individual guests?	I am in charge of all departments when I am on shift. Pit boss is strictly in charge of the pit. I am always on the gaming floor interacting with guests. Its the best part of my job :)
Any suicides? I live near Niagara Falls and we hear stories all the time of people who blow it all in the casinos and take a dive over the falls.	Yes unfortunately. :(
Are you from Edmonton by chance? If so care to comment why CH is still allowed to play in the poker rooms after being caught ripping off casinos with his bad beat scam?	Not from edmonton, but I do know who you are talking about. It is the discretion of the casinos. He should be banned but they have failed to file charges.
They are still aware of what he did and as a pretty frequent player it sort of sucks having to sit at a table with someone you know was using dealers to set up bad beats....	You play at yellowhead?
How does the casino decide what background music to play? do you hate those songs now?	I ususally pick it. I pick it depending on the majority of the crowd. (old people = classic rock, young people = new music.) We have lots of playlists it doesnt really get too bad.
I notice a lot of times my favorite slot machines are removed from the floor and never to be seen again. Do you guys store them in a basement or sell them to other casinos? Recycle them for parts?	Machines are regulated by AGLC, they send us new ones and take old every week.
How long does training for croupier last? Are there opportunities for college students?	Training is usually a month long. Its easier to get a job as a dealer if you are young. Young people seem to learn a lot easier.
What is the longest you've seen a customer play a machine? Any 24-hour slot machine marathons?	Open to close 4 days in a row. (17 hours a day)
What is your coin-in on an average Saturday night? Biggest New Year's Eve coin-in you can remember? What's the average toke rate?	Over 1.5 million. Best tip rate for a week was 30 ish.
How much do you make? What's your educational background? Edit: saw that you can't answer how much you make. So how'd you get into the job?	I walked in an applied for dealer. They loved my attitude and hired me on the spot.
So you were hired as a dealer and then moved up in the ranks? Sounds like a sweet job and a managerial position involving actual job duties.	Absolutely.
Just curious (and maybe you don't know)-- how exactly is the software sold for the newer digital games? Order "Three of Game A, three of game B" and remain stuck with it? Order them configured one way, but the software can be replaced for a token sum? If so, is it an in-house operation, or a "vendor service has to be called? They can load any firmware specced as compatible with the box? I notice there's always one or two machines in a bank of (physically) equivalent units which have an unpopular game (like the one which starts belting out Dean Martin songs at 600 decibels in attract mode) so they sit relatively unused, but they never change them. Is it laziness, cost, or technical limits?	I dont deal with the digital games sorry!
The Ontario Lottery Corporation is in the process of rolling out an online casino. From an industry persepective, what are your views on online casinos? Is the software designed to give you gains but take back once you win-loss ratio is too high?	Online casinos (legit ones) Run by pretty much the same stats as a real casino. Same odds of winning almost exactly.
Can you see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?	Its magically delicious, or wait.. damn lucky charms
What's a good starting job to get at a casino that will eventually get you into a managing position?	Dealer is the absolute best.
Thanks for the swift response.	No problem.
Just in case you are still answering at all...what's te stupidest/seemingly impossible thing you've seen/heard of a dealer doing? Most awesome/badass?	I had a dealer deal a full table of blackjack entirely fucking backwards. I almost pissed myself no joke.
If some patron is winning a lot of money, would you kick them out? Say for instance a guy is playing Blackjack and went from 1000 dollars to 100000 dollars and wants to continue playing. He is literally just owning the table winning 9/10 hands. Would you kick this guy out or let him keep playing?	Nope, its good in house advertising to have big winners :)
Not sure if this was asked already, but is there really oxygen pumped into the casinos like people say there is? Or is it just the shiny lights and excitement that will keep you going all night?	No oxygen pumped in. Its the lights and atmosphere.
What was the most someone won in one night?	1.1 million dollars.
If I were looking to move to Vegas, how difficult do you think it'd be to get a decent paying job working in the casinos? I have a friend who moved there and is looking for a roommate, but I'm nervous about taking the step without a job lined up.	As long as you have a good head on your shoulders and the motivation, its pretty easy to get into the business.
What''s your salary roughly?	Thats actually the only thing im not willing to disclose. Sorry pal.
Who is your favorite porn star?	Hootie McBoob.
Do casinos usually offer part-time jobs as croupiers?	Always have part time positions open. Especially for weekends.
I saw that you didn't like Ocean's Eleven, but how did the guys get all those hooker flyers into the vault?	Lol your guess is as good as mine ;)
1) How's the pay? 2) You already mentioned that you worked your way up from a dealer. Is there much higher that you can go? 3) How has the economic downturn affected business?	The pay is great You can go to managing a whole casino, given time Business has actually gone up. Alberta isnt very effected by it.
How often do you feel like De Niro?	Every day.
Are there or have there been times when you know someone is cheating or doing something "unethical" but you just can't get the evidence? If so, do they still frequent the casino? do you feel like they do it on purpose to piss you (the casino) off because they know that you know?	I dont need evidence, if someone is suspected of cheating they are gone. AGLC backs us 100%
I live in vegas and recently a guy robbed a casino and stole like 100k of chips, whats the process of making sure he isnt able to cash those chips in. (He was wearing a mask) So does the casinos like remake all new chips or what?	We track our 100$ chips very carefully. when people cashout 100 or more, we know about it. If we dont see them playing, we watch that person closely.
What is the best way to get a room comped for a weekend (I always seem to get Sun-Thur offers)? What is the average bet / hours required of play (assuming black jack)? Is it true you should expect 30% of your losses returned in the form of comps?	I wouldnt count on getting 30%, maybe 5-10%. Average bet should be about 50-60$
Lots of questions have come up about players cheating, but what about the house? I know people who have seen casinos get busted for rigging games. I have certainly played at blackjack tables where the dealers seemed to have an uncanny ability to predict hands, I even once had a dealer reveal a blackjack without using the little peek thing. Dealt, asked for insurance (with great intensity), told us we should have taken the hint and flipper her card. Have you seen any cheating by the house or have any reason to think it happens?	Never have I seen cheating by the house. I guarantee it doesnt happen in any legit casino in Canada. There are inspectors at all times. I truly believe that it doesnt happen. As a dealer myself I could "predict" my handsquite often. Because you do it so many times in one day you are bound to get it right.
How many bones have you witnessed being broken? or families ruined because of gambling everything away? a lot or a ton?	Maybe 5 broken bones, probably 50 families :(
Have you ever felt the need to tell some poor old folks: "Take your welfare checks home." ?	Nope, they usually play small just to pass the time. They are very nice.
How prevalent is patron on patron theft? For example, leaning over and grabbing a few of someone else's chips while they're not looking, or tapping their stack with a drink (which happens to have tape on the bottom) or things like that?	Doesn't happen very often chip wise. But it does happen if people leave credits in a machine, drop money on the ground, or leave money in an ATM. We will hunt the patron down and force them to pay back the money.
Why do Asians gamble so much and where the hell do they get all of that money?	I dont want to speculate where they get it..
What would be the best way to go about robbing a casino?	Not trying ;). No one gets away.
What do you do with underage kids or kids with fake IDs? do they ever show up?	Kick them out and file a report. If they have fake ID, file it with the police.
I went to the casino for my first time last week. Slots are boring as shit. Do you recommend a black jack guide to get the hang of things? Thanks.	Always good to go in knowing basic strategy. check out wizardofodds.com.
How much do you earn on average yearly?	Cant disclose that :(
What's your take on Scorsese's 1995 "Casino"? :D:D.	Would watch again.
Did you read the novels by Mario Puzo about the inner workings of a casino? Would you say that they are accurate?	Not yet, in process.
What's your favorite Canadian province besides Alberta?	Ontario.
My question is why did you use a combination of Photoshop and real-life obfuscation for your badge? Carefully torn and placed pieces of pink and black tape, then some kind of 1990s-era Photoshop airbrushing around the perimeter...	I was looking for something quick. And I never really used a site like this. I know, I suck.
What are your thoughts on the Martingale method of gambling on Red/Black in Roulette? I have had moderate success waiting for a run of 4 of one colour, then betting $25 on the opposite colour, then doubling each time until I win.	Its a very bad system for the most part. you risk a lot to win a little.
How often do customers claim the dealer misheard/misinterpreted what they said to do? E.g.. the customer was playing blackjack, didn't want to hit, but the dealer misheard them and dealed them a card, which caused them to bust.	5 times a day at least. I usually give them the benefit of the doubt.
Are there any games that people can beat long run other than bj?	You can't beat BJ in the long run. There is no way to make money.
Since Counting cards isn't illegal, if you catch someone do you still black ball them and tell all the other casinos?	No. Unless they actually cheat, they aren't black balled.
What is the craziest thing you've seen?	I answered this a little further down bud.
Have you ever seen a guy eat his own head?	Hasn't happened to date..
Have you seen a live unicorn?	Nope, it was dead.
What's the largest sum of money you've seen someone lose in one day?	100K on blackjack.
So you admit that you are a liar? EDIT: I do believe this means you have to forfeit your casino to me.	Rules are rules I guess :(
Have you ever seen a queen in her damned undies, as the feller says?	Once back in 06.

Last updated: 2012-05-19 15:36 UTC
This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.