I already own Darksiders III and Yakuza Kiwami 2, so I figured I'd just skip this month and trade for the other games on here. I haven't updated my list in a long time, so there may be one or two games that I don't have anymore, but I still own most of them. So far, the games I'm looking for are:
Imperator: Rome Deluxe Edition
Crying Suns
Darksburg
Little Misfortune
Smile for Me
Darkwood
Tsioque
Rover Mechanic Simulator
Youropa
Townsmen - A Kingdom Rebuilt
​
The ones that I have for trade are:
​
Humble Gift Link -
​
The Uncertain: Last Quiet Day
​
Knights of Pen and Paper 1+2 Collection
​
Road Redemption
​
This War of Mine
​
Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
​
Torchlight
​
Torchlight II
​
The First Tree
​
One Deck Dungeon
​
Skybolt Zack
​
Golf With Your Friends - OST
​
Codex of Victory
​
Conglomerate 451
​
Deep Sky Derelicts
​
Gift of Parthax
​
Haimrik
​
Quantum Replica
​
Re-Legion
​
Shiny
​
Through the Woods
​
The Inner World
​
Pixel Heroes Byte & Magic
​
Safety First!
​
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
​
The Textorcist: The Story of Ray Bibbia + Soundtrack
​
Vambrace: Cold Soul Soundtrack
​
Vampyr
​
AER Memories of Old
​
Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
​
State of Mind
​
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II
​
Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War III
​
Warhammer 40,000: Sanctus Reach
​
Warhammer: End Times - Vermintide
​
Batman - The Telltale Series
​
Batman: The Enemy Within - The Telltale Series
​
Oxenfree
​
The Walking Dead
​
The Walking Dead - 400 Days
​
The Walking Dead: Michonne - A Telltale Miniseries
​
The Walking Dead: Season Two
​
Astebreed Definitive Edition
​
LiEat
​
Mitsurugi Kamui Hikae
​
Momodora: Reverie Under The Moonlight
​
GET EVEN
​
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics
​
Mysterium: A Psychic Clue Game
​
Small World 2
​
Splendor
​
Twilight Struggle
​
Gabriel Knight: Sins of the Father
​
Black The Fall
​
Children of Zodiarcs
​
Deadbeat Heroes
​
Forgotton Anne
​
Goetia
​
Tokyo Dark
​
The Turing Test
​
Train Valley 2
​
A Good Snowman is Hard to Build
​
A Mortician's Tale
​
Alien Spidy
​
Broken Age
​
Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons
​
Brutal Legend
​
Darksiders II Deathinitive Edition
​
Darksiders Warmastered Edition
​
DUCATI - 90th Anniversary
​
Europa Universalis IV
​
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
​
GNOG
​
Hacknet
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Hollow Knight
​
LEGO Batman 3: Beyond Gotham
​
Lostwinds
​
Magicka
​
Music Maker EDM Edition
​
PAC-MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
​
Party Hard
​
Pikuniku
​
Psychonauts
​
Rebuild 3: Gangs of Deadsville
​
Sniper Elite 3
​
Speed Brawl
​
Stealth 2: A Game of Clones
​
Stick Fight: The Game
​
Super Hexagon
​
SUPERHOT
​
This is the Police
​
Tilt Brush
​
Tropico 4
​
Undertale
​
VVVVVV
​
World of Goo
​
Worms Revolution
​
Zombotron
​
Dead Rising 4
​
Devil May Cry 4: Special Edition
​
RESIDENT EVIL 2 - All In-game Rewards Unlock
​
STRIDER
​
Reigns
​
Reigns: Her Majesty
​
Equilinox
​
MagiCat
​
Samorost 3
​
1 Screen Platformer
​
A Glider's Journey
​
Adventure Boy Cheapskate DX
​
Animal Super Squad
​
Anomaly 2
​
Anomaly Defenders
​
Anomaly Korea
​
Anomaly: Warzone Earth
​
Anomaly Warzone Earth Mobile Campaign
​
Artemis: God-Queen of the Hunt
​
Balancelot
​
Bastion
​
Cathedral
​
Chivalry: Medieval Warfare
​
Clatter
​
Dead by Daylight - Of Flesh and Mud
​
Dead by Daylight - Spark of Madness
​
Deadlight: Director's Cut
​
Dino Run DX
​
Downtown Drift
​
Draw Your Game
​
Drink More Glurp Jingle Jam Challenge
​
Invisible Inc.
​
Kalaban
​
Kingdom: New Lands
​
Motorsport Manager
​
Must Dash Amigos
​
Nemo Dungeon
​
Neverwinter: Vestments of the Wind Pack
​
Ninja Senki DX
​
PAC-MAN CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION 2
​
Potatoman Seeks the Troof
​
Pumped BMX +
​
Rapture Rejects
​
Rebound Dodgeball Evolved
​
Red Horizon
​
Rogue Rocks
​
Scanner Sombre
​
Songs of Skydale
​
Stories: The Path of Destinies
​
Super Chicken Catchers
​
THE TEAR
​
YORG.io
​
Chasm
​
Fluffy Horde
​
Regular Human Basketball
​
Fairy Fencer F: Advent Dark Force Complete Deluxe Set
​
Megatagmension Blanc + Neptune VS Zombies (Neptunia)
​
Moero Chronicle
​
Neptunia Shooter
​
Superdimension Neptune VS Sega Hard Girls
​
Trillion: God of Destruction
​
Beckett
​
Everything
​
Rusty Lake Hotel
​
The Stanley Parable
​
Thomas Was Alone
​
Yume Nikki
​
YUMENIKKI -DREAM DIARY-
​
Game Character Hub PE: DS Generator Parts
​
Game Character Hub PE: Second Story
​
Game Character Hub: Portfolio Edition
​
RPG Maker MV
​
RPG Maker MV - GENE
​
RPG Maker MV - MADO
​
RPG Maker MV - SAKAN
​
RPG Maker VX
​
RPG Maker VX Ace
​
RPG Maker XP
​
Visual Novel Maker + Live 2D
​
Evergarden
​
Shenmue I & II
​
SYNTHETIK: Legion Rising
​
Bridge Constructor Portal
​
Portal Knights
​
SEUM: Speedrunners from Hell
​
Staxel
​
Tricky Towers
​
When Ski Lifts Go Wrong
​
Planet Alpha
​
Puss!
​
The Spiral Scouts
​
Cat Quest
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Immortal Planet
​
Pillars of Eternity
​
Tyranny - Standard Edition
​
Carrier Command: Gaea Mission
​
Pound of Ground
​
Take On Helicopters
​
Take on Mars
​
Ylands
​
Distance
​
God's Trigger
​
Guacamelee! 2
​
MOTHERGUNSHIP
​
DISTRAINT 2
​
Rusty Lake Paradise
​
Unexplored
​
The Adventure Pals
​
Almost There: The Platformer
​
Yoku's Island Express
​
60 Parsecs!
​
Love is Dead
​
Road Redemption
​
Clustertruck
​
Diaries of a Spaceport Janitor
​
Party Hard
​
Punch Club
​
SpeedRunners
​
Duskers
​
Paratopic
​
Pool Panic
​
Red Faction Guerilla Re-Mars-tered
​
Black The Fall
​
Octahedron
​
The Turing Test
​
I'm not a Monster
​
Wandersong
​
11-11 Memories Retold
​
Impact Winter
​
Little Nightmares
​
PAC-MAN™ Championship Edition DX+
​
Project CARS
​
Genital Jousting
​
Highway Blossoms
​
Just Deserts
​
Purrfect Date
​
Sunrider Academy
​
Sunrider: Liberation Day - Captain's Edition
​
Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition
​
Tooth and Tail
​
Dandara
​
MINIT
​
Steel Rats
​
12 is Better Than 6
​
BLACKHOLE
​
Cook, Serve, Delicious! 2!!
​
Kingsway
​
kuso
​
Soft Body
​
Way of the Passive Fist
​
Slipstream
​
Dear Esther: Landmark Edition
​
GoNNER
​
Headlander
​
Ken Follett's The Pillars of the Earth
​
Shadow Tactics: Blades of the Shogun
​
Bleed 2
​
Rapture Rejects
​
Rock of Ages 2: Bigger and Boulder
​
Sniper Elite 3
​
Interplanetary: Enhanced Edition
​
Worms Clan Wars
​
Animal Super Squad
​
Anomaly 2
​
Anomaly Defenders
​
Anomaly: Warzone Earth
​
Blade & Bones
​
Board Battlefield
​
Clicker bAdventure
​
Cloudborn
​
Convoy
​
Cube Link
​
Deep Dungeons of Doom
​
Detective Case and Clown Bot in: Murder in the Hotel Lisbon
​
Don't Stand Out
​
Dungeon Escape
​
Fahrenheit: Indigo Prophecy Remastered
​
Flux8
​
Freaky Awesome
​
Guns of Icarus Alliance Collector's Edition
​
Hackyzack
​
The Haunting of Billy
​
Hello Pollution!
​
Hyperdrive Massacre
​
Indecision.
​
Kabounce
​
Lakeview Cabin Collection
​
Last Encounter
​
LOVE
​
Lucius Demake
​
Marvin's Mittens
​
Match Point
​
No Time To Explain Remastered
​
Race The Sun
​
R-COIL
​
Road Doom
​
Slime-san
​
Super Steampunk Pinball 2D
​
Sure Footing
​
Switchblade Starter Pack
​
Temple of Xiala
​
Throne of Lies The Online Game of Deceit
​
Tower 57
​
Tross
​
Unit 4
​
Wizorb
​
Zero G Arena
​
Colt Express
​
King and Assassins
​
Kentucky Route Zero
​
RWBY: Grimm Eclipse
​
War for the Overworld + Heart of Gold DLC
​
The Dwarves
​
Resident Evil Revelations
​
Gremlins, Inc.
​
Old Man's Journey
​
Pathfinder Adventures
​
Talisman: Digital Edition
​
Carcassonne - Tiles & Tactics
​
Talisman: Digital Edition
​
How to Survive 2
​
Darksiders II: Deathinitive Edition
​
12 is Better than 6
​
Bear With Me - Collector's Edition
​
Dungeon of the Endless
​
Jalopy
​
NBA Playgrounds
​
Action Henk
​
JYDGE
​
Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes
​
Kingdom: New Lands
​
Laser League
​
Holy Potatoes! We're In Space?!
​
Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City
​
Grand Theft Auto III
​
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City
​
Filthy, Stinking, Orcs
​
Sanctum 2
​
Grey Goo
​
Sorcerer King: Rivals
​
​
Green Man Gaming -
​
CRUSADER KINGS II
​
WARHAMMER END TIMES VERMINTIDE
​
INJUSTICE GODS AMONG US ULTIMATE
​
THE FLAME IN THE FLOOD
​
FROZEN SYNAPSE PRIME
​
BEAT COP
​
SUPER CLOUDBUILT
​
THE LITTLE ACRE
​
INSURGENCY
​
FEAR 3
​
DEAD AGE
​
MAGICKA
​
SERIAL CLEANER
​
CASTLEVANIA LORDS OF SHADOW 2
​
FAHRENHEIT REMASTERED
​
OPERATION FLASHPOINT RED RIVER
​
ROCKET KNIGHT
​
LEGO BATMAN
​
BIOZONE
​
ADR1FT
​
​
Fanatical -
​
Autonauts
​
Guards
​
How to Take Off Your Mask
​
ENIGMA:
​
Garfield Kart
​
Stronghold Legends: Steam Edition
​
Styx: Master of Shadows
​
Among the Sleep - Enhanced Edition
​
EARTH'S DAWN
​
Do Not Feed the Monkeys
​
Rain World
​
Shadwen
​
Syndrome
​
The Technomancer
​
Chess Ultra
​
Arcana Heart 3 LOVE MAX!!!!!
​
DEAD OR SCHOOL
​
Shiness: The Lightning Kingdom
​
XBlaze Code: Embryo
​
XBlaze Lost: Memories
​
Duke Nukem Forever
​
GUILTY GEAR Xrd -REVELATOR-
​
Party Hard 2
​
The Walking Dead
​
This War of Mine
​
Blood: Fresh Supply
​
Syberia II
​
If My Heart Had Wings
​
LoveKami -Divinity Stage-
​
LoveKami -Useless Goddess-
​
The Surge
​
Dungeons 2
​
The First Templar - Steam Special Edition
​
Urban Empire
​
The Dark Eye: Demonicon
​
Chronicles of Magic: Divided Kingdoms
​
Endless Fables 3: Dark Moor
​
King's Heir: Rise to the Throne
​
Lost Grimoires 3: The Forgotten Well
​
My Brother Rabbit
​
Noir Chronicles: City of Crime
​
Path of Sin: Greed
​
Queen's Quest 4: Sacred Truce
​
Tharsis
​
Little Big Adventure 2
​
Return to Mysterious Island 2
​
Damned
​
Return to Mysterious Island
​
Odyssey - The Story of Science
​
Little Big Adventure - Enhanced Edition
​
Sanitarium
​
The Royal Marines Commando
​
STARBO
​
Raptor: Call of The Shadows - 2015 Edition
​
Guns of Icarus Online
​
Hamsterdam
​
Gates of Hell
​
Perfect Heist
​
Aces of the Luftwaffe
​
Operation Thunderstorm
​
Clouds & Sheep 2
​
Archamon
​
The Crown of Leaves
​
HERO DEFENSE
​
Tales From Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
Last Dream: World Unknown
​
The Swindle
​
Robothorium: Cyberpunk Dungeon Crawler
​
Equilinox
​
Rogue Wizards
​
Codex of Victory
​
Haimrik
​
In Fear I Trust
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 2
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 3
​
In Fear I Trust - Episode 4
​
The Watchmaker
​
The Uncertain - The Last Quiet Day
​
World's Dawn
​
Extinction
​
Infinite Air with Mark McMorris
​
Super Inefficient Golf
​
Tales of Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
Shadwen
​
Creeping Terror
​
Fantasy Wars
​
Ascension to the Throne
​
Savage Lands
​
Survivalist
​
Still Life
​
Holy Avatar vs. Maidens of the Dead
​
Syberia
​
Miasmata
​
Syberia II
​
Looterkings
​
Damned
​
Lost Civilization
​
QuestRun
​
Railroad Pioneer
​
SkyDrift
​
Thunder Wolves
​
Airline Tycoon Deluxe
​
Overclocked: A History of Violence
​
Dark Strokes: The Legend of the Snow Kingdom Collector's Edition
​
Eternal Journey: New Atlantis
​
Forest Legends: The Call of Love Collector's Edition
​
House of 1000 Doors: Evil Inside
​
House of 1000 Doors: Serpent Flame
​
Joan Jade and the Gates of Xibalba
​
Love Alchemy: A Heart in Winter
​
Magic Encyclopedia: Moon Light
​
Mind's Eye: Secrets of the Forgotten
​
The Fog: Trap for Moths
​
Analogue: A Hate Story
​
Detention
​
The Coma: Recut
​
The Coma: Recut - Soundtrack & Art Pack DLC
​
Revolution Ace
​
Californium
​
SkyDrift
​
Clinically Dead
​
Out There Somewhere
​
Fate Tectonics
​
Plazma Being
​
One Finger Death Punch
​
ESport Manager
​
Dungeons 2
​
Galaxy Squad
​
Oriental Empires
​
Stars in Shadow
​
TASTEE Lethal Tactics
​
The Lion's Song: Season Pass
​
Homeworld Remastered Collection
​
Shuyan Saga
​
Steel Vampire
​
Arcana Heart 3 LOVE MAX!!!!
​
Guilty Gear X2 #Reload
​
Lifeless Planet Premier Edition
​
Snake Pass
​
BEEP
​
DRAGON: A Game About a Dragon
​
Destiny Warriors RPG
​
Gun Rocket
​
Labyronia RPG
​
Labyronia RPG 2
​
LocoSoccer
​
Out There Somewhere
​
Storm of Spears RPG
​
Subterra
​
Sun Blast: Star Fighter
​
The Odyssey: Winds of Athena
​
Tiny Bridge: Ratventure
​
Crouching Pony Hidden Dragon
​
GAUGE
​
Isbarah
​
Poöf
​
Puddle
​
Replay - VHS is not dead
​
Wooden Sen'SeY
​
House of Caravan
​
Cultures Northland
​
Splatter Zombie Apocalypse
​
Squirbs
​
Learn Japanese to survive Hiragana Battle
​
Airscape The Fall of Gravity
​
Revolution Ace
​
Labyronia RPG
​
PARTICLE MACE
​
Cultures 8th Wonder of the World
​
GIBZ
​
STAR WARS Jedi Knight - Jedi Academy
​
STAR WARS Jedi Knight II - Jedi Outcast
​
Dex
​
Figment
​
Hive Jump
​
Jalopy
​
PewDiePie: Legend of the Brofist
​
THE KING OF FIGHTERS XIII STEAM EDITION
​
Blades of Time Limited Edition
​
Blood Knights
​
Demonicon
​
Drakensang
​
GemCraft - Chasing Shadows
​
Heroes of Annihilated Empires
​
Inquisitor
​
Knights and Merchants
​
Lichdom: Battlemage
​
Numen: Contest of Heroes
​
Rune Classic
​
Sudeki
​
Two Worlds II: Velvet Edition
​
Wizardry 6&7
​
Asteroid Bounty Hunter
​
Charlie's Adventure
​
Cube Runner
​
Duke of Alpha Centauri
​
Fly and Destroy
​
Hungry Flame
​
Neon Space
​
Neon Space 2
​
ShipLord
​
Slash It
​
Slash It 2
​
Spin Rush
​
Survive in Space
​
Upside Down
​
Distant Worlds: Universe
​
Heavy Burger
​
I am not a Monster
​
Learn Japanese to survive Hiragana Battle
​
SimplePlanes
​
Sword Legacy Omen
​
Moero Chronicle
​
Moero Chronicle - Deluxe Pack DLC
​
35MM
​
Deadlight
​
Distrust
​
Killing Room
​
March of the Living
​
Savage Lands
​
Tharsis
​
Valnir Rok Survival RPG
​
Dreamscapes: The Sandman - Premium Edition
​
Dreamscapes: Nightmare's Heir - Premium Edition
​
Sea Legends: Phantasmal Light Collector's Edition
​
Witch's Pranks: Frog's Fortune Collector's Edition
​
Kingdom of Aurelia: Mystery of the Poisoned Dagger
​
Taken Souls: Blood Ritual Collector's Edition
​
Silver Tale
​
A Plot Story
​
Hexus
​
Jane Angel: Templar Mystery
​
Dream Walker
​
Witch's Tales
​
Escape Doodland
​
Mad Dream: Coma
​
Earthworms
​
Clinically Dead
​
Mech Rage
​
Camper Jumper Simulator
​
ESport Manager
​
Darkest Hunters
​
The Sexy Brutale
​
Beholder
​
The Last Door - Collector's Edition
​
The Last Door: Season 2 - Collector's Edition
​
Cognition: An Erica Reed Thriller
​
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
​
System Shock 2
​
Metal Fatigue
​
Spirits of Xanadu
​
Shadow Man
​
I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream
​
Homeworld Remastered Collection
​
Tales from Candlekeep: Tomb of Annihilation
​
PAYDAY 2
​
Jalopy
​
Hover
​
Figment
​
Subterrain
​
STARWHAL
​
Scribblenauts Unmasked: A DC Comics Adventure
​
Joggernauts
​
The Long Reach
​
Mainlining
​
Coffin Dodgers
​
The Rivers of Alice - Extended Version
​
Zombie Kill of the Week - Reborn
​
The Walking Vegetables
​
Unbox: Newbie's Adventure
​
System Shock: Enhanced Edition
​
UNLOVED
​
Killing Room
​
Sir, You Are Being Hunted
​
Styx: Shards of Darkness
​
STAR WARS - Knights of the Old Republic
​
STAR WARS Knights of the Old Republic II - The Sith Lords
​
Shadowrun: Hong Kong - Extended Edition
​
SimCity™ 4 Deluxe Edition
​
STAR WARS™ - The Force Unleashed™ Ultimate Sith Edition
​
METAL SLUG X
​
Oxenfree
​
Galactic Civilizations II: Ultimate Edition
​
Sins of a Solar Empire: Trinity
​
Fallen Enchantress: Legendary Heroes
​
The Political Machine 2016
​
The Corporate Machine
​
Sorcerer King: Rivals
​
Demigod
​
Go! Go! Nippon! ~My First Trip to Japan~
​
March of the Living
​
Four Sided Fantasy
​
Dungeon Rushers
​
The Invisible Hours
​
Dead Secret
​
The Free Ones
​
HIVESWAP: Act 1
​
Castle of no Escape 2
​
Galactic Lords
​
W4RR-i/o-RS
​
Nogibator: Way Of Legs
​
WN - ShP
​
Fairy Lands: Rinka and the Fairy Gems
​
Drill Arena
​
Walhall
​
Er-Spectro
​
Risky Rescue
​
Frederic: Evil Strikes Back
​
16bit Trader
​
Midnight Mysteries
​
Midnight Mysteries 4: Haunted Houdini
​
Zombie Bowl-o-Rama
​
Little Farm
​
Silver Knight
​
ANKI
​
Lift It
​
3 Coins At School
​
Deep Eclipse: New Space Odyssey
​
Green Ranch
​
The lost joystick
​
UBERMOSH Vol. 5
​
Trip to Vinelands
​
TTV2
​
SWARMRIDER OMEGA
​
UBERMOSH
​
UBERMOSH:BLACK
​
UBERMOSH Vol.3
​
Iesabel
​
Daemonsgate
​
Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
​
Spiritual Warfare & Wisdom Tree Collection
​
Prophecy I - The Viking Child
​
Drakkhen
​
Hostage: Rescue Mission
​
King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
​
Eternam
​
Chaos Control
​
Bubble Ghost
​
Mystical
​
Alien Rampage
​
Frederic: Resurrection of Music
​
Teddy Floppy Ear - Mountain Adventure
​
Teddy Floppy Ear - Kayaking
​
Millie
​
Sparkle 2 Evo
​
Story of the Survivor
​
SharpShooter3D
​
Goodbye My King
​
Watch This!
​
Crazy Oafish Ultra Blocks: Big Sale
​
Crystal City
​
Bloody Boobs
​
AuroraRL
​
Dispatcher
​
Casino Noir
​
Detective Noir
​
Reptilians Must Die!
​
The Braves & Bows
​
Zzzz-Zzzz-Zzzz
​
The Dweller
​
Surfingers
​
Timberman
​
Sparkle 3 Genesis
​
Cat on a Diet
​
Zombillie
​
Asteroid Bounty Hunter
​
ShipLord
​
Neon Prism
​
Slash It
​
Slash It 2
​
Cube Runner
​
Upside Down
​
Spin Rush
​
Neon Space
​
Neon Space 2
​
Duke of Alpha Centauri
​
Hungry Flame
​
Survive in Space
​
Fly and Destroy
​
Charlie's Adventure
​
Luxor Evolved
​
Luxor: Amun Rising HD
​
LUXOR: Mah Jong
​
Luxor: Quest for the Afterlife
​
Samantha Swift and the Hidden Roses of Athena
​
Red Risk
​
Particula
​
Overcast - Walden and the Werewolf
​
OutDrive
​
Invasion
​
Cubium Dreams
​
Iron Impact
​
Stigmat
​
Marco Polo
​
Cybercube
​
Mr. Dubstep
​
Monstrum
​
Wick
​
Lethe - Episode One
​
35MM
​
I Shall Remain
​
Silence of the Sleep
​
Rebel Galaxy
​
Punch Club - Deluxe Edition
​
Grey Goo Definitive Edition
​
RiME
​
Gloom
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SharpShooter3D
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Goodbye My King
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Crystal City
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Art of Murder - Cards of Destiny
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Art of Murder - Deadly Secrets
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Art of Murder - FBI Confidential
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Art of Murder - Hunt for the Puppeteer
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Art of Murder - The Secret Files
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Chronicles of Mystery - Secret of the Lost Kingdom
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Chronicles of Mystery - The Legend of the Sacred Treasure
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Chronicles of Mystery - The Tree of Life
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Chronicles of Mystery: The Scorpio Ritual
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Megadimension Neptunia VII
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Megadimension Neptunia VII Digital Deluxe Set DLC
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Galactic Lords
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W4RR-i/o-RS
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Nogibator: Way Of Legs
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WN - ShP
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Fairy Lands: Rinka and the Fairy Gems
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Drill Arena
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Walhall
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Er-Spectro
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Daemonsgate
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Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
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Spiritual Warfare & Wisdom Tree Collection
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Prophecy I - The Viking Child
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Drakkhen
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Marco Polo
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Hostage: Rescue Mission
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King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
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Eternam
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Chaos Control
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Bubble Ghost
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Mystical
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Alien Rampage
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Ocean Classics Volume 1
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200% Mixed Juice
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War of the Human Tanks
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Worms
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Worms Reloaded: Game of the Year Edition
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Worms Ultimate Mayhem - Deluxe Edition
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Worms Crazy Golf
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Worms Blast
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Worms Pinball
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The Mooseman
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Sky Break
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Tropico 5
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Super Cloudbuilt
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Tower 57
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Dex
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Epistory - Typing Chronicles
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Deponia: The Complete Journey
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Table Top Racing: World Tour
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Riff Racer - Race Your Music!
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GT Legends
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GTR Evolution
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Vangers
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Insane 2
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Zero Gear
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Race.a.bit
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Mashed
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Race: The WTCC Game + Caterham Expansion
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Little Racers STREET
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BARRIER X
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Super Toy Cars
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Mini Motor Racing EVO
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Drift Streets Japan
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Instant Death
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Spirits of Xanadu
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Swipe Fruit Smash
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Voxel Baller
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Breezeblox
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BalanCity
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VRog
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BoomTown! Deluxe
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City Siege: Faction Island
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Bomb The Monsters!
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Crazy Belts
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Rush for Glory
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Naval Warfare
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Insurgency
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Blood Knights
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Heroes of Annihilated Empires
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Wizardry 6 & 7
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Drakensang
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Rune Classic
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Gemcraft - Chasing Shadows
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Knights and Merchants
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Etherlords I & II
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Sudeki
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Numen: Contest of Heroes
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Inquisitor
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Commands & Colors: The Great War
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Making History: The Calm and the Storm Gold Edition
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Attrition: Tactical Fronts
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Imperial Glory
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Praetorians
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Commandos: Behind Enemy Lines
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Commandos: Beyond the Call of Duty
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Commandos 2: Men of Courage
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Commandos 3: Destination Berlin
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Ominous Tales: The Forsaken Isle
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Beyond the Invisible: Evening
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Tearstone
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Entwined: Strings of Deception
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Vengeance: Lost Love
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The Rosebud Condominium
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Where Angels Cry: Tears of the Fallen (Collector's Edition)
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Lightning: D-Day
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Congo Merc
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Hold the Line: The American Revolution
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Battles of the Ancient World
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Peninsular War Battles
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1812: The Invasion of Canada
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Russian Front
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7 Wonders II
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7 Wonders of the Ancient World
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7 Wonders: Ancient Alien Makeover
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7 Wonders: Magical Mystery Tour
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7 Wonders: Treasures of Seven
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Discovery! A Seek and Find Adventure
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Gardens Inc. 2: The Road to Fame
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Glowfish
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Little Farm
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Luxor 2 HD
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Luxor 3
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Luxor HD
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Luxor: 5th Passage
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Luxor: Amun Rising HD
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LUXOR: Mah Jong
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Luxor: Quest for the Afterlife
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Midnight Mysteries
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Midnight Mysteries 3: Devil on the Mississippi
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Midnight Mysteries 4: Haunted Houdini
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Midnight Mysteries: Salem Witch Trials
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Midnight Mysteries: Witches of Abraham - Collector's Edition
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Pickers
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Samantha Swift and the Hidden Roses of Athena
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The Dweller
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Iesabel
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EM: Shader Attack
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Invasion
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Labyronia RPG
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Labyronia RPG 2
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Legend of Mysteria RPG
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Chosen 2
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Balloon Blowout
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Bayla Bunny
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Block Blowout
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Chess Knight 2
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Dessert Storm
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Fantastic 4 In A Row 2
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Fantastic Checkers 2
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Ludo Supremo
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Mahjong Deluxe 2: Astral Planes
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Mahsung Deluxe
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Mini Golf Mundo
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Pepe Porcupine
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Puppy Dog: Jigsaw Puzzles
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Puzzles Under The Hill
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Ultimate Word Search 2: Letter Boxed
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Bubble Blowout
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Train Valley
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Broken Sword Trilogy
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Daemonsgate
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Chamber of the Sci-Mutant Priestess
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Prophecy I - The Viking Child
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Drakkhen
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Marco Polo
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Hostage: Rescue Mission
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King's Table - The Legend of Ragnarok
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Bubble Ghost
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Mystical
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Ocean Classics Volume 1
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Pandora: First Contact
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35MM
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Grand Ages: Rome GOLD
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GT Legends
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Nether: Resurrected
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CAT Interstellar
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Circut Breakers
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Memoranda
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Sins of the Demon RPG
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Gladiator Trainer
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Dragon Sinker
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Neon Chrome
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Skullgirls
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Mad Games Tycoon
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Replica
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Patrician IV - Steam Special Edition
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Patrician IV: Rise of a Dynasty
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Patrician III
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The Swindle
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Zenith
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Hive Jump
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ICY: Frostbite Edition
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Commandos Collection
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Revhead
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Car Mechanic Simulator 2015
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Demolish & Build 2017
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Robot Squad Simulator 2017
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Skullgirls & DLC
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The Mims Beginning
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Dreamstones
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Cally's Caves 4
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Tank Battle: East Front
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Tank Battle: Pacific
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Tank Battle: Normandy
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Civil War: 1861
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Civil War: Bull Run 1861
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SK8
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King of the Eggs
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Bouncy Bob
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Hotel Dracula
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Warfront Defenders: Westerplatte
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Pony Island
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Who's Your Daddy
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SWARMRIDER OMEGA
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SWARMRIDER OMEGA OST DLC
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SWARMRIDERS: Original Soundtrack DLC
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DinoSystem
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Super Sports Surgery
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Middle-earth: Shadow of Mordor Game of the Year Edition
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Startide
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Timberman
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Kathy Rain
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Table Top Racing: World Tour
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Z
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Dark Years
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Exowar
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Total Extreme Wrestling
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World of Mixed Martial Arts 3
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IGT Slots Paradise Garden
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Anti-Opoly
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Wrestling Spirit 3
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Draft Day Sports College Basketball 3
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Draft Day Sports Pro Basketball 4
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Defend Your Life
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Hyperdrive Massacre
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The lost joystick
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Orbital Racer
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RUNRUNRUN
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Murder...
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UBERMOSH:BLACK
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Trip to Vinelands
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SWARMRIDER OMEGA
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Bad Dream: Coma
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Mad Games Tycoon
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Perfect Universe
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Daddy's Gone A-Hunting
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Deep Dungeons of Doom
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Worms
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PolyRace
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The Way
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Indiegala -
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Persian Nights: Sands of Wonders
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The Secret Order 6: Bloodline
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Demon Hunter 4: Riddles of Light
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Lost Grimoires 2: Shard of Mystery
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Animal Lover
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Magi Trials Deluxe Edition
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Highschool Possession
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Topless Hentai Mosaic
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Hentai Hexa Mosaic
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Borderus
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The Myth Seekers: The Legacy of Vulcan
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Eventide 2: The Sorcerers Mirror
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Nightmares from the Deep 3: Davy Jones
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Beach Bounce
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Beach Bounce - Soundtrack
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Beauty Bounce
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Bunny Bounce
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Club Life
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Club Life - Soundtrack
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Divine Slice of Life
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Divine Slice of Life - Soundtrack
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Echo Tokyo - Wallpapers
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Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
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Echo Tokyo: Intro
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Highschool Possession
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Highschool Romance
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Magi Trials Deluxe Edition
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Summer Fling
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Summer Fling OST
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Sword of Asumi Deluxe Edition
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Knock-knock
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Systematic Immunity
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OddPlanet
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The Quest for Achievements Remix
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Moot District
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Ceville
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Mutiny!
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Magic Trials Deluxe Edition
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Hentai Zodiac Puzzle
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PUZZLETIME: Lovely Girls
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Girls of Hentai Mosaic
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Girls of Hentai Mosaic - HQ Artbook & Wallpapers
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Hentai Hexa Mosaic - Soundtrack
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Lady's Hentai Mosaic
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Lady's Hentai Mosaic - PNG Artbook
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Pixel Hentai Mosaic
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Pixel Hentai Mosaic - OST
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Echo Tokyo: An Intro
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Echo Tokyo - Wallpapers
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Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
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Last Anime boy: Saving loli
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Witch College
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Pleasure Airlines
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Senpai Teaches Me Japanese: Part 1
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Chibi Volleyball
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My personal Angel
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Riddled Corpses
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Nandeyanen!?
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AstroViking
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?????2 / Seven boys 2
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TimeTekker
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Girls of Hentai Mosaic
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Topless Hentai Mosaic
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Hentai Hexa mosaic
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Lady's Hentai Mosaic
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Pixel Hentai Mosaic
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Book Series - Alice in Wonderland
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On Earth As It Is In Heaven - A Kinetic Novel
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BAD END
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Frank & the TimeTwister Machine
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Linelight
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Hook
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Franchise Wars
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Rush Bros
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Grim Legends: The Forsaken Bride
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Abyss: The Wraiths of Eden
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Without Within 2
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Cursed Sight
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Beauty Bounce
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Highschool Romance
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Beach Bounce
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Club Life
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Echo Tokyo: Intro
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Echo Tokyo: Graphic Novel
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This Strange Realm Of Mine
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Bot Vice
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Eliosi's Hunt
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Aspect
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Grim Legends 2: Song of the Dark Swan
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Crime Secrets: Crimson Lily
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Grim Legends 3: The Dark City
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Particle Mace
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Secret of Magia
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Sins of the Demon RPG
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Splatter - Zombie Apocalypse
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Airscape - The Fall of Gravity
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Fate Tectonics
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Battle Ranch: Pigs vs Plants
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Earth Overclocked
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Greyfox RPG
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Wish -tale of the sixteenth night of lunar month-
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Cursed Sight
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A Winter's Daydream
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Empty Horizons
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Poker Pretty Girls Battle: Texas Hold'em
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Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
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Pretty Girls Panic!
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Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle
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Boneless Zombie
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Delicious! Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire
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Koi-Koi Japan [Hanafuda playing cards]
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Mahjong Pretty Girls Battle: Schools Girls Edition
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Wild Romance
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Pretty Girls Panic! (Chinese version only)
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Pretty Girls Mahjong Solitaire (Chinese version only)
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Slash or Die
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Slash or Die 2
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RepairBot
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Stellar Interface
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Trench Run
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12 Labours of Hercules VII: Fleecing the Fleece (Platinum Edition)
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A Dream For Aaron
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A Duel Hand Disaster: Trackher
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ARENA GODS
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Adelantado Trilogy. Book Two
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Adelantado Trilogy. Book one
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Adventures of Dragon
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Aircraft Evolution
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Alice in Wonderland - Hidden Objects
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Alicia Quatermain 2: The Stone of Fate
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Alicia Quatermain: Secrets Of The Lost Treasures
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Amelon
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BAD END
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BELPAESE: Homecoming
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Battle High 2 A+
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Beat The Game
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Bitcoin Miner
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Blind Men
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BlowOut
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Border of her Heart
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Bottom of the 9th
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Bravium
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Brawlout
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Broken Minds
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Burnin' Rubber 5 HD
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Chinese Ink Painting Puzzle & Creator
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ClickBit
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Coffee Crawl
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Crashday Redline Edition
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Crazy Pirate
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Crisis in the Kremlin
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Crystal Catacombs
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Crystals of Niberium
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Cube Zone
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Cubiques
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Cubiques 2
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Curse: The Eye of Isis
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Digital Resistance
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Disparity
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Drake of the 99 Dragons
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E-Startup
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Elbub
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FreeHolder
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Gladiator: Sword of Vengeance
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Goldmine
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Gothicc Breaker
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Hentai Puzzle
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Hentai Sokoban
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Hide The Body
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I.F.O
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Inexplicable Geeks: Dawn of Just Us
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Insert Paper: Update
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Joy Climb
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Judge Dredd 95
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Krampus Quest
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Krautscape
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LOOT BOX ACHIEVEMENT SIMULATOR
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Legend of the Skyfish
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Lunch Truck Tycoon
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MIND SHIFT
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Maze of Infection
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Mines of Mars
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Mini Ghost
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Mission: Escape from Island 2
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Moto Racer 4
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Moto Racer 4 - Space Dasher
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Moto Racer 4 - The Truth
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Navalny 20!8 : The Rise of Evil
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Negligee
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Neverliria
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Next Hero
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ORCS
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PLATI NALOG: Favorite Russian Game
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Panzer Hearts - War Visual Novel
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Paper Shakespeare: To Date Or Not To Date?
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Paradox Wrench
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Penny Arcade's On the Rain-Slick Precipice of Darkness 3
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Pixel Hentai Mosaic
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Pixelpunk XL
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Plant This
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Q-YO Blaster
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Questr
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Ravensword: Shadowlands
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River City Super Sports Challenge All Stars Special
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Rot Gut
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STATUS: INSANE
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SUPER BENBO QUEST: TURBO DELUXE
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Science Girls
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Shadowgrounds
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Shield Impact
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Shout Of Survival
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Spooky Cats
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Store Simulator
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Suna
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SwordBounce
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The Adventures of Elena Temple
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The Bluecoats: North vs South
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The God
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The Last Dawn : The first invasion
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The Lost Gardens
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The Reject Demon: Toko Chapter 0 - Prelude
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The Uncertain: Episode 1 - The Last Quiet Day
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They Are Hundreds
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Toy Odyssey: The Lost and Found
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Usual John
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Visceral Cubes
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WeakWood Throne
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Welcome to Princeland
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Wings of Vi
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World's Dawn
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Zombie Desperation
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the Line

SALT LAKE CITY

• ‘Real Housewife’ Heather Gay is brash, bold and surprisingly vulnerable (Salt Lake Tribune)

"From the moment “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City” premiered, Heather Gay has been brash, bold, funny and outspoken. It’s easy to see why producers cast her — she’s very entertaining.
Chatting on the phone, Gay is all that. But she’s also unexpectedly vulnerable. It’s clear she’s still dealing with her 2015 divorce, which she said shattered her life and her self-image.
“I know that I’m unfiltered,” she told The Salt Lake Tribune. “I know that I speak from my heart. And I know that I do things that I regret and cringe after I hear myself say them. So I’m terrified of what I’ve done to ruin my own life, but I’m also excited to see how this plays out.
“All I want to do is be liked! This is probably the wrong arena for that, right?” she added with a laugh.
Gay said she’s a longtime “Real Housewives” fan, and didn’t hesitate when she was asked to be on the show — although the invitation was unexpected.
“Just having a producer call to ask me who I thought was interesting in Salt Lake City was more fun than I’d had in a long time,” she said. “I thought I just kind of was the girl that knew a lot of fascinating women.”
And she was “thrilled” to be asked. “I love the franchise. I love television. I love new experiences. I love having something other than just the doldrums of my sad, depressing life,” she said with another laugh.
Heather has described herself as “Mormon-ish” and a “good Mormon gone bad.” And she told The Tribune that one of the reasons she agreed to be part of “RHOSLC” was so that her exit from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints would be public.
“When it came down to it,” she said, “I thought if I’m going to leave the Mormon Church, this is the way to do it. I was kind of sick of living in the shadows. I don’t want to say double life, but I was transitioning out of the faith very slowly — like a slow bleed.”
She remains ambivalent, however, about her church membership.
“My only fear was — if I go big, I’m going to get a letter from church authorities saying, ‘We have forcibly removed you from our records,’” she said. “I’m not going to lie — I thought about it a lot and worried about it. But I’m here. My mailing address hasn’t changed either. If they want to send me the letter, I’m open to that consequence happening.”
In the first episode of “RHOSLC,” Heather told viewers her ex-husband’s grandfather had been hired as billionaire Howard Hughes’ “driver and henchman,” and that the Gay family “inherited a huge portion” of the Hughes estate after he died in 1976 — which was partially true.
Frank William Gay was a student at UCLA when he was hired to be Hughes’ driver and gofer; he eventually rose to become a top executive at Hughes Tool Company, Hughes Air Corporation and the Summa Corporation, which controlled Hughes’ Las Vegas hotels and casinos.
But Hughes later wrote that he no longer trusted F.W. Gay. And, according to F.W. Gay’s 2007 obituary, his money came from “running Hughes’ many business ventures, not from the Hughes estate.”
But there’s no disputing that Heather married into a very wealthy family.
Heather hasn’t talked much about her ex-husband — other than referring to him as “Bill” in Episode 3 — and making comments like, “He’s been supportive” of her being on the show “in his way.” But she also said on “Watch What Happens Live” that “this isn’t how he wants the mother of his children to conduct herself.”
Heather readily admits her marriage was no great love story, but said the end of the union devastated her. Raised as a member of the LDS Church, she wanted to get married, raise a family and “grow old” with the father of her children.
But “not with the man I married,” she said. “Let’s just be clear. I didn’t want to grow old with him. I knew that, like, day three [of the marriage].”
She was, nonetheless, a “dutiful housewife for 11 years,” she said, and she “suppressed every personal instinct in order to be a good wife and a good mother, but it didn’t work out.”
(The divorce was finalized in 2015.)
“I took that role so seriously, which is probably why it was so totally devastating when I got divorced,” Heather said. She was left feeling like she’d failed not just as wife and mother, but as a member of her church.
Heather has custody of her three daughters — Ashley, 17; Georgia, 14; and Annabelle, 13 — who are “very cool, reasonable, balanced, wonderful human beings. And they have been caretakers of me, in a lot of ways. When I got divorced, I really checked out of things. … And I feel bad about that.”
She doesn’t regret her decision to be on “Real Housewives,” even though her daughters’ teachers and counselors have told her “that a lot of parents have come up to them [and] are really concerned that I have done this to them. Like, ‘How could she do this?’
“And all I can say is — I don’t know. Maybe it was a huge mistake. Time will tell, right? I’m doing the best I can. And if I took the wrong road, then we’ll deal with it.”
Heather has made a success out of her business, Beauty Lab + Laser, although she’s also ambivalent about that.
“I can barely say that. It feels like I betrayed everything I was brought up to be by saying, ‘I’m a businesswoman,’” she said.
And Heather is anxious to see how she’s edited in upcoming episodes.
“I know this sounds so cliche, but the truth is, you really do forget that the cameras are there,” Heather said. “I’d watch other ‘Housewives,’ and I’d be, like, ‘Sonja, put your clothes on!’ But when it’s you …
“I would think, ‘Oh, my gosh! Was I on camera and miked when I screamed at her or said that to my kids?
“I never had that out-of-body experience, like, ‘I am a Housewife.’ I always felt like, ‘I am Heather Gay, and I’m pretty messed up.’”
We’ve seen Heather in conflict with Lisa Barlow in the first three episodes, and that will continue.
“It’s been hard to be dismissed. It’s been hard to have people that loved being my friends distance themselves,” Heather said. “It’s been hard to feel the strain on our friendships.
“Doesn’t everybody just want to be friends? I’m the kind of girl that wants to get along with everyone all the time. I have really strong opinions, but I would rather be your friend than be right any day of the week. I’d rather be your friend than win.”

• Another preview of SLC episode 4 (Queens of Bravo Twitter)

ATLANTA

• ‘RHOA’s Porsha Williams Says She’s ‘Blessed’ To Have A Platform On BLM Movement 3 Months After Arrest (HollywoodLife exclusive)

"Fans of The Real Housewives Of Atlanta are used to seeing star Porsha Williams, 39, having fun and shady moments on camera. But she shows a different side of her in the season 13 premiere as she gets arrested for her participation in the Black Lives Matter movement — a topic she’s deeply passionate about. “First of all, I’m just blessed to be able to have a platform,” Porsha exclusively told HollywoodLife during an interview from Atlanta on Nov. 24. “To be able to use my voice for the voiceless and being able to use where I am in life right now to gain attention for these families who aren’t seeing any justice. For me, being arrested and being on the front lines, it was just second hand nature.”
Porsha is no stranger to fighting for social injustice. The granddaughter of civil rights activist Reverend Hosea Williams, Porsha attended her first protest at the age of 5. After the police involved murders of George Floyd and Breonna Taylor, Porsha has been one of thousands to take to the streets and participate loudly in the BLM Movement.
The Dish Nation host has been so vocal that she’s been arrested not once, but twice, fighting for these families. The first arrest happened back in July 2020 in Louisville, Kentucky during a protest for Breonna and subsequently released on her own recognizance. The second arrest also occurred in Louisville at a Breonna Taylor protest, but this time, Porsha was charged with obstructing a highway and disorderly conduct in the second degree. She was also tear gassed at a rally for George in June 2020.
Although she has a young daughter, Pilar Jhena, 2, to think about, she’s actually the reason for continuing to fight on. “For me, being arrested and being on the front lines, it was just second hand nature,” Porsha said. “It was an act of love for the people and we all should be treated equally and I have a little black daughter and I want her future to be better, so it’s just something in me that I have to get active and the main thing that I can call on is my grandfather, the Reverend Hosea Williams, was a Civil Rights Activist, and I learned a lot from him and seeing him in his role and sacrifice and it’s just in me to get into good trouble and it’s just something that my heart led me to do.”
We can expect to hear Porsha open up about this and more alongside her sister Lauren and mom Diane on their new podcast Porsha 4 Real. “The podcast is family based,” Porsha revealed. “Of course it’s scary! But on the same hand, it’s not off limits because that’s what we’re there for. We’re there to be transparent. I’m there to use my life as a testimony. I’m pretty much an open book! Like, I really enjoy the fact that my listeners and my viewers over the years have been on this journey with me and they’ve gotten to know me, so it’s actually therapeutic for me to open up and uncover even more for them to be able to relate to me more and hopefully learn from my mistakes, that way they don’t have to go through it.”
ORANGE COUNTY

• ‘RHOC’ Gina Kirschenheiter Clarifies She Wasn’t In “Physically Abusive Marriage” But Admits Ex Matt Was “Mentally Abusive,” Explains Why Her Marriage Didn’t Work Out And Her Thoughts On His New Girlfriend Brit (Access Hollywood/Reality Blurb)

“[Matt] was mentally abusive,” Gina began to Access Hollywood on November 26.
“After the affair, everything was crisis mode. [We were] and trying to get over it and not getting over it, [having] explosive fights. But I was not in a physically abusive marriage. I wasn’t,” she continued. “The incident that happened that night was the first time anything like that had ever happened.”
As RHOC fans will recall, Gina was allegedly attacked by Matt in June 2019 after a night out with friends, choking her and hitting her and telling her he was going to kill her. Looking back, Gina said that she was not only afraid of her ex, but also afraid of how their fight would be received once the public found out.
“I was so terrified of him being angry because he was out of his mind and I was terrified it was going to get out. I was begging these police officers to let him go,” she admitted.
Luckily, police didn’t do as she requested and now, over a year later, she knows it was for the best.
“I think this pattern of behavior would have continued on and I think it would have gotten worse because typically that’s what happens,” she explained.
Looking back at the start of her marriage to Matt, with whom she shares three children, Gina said that the two of them started off “fine.” However, just one year before Gina landed her role on the RHOC, she learned that Matt was having an affair.
“We were trying to rebuild and work on it. So I never shared that because in my head the first season, I got myself to a place where that happened and I felt like we weren’t right for each other from the beginning. And even now, I do still believe that. That whole year, I didn’t tell my parents. I told nobody. That [wasn’t] something I was [going to] share. I always tried to protect my kids.”
Eventually, after hiding her marriage struggles from RHOC viewers, Gina decided to come clean about what she was going through so that her drama with Matt didn’t “eat [her] alive.”
Although Gina’s split from Matt was quite messy, the two of them are now on much better terms and earlier this season, Matt and his girlfriend, Brit, who is not the same woman he cheated on her with, made an appearance on the show.
“His girlfriend now, Brit is great. She’s great for him [and] she’s really great to my children,” Gina admitted.
“We had a conversation about it. I felt like it is a good message to show people,” she explained. “[Matt] has changed himself for the better. [And] I think it is important to show people that you can co-parent, as long as you have two mature adults. I know Matt is probably one of the most hated guys in America but he’s not a monster. He’s a good dad.”

• Braunwyn Windham-Burke Celebrated Her 43rd Birthday with a Meaningful New Tattoo (Braunwyn Windham-Burke Instagram/Bravo)

"Braunwyn Windham-Burke’s 43rd birthday was an unforgettable one. After waking up to the sweetest surprise balloons and decorations from her kids, The Real Housewives of Orange County cast member closed out her special day by getting a meaningful new tattoo.
Braunwyn commemorated the occasion with some new ink, as she captured on Instagram on November 25. In the photo, the mom of seven can be seen wearing a face mask and holding out her right arm as the tattoo artist worked on the design.
“Perfect way to end the day and start the next year!!” Braunwyn wrote in part of the caption, also tagging the tattoo parlor, Gold Rush Tattoo.
Braunwyn later took to her Instagram Stories to share a close-up of her completed new tattoo, which includes the word “Selah” spelled out in Hebrew flanked by two doves. “It’s Selah, I first heard of it when I read Untamed by [Glennon Doyle], with the 2 little doves for the babies we lost,” she explained in the caption.
According to Doyle, “Selah” is often found at the end of the verses in the Hebrew bible and has been interpreted to mean “holy pause,” encouraging people to stop, be still, and reflect on the importance of the idea they just read."

• Tamra Judge Shares a Glimpse Inside Her Newly Redecorated Home Office (Tamra Judge Instagram/Bravo)

REAL HOUSEWIVES OF JERSEY (UK)

• Season 1 cast photo (realhousewivesfranchise Instagram)

Welcome to Lost in the Sauce, keeping you caught up on political and legal news that often gets buried in distractions and theater… or a global health crisis.
Figuring out how to divide the COVID-19 content from the “regular” news has been difficult because the pandemic is influencing all aspects of life. Some of the stories below involve the virus, but I chose to include them when it fits into one of the pre-established categories (like congress or immigration). The coronavirus-central post will be made again this Thursday-Friday; the sign up form now has an option to choose to receive an email when the coronavirus-focused roundup is posted.
House-keeping:

1. How to support: If you enjoy my work, please consider becoming a patron. I do this to keep track and will never hide behind a paywall, but these projects take a lot of time and effort to create. Even a couple of dollars a month helps. Since someone asked a few weeks ago (thank you!), here's a PayPal option and Venmo.
   
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Let’s dig in!

MAIN COURSE

Congress passes stimulus

Last week started out with a Republican-crafted stimulus bill that was twice-blocked by Senate Democrats, who objected to the lax conditions of aid to corporations, too little funding for hospitals, and a $500 billion “slush fund” for big companies to be doled out by Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin with no oversight.
Conservative-Democrat Joe Manchin (WV) even criticized the GOP bill:

“It fails our first responders, nurses, private physicians and all healthcare professionals. ... It fails our workers. It fails our small businesses… Instead, it is focused on providing billions of dollars to Wall Street and misses the mark on helping the West Virginians that have lost their jobs through no fault of their own.”

Through negotiations, Democrats shifted the bill in a more-worker friendly direction. The version that passed includes the following Democrat-added provisions: expanded unemployment benefits, $100 billion for hospitals, $150 billion for state and local governments, direct payments to Americans without a phase-in (ensuring low-income workers get the full amount), a ban on Trump and his children from receiving aid, and oversight on the “slush fund” (see next section for more info). Senate Democrats also managed to remove a provision that would have excluded nonprofits that receive Medicaid funding from the small-business grants.

• Further reading: After Senate Democrats blocked the Republican-crafted bill, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi led the House Democrats in releasing their own version, a best-case scenario of their dream coronavirus stimulus bill. It is interesting to contrast what the Democrats prioritized to what the Republicans focused on: “How the House Democrats' stimulus plan compares to the Senate's”

Echoing sentiments expressed during debate on the previous coronavirus bill (the second, for those keeping track), Republican senators derided the $600 a week increase in unemployment payments as “incentivizing” workers to quit their jobs. Sens. Ben Sasse (Neb.), Rick Scott (Fla.), Tim Scott (S.C.) and Lindsey Graham (S.C.) delayed passage of the bill in order to force a vote on an amendment removing the extra unemployment funding. "This bill pays you more not to work than if you were working," Graham said. Fortunately for American workers, the amendment failed and the improved bill passed the Senate and the House.

• Note: In 2009 only three Republicans helped Obama pass his stimulus bill in his first month in office.

The giveaways in the bill

While Senate Democrats were able to add worker-friendly provisions, the bill still required bipartisan support to pass the chamber and some corporate giveaways remained in the final version.

• NYT: “Senate Republicans inserted an easy-to-overlook provision on page 203 of the 880-page bill that would permit wealthy investors to use losses generated by real estate to minimize their taxes on profits from things like investments in the stock market. The estimated cost of the change over 10 years is $170 billion.”
  
• NYT: “...if a company owns multiple hotels, even if the overall hotel or restaurant chain has more than 500 employees — the limit to qualify for treatment as a small business — it will still be able to take advantage of the small-business benefits offered in the rescue package. ...The provision could benefit the Trump Organization, which operates a relatively small chain, with six hotels in the United States in cities including New York, Washington and Chicago.”
  

Politico:

• “A provision for the FDA to approve ‘innovative’ sunscreens—which would benefit L’Oreal, which has operations in Kentucky—appeared in the bill, which was steered in the Senate by Majority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky.”
  
• “The $25 billion allocated in loans and loan guarantees for the airlines will also benefit eligible businesses "approved to perform inspection, repair, replace, or overhaul services, and ticket agents.” The last two words — ‘ticket agents’ — mean that travel agents who book flights will also be able to apply for a piece of the $25 billion.”
  
• “The credit reporting industry got a win by defeating a total ban on negative credit reports during the crisis. Instead, a watered down version made it into the final bill: Consumers wouldn't get a negative credit report if they have an agreement with a lender to delay payments or make partial payments.”
  

Trump’s signing statement

While signing the latest coronavirus relief bill, the president also issued a signing statement undercutting the congressional oversight provision creating an inspector general to track how the administration distributes the $500 billion “slush fund” money.
The newly-created inspector general is legally required to audit loans and investments made through the fund and report to Congress his/her findings, including any refusal by the executive office to cooperate. In his signing statement, Trump wrote that his understanding of constitutional powers allows him to gag the special IG:

"I do not understand, and my Administration will not treat, this provision as permitting the [inspector general] to issue reports to the Congress without the presidential supervision required" by Article II of the Constitution.

The signing statement further suggests that Trump does not have to comply with a provision requiring that agencies consult with Congress before it spends or reallocates certain funds: "These provisions are impermissible forms of congressional aggrandizement with respect to the execution of the laws," the statement reads.
While some have said that Congress fell short in this instance, one Democratic Senate aide told Politico that Congress built in multiple layers of oversight, including “a review of other inspectors general and a congressional review committee charged with overseeing Treasury and the Federal Reserve's efforts to implement the law.”
Legal experts have pointed out that a signing statement is “without legal effect.” But that ignores the fact that oversight is not equal to enforcement. The problem, in my opinion, isn’t that Congress won’t be notified of any abuses of power by Trump. The problem is that congressional Republicans and the judiciary have largely failed to hold him accountable and enforce our laws even after learning of his abuses.

Concerns about the IG

Another potential weakness in the oversight structure is the inspector general position itself. The special inspector general for pandemic recovery, known by the acronym S.I.G.P.R., is nominated by the president and confirmed by the Republican-controlled Senate. As we’ve seen from Trump’s previous nominees, particularly judicial, many unqualified individuals have been confirmed. The Democrats will not have the power to stop the president and Mitch McConnell from jamming through a loyalist to fill the SIGPR role.

Former inspector general at the Justice Department Michael Bromwich: “The signing statement threatens to undermine the authority and independence of this new IG. The Senate should extract a commitment from the nominee that Congress will be promptly notified of any Presidential/Administration interference or obstruction.”

You may recall that Trump has already proven that he’s willing to interfere with the legally-mandated work of an inspector general. When the Ukraine whistleblower filed a complaint last year, the IG of the Intelligence Community, Michael Atkinson, investigated and determined the complaint to be “urgent” and “credible.” Atkinson wrote a report and gave it to Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire to hand over to Congress. However, the White House and DOJ interfered and instructed Maguire not to transmit the report to the Senate and House Intelligence Committees. Chairman Adam Schiff had to subpoena Maguire to turn over the report and testify before his committee.
Further, there are already five IG vacancies in agencies that have a critical role in responding to the pandemic. The Treasury itself has not had a permanent, Senate-confirmed IG for over eight months now, and Trump hasn’t nominated a replacement. The Treasury Dept. has taken a lead role in the coronavirus response, with Secretary Mnuchin handling most of the negotiating with Congress on Trump’s behalf. The fact that the lead agency doesn’t have IG oversight should be troublesome in itself; replicating the situation with a special IG doesn’t seem to be a promising solution.

• The other four coronavirus-related agencies without a permanent IG: Department of Health and Human Services’ IG has been vacant for nine months, Department of Defense’s IG has been vacant for four years, Department of Education’s IG has been vacant for one year, and Office of Personnel Management’s IG has been vacant for four years. Overall, there are twelve IG vacancies in the 37) presidentially-appointed offices.

UPDATE: The nation's inspectors general have appointed Glenn Fine, the Pentagon's acting IG, to lead the committee of IGs overseeing the coronavirus relief effort.

This is one of several oversight mechanisms built into the new law. They include:
A committee of IGs (now led by Fine), a new special IG (to be nominated by Trump), a congressional review panel (to be appointed by House/Senate leaders)

Direct payments

Included in the stimulus bill is a $1200 one-time direct payment for all Americans who made less than $75,000 in 2019 (less than $150,000 if couples filed jointly). More details can be found here. I have read that the Treasury will use 2018 information for those who have not filed yet this year, but I am not 100% sure that’ll happen.
Mnuchin has said that Americans can expect to receive the money within three weeks, but many experts expect that timetable to be pushed into late April. Additionally, that only applies to Americans who included direct deposit information on their 2019 tax returns. Those who did not include their bank’s information will have to be sent a physical check in the mail… which could take anywhere from two to four months.
Other options are being discussed, including partnering the Treasury Dept. with MasterCard and Visa to deliver prepaid debit cards. Venmo and Paypal are reportedly lobbying the government to be considered as a disbursement option.
Future payments?
House Speaker Pelosi is already planning another wave of direct payments to Americans, saying that the $1,200 is not enough to mitigate the economic effects of the pandemic: “I don’t think we’ve seen the end of direct payments.” Republicans, meanwhile, are taking a ‘wait and see’ approach, using the next couple of weeks to measure the impact of the $2 trillion bill passed last week.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy: “What concerns me is when I listen to Nancy Pelosi talk about a fourth package now, it’s because she did not get out of things that she really wanted...I’m not sure you need a fourth package...Let’s let this work ... We have now given the resources to make and solve this problem. We don’t need to be crafting another bill right now.”
For the fourth legislative package, Democrats have said they would like to see increased food stamp benefits; increased coverage for coronavirus testing, visits to the doctor and treatment; more money for state and local governments, including Washington, D.C.; expanded family and medical leave; pension fixes; and stronger workplace protections.

Trump’s signature
Normally, a civil servant signs federal checks, like the direct payments Americans are set to receive. According to a Wall Street Journal report, Trump has told people that he wants his signature to appear on the stimulus checks.

THE SIDES

War on the poor continues

Amid the coronavirus crisis, Trump has defended his continued support of a Republican-led lawsuit to dismantle the Affordable Care Act, which would result in 20 million Americans losing health insurance if successful. The Supreme Court agreed to hear arguments in the case this fall. Contrasting with his position that the ACA is illegal, Trump is considering reopening enrollment on HealthCare.gov, allowing millions of uninsured individuals to get coverage before potentially incurring charges and fees related to COVID-19.
Joe Biden called on Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who is leading the charge against the ACA, and President Trump to drop the lawsuit:

“At a time of national emergency, which is laying bare the existing vulnerabilities in our public health infrastructure, it is unconscionable that you are continuing to pursue a lawsuit designed to strip millions of Americans of their health insurance and protections under the Affordable Care Act (ACA), including the ban on insurers denying coverage or raising premiums due to pre-existing conditions.”

The Trump administration is also pushing forward with its plan to kick 700,000 people off federal food stamp assistance, known as SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). The USDA announced two weeks ago that the department will appeal Judge Beryl Howell’s recent decision that the USDA’s work mandate rule is “arbitrary and capricious."
Additionally: The Social Security Administration has no plans to slow down a rule change set for June that will limit disability benefits, the Department of Health and Human Services still intends to reduce automatic enrollment in health coverage, and the Department of Housing and Urban Development will continue the process to enact a rule that would make it harder for renters to sue landlords for racial discrimination.

Lawmakers’ stock transactions

The Justice Department and Securities and Exchange Commission are beginning to investigate stock transactions made ahead of the economic crisis caused by the coronavirus pandemic. CNN reports that the inquiry has already reached out to Senator Richard Burr for information. “Under insider trading laws, prosecutors would need to prove the lawmakers traded based on material non-public information they received in violation of a duty to keep it confidential,” a task that won’t be easy.
Sen. Burr is facing another consequence of his trades: Alan Jacobson, a shareholder in Wyndham Hotels and Resorts, sued Burr for allegedly using private information to instruct a mass liquidation of his assets. Among the shares he sold were an up to $150,000 stake in Wyndham, whose stock suffered a market-value cut of more than two-thirds since mid-February.

Environmental rollbacks

Using the pandemic as cover, the Trump administration has begun to more aggressively roll back regulations meant to protect the environment. These are examples of what Naomi Klein dubbed “the shock doctrine”: the phenomenon wherein polluters and their government allies push through unpopular policy changes under the smokescreen of a public emergency.
On Thursday, the EPA announced (non-paywalled) an expansive relaxation of environmental laws and fines, exempting companies from consequences for pollution. Under the new rules, there are basically no rules. Companies are asked to “act responsibly” but are not required to report when their facilities discharge pollution into the air or water. Just five days before abandoning any pollution oversight, the oil industry’s largest trade group implored the administration for assistance, stating that social distancing measures caused a steep drop in demand for gasoline.

• Monday morning update: In an interview with Fox News this morning, Trump said he was going to call Putin after the interview to discuss the Saudi-Russia oil fight. A consequence of this "battle" has been plummeting prices in the U.S. making it difficult for domestic companies (like shale extraction) to turn a profit. It's striking that the day after Dr. Fauci told Americans we can expect 100,000 to 200,000 deaths from COVID-19 (if we keep social distancing measures in place), Trump's first action is to talk to Fox News and his second action is to intervene in an international tiff on behalf of the oil and gas industry.

Gina McCarthy, who led the E.P.A. under the Obama administration, called the rollback “an open license to pollute.” Cynthia Giles, who headed the EPA enforcement division during the Obama administration, said “it is so far beyond any reasonable response I am just stunned.”
The EPA is also moving forward with a widely-opposed rule to limit the types of scientific studies used when crafting new regulations or revising current ones. Hidden behind claims of increased transparency, the rule would require disclosure of all raw data used in scientific studies. This would disqualify many fields of research that rely on personal health information from individuals that must be kept confidential. For example, studies that show air pollution causes premature deaths or a certain pesticide is linked to birth defects would be rejected under the proposed rule change.
Officials and scientists are calling upon the EPA to extend the time for comment on the regulatory changes, arguing that the public is unable to express their opinion while dealing with the pandemic.

“These rollbacks need and deserve the input of our public health community, but right now, they are rightfully focused on responding to the coronavirus,” said Representative Frank Pallone of New Jersey, the chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee.

Other controversial decisions being made:

• A former EPA official who worked on controversial policies returned as Administrator Andrew Wheeler’s chief of staff. Mandy Gunasekara helped write regulations to ease pollution controls for coal-fired power plants and vehicle emissions in her previous role as chief of the EPA’s Office of Air and Radiation. In a recent interview, Gunasekara, who played a role in the decision to exit the Paris Climate Accord, pushed back on the more dire predictions of climate change, saying, “I don't think it is catastrophic.”
  
• NYT: The plastic bag industry, battered by a wave of bans nationwide, is using the coronavirus crisis to try to block laws prohibiting single-use plastic. “We simply don’t want millions of Americans bringing germ-filled reusable bags into retail establishments putting the public and workers at risk,” an industry campaign that goes by the name Bag the Ban warned on Tuesday. (Also see The Guardian)
  
• Kentucky, South Dakota, and West Virginia passed laws putting new criminal penalties on protests against fossil fuel infrastructure in just the past two weeks.
  
• The Hill: The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) said Friday that it will extend the amount of time that winter gasoline can be sold this year as producers have been facing lower demand due to the coronavirus. It will allow companies to sell the winter-grade gasoline through May 20, whereas companies would have previously been required to stop selling it by May 1 to protect air quality. “In responding to an international health crisis, the last thing the EPA should do is take steps that will worsen air quality and undermine the public’s health,” biofuels expert David DeGennaro said.
  
• NYT: At the Interior Department, employees at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service have been under strict orders to complete the rule eliminating some protections for migratory birds within 30 days, according to two people with direct knowledge of the orders. The 45-day comment period on that rule ended on March 19.
  
• WaPo: The Interior Department has received over 230 nominations for oil and gas leases covering more than 150,000 acres across southern Utah, a push that would bring drilling as close as a half-mile from some of the nation’s most famous protected sites, including Arches and Canyonlands National Parks… if all the fossil fuels buried in those sites was extracted and burned, it would translate into between 1 billion and 5.95 billion metric tons of carbon dioxide being released into the air. That upward measure is equal to half the annual carbon output of China
  

Court updates

Press freedom case
Southern District of New York District Judge Lorna Schofield ruled that a literary advocacy group’s lawsuit against Trump for allegedly violating the First Amendment can move forward. The group, PEN America, is pursuing claims that Trump “has used government power to retaliate against media coverage and reporters he dislikes.”
Schofield determined that PEN’s allegation that Trump made threats to chill free speech was valid, providing as an example the White House’s revocation of CNN correspondent Jim Acosta’s press press corps credentials:

”The threats are lent credence by the fact that Defendant has acted on them before, by revoking Mr. Acosta’s credentials and barring reporters from particular press conferences. The Press Secretary indeed e-mailed the entire press corps to inform them of new rules of conduct and to warn of further consequences, citing the incident involving Mr. Acosta… These facts plausibly allege that a motivation for defendant’s actions is controlling and punishing speech he dislikes.”

Twitter case
The president suffered another First Amendment defeat last week when the full 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals declined to review a previous ruling that prevents Trump from blocking users on the Twitter account he uses to communicate with the public. Judge Barrington D. Parker, a Nixon-appointee, wrote: “Excluding people from an otherwise public forum such as this by blocking those who express views critical of a public official is, we concluded, unconstitutional.”
Trump-appointees Michael Parker and Richard Sullivan authored a dissent, arguing the free speech “does not include a right to post on other people’s personal social media accounts, even if those other people happen to be public officials.” Park warned that the ruling will allow the social media pages of public officials to be “overrun with harassment, trolling, and hate speech, which officials will be powerless to filter.”
Florida’s felon voting
U.S. District Judge Robert Hinkle ripped into Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s administration for failing to come up with a process to determine which felons are genuinely unable to pay court-ordered fees and fines, which are otherwise required to be paid before having their voting rights restored.
“If the state is not going to fix it, I will,” Hinkle warned. He had given the state five months to come up with an administrative process for felons to prove they’re unable to pay financial obligations, but Florida officials did not do so. The case is set to be heard on April 28 (notwithstanding any coronavirus-related delays).

ICE, Jails, and COVID-19

ICE
One of the most overlooked populations with an increased risk of death from coronavirus are those in detention facilities, which keep people in close quarters with little sanitation or protective measures (including for staff).
Last week, U.S. District Judge Dolly Gee ordered the federal government to “make continuous efforts” to release migrant children from detention centers across the country. Numerous advocacy groups asked for the release after reports that four children being held in New York had tested positive for the virus:

“The threat of irreparable injury to their health and safety is palpable,” the plaintiffs’ lawyers said in their petition… both of the agencies operating migrant children detention facilities must by April 6 provide an accounting of their efforts to release those in custody… “Her order will undoubtedly speed up releases,” said Peter Schey, co-counsel for the plaintiffs in the court case.

On Tuesday, 13 immigrants held at ICE facilities in California filed a lawsuit demanding to be released because their health conditions make them particularly vulnerable to dying if infected by the coronavirus. An ACLU statement says the detainees are “confined in crowded and unsanitary conditions where social distancing is not possible.” The 13 individuals are all over the age of 50 and/or suffering from serious underlying medical issues like high blood pressure.

“From all the evidence we have seen, ICE is failing to fulfill its constitutional obligation to protect the health and safety of individuals in its custody. ICE should exercise its existing discretion to release people with serious medical conditions from detention for humanitarian reasons,” said William Freeman, senior counsel at the ACLU of Northern California.

Meanwhile, ICE is under fire for continuing to shuttle detainees across the country, with one even being forced to take nine different flights bouncing from Louisiana to Texas to New Jersey less than two weeks ago. That man is Dr. Sirous Asgari, a materials science and engineering professor from Iran, who was acquitted last year on federal charges of stealing trade secrets. The government lost its case against him, yet ICE has had him in indefinite detention since November.

Asgari, 59, told the Guardian that his Ice holding facility in Alexandria, Louisiana, had no basic cleaning practices in place and continued to bring in new detainees from across the country with no strategy to minimize the threat of Covid-19...Detainees have no hand sanitizer, and the facility is not regularly cleaning bathrooms or sleeping areas…Detainees lack access to masks… Detainees struggle to stay clean, and the facility has an awful stench.

Jails
State jails are making a better effort to release detained individuals, as both New York and New Jersey ordered a thousand people in each state be let out of jail. The order applied only to low-level offenders sentenced to less than a year in jail and those held on technical probation violations. In Los Angeles County, officials released over 1,700 people from its jails.
A judge in Alabama took similar steps last week, ordering roughly 500 people jailed for minor offenses to be released to lessen crowding in facilities. Unlike in New York and New Jersey, however, local officials reacted in an uproar, led in part by the state executive committee for the Alabama Republican Party and Assistant District Attorney C.J. Robinson. Using angry Facebook messages as the barometer of the community’s feelings, Robinson worked “frantically” to block inmates from being released.

• Reuters: As of Saturday, at least 132 inmates and 104 staff at jails across New York City had tested positive for COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus… Since March 22, jails have reported 226 inmates and 131 staff with confirmed cases of COVID-19, according to a Reuters survey of cities and counties that run America’s 20 largest jails. The numbers are almost certainly an undercount given the fast spread of the virus.

Tribe opposed by Trump loses land

On Wednesday, The Federal Bureau of Indian Affairs announced the Mashpee Wampanoag Tribe’s reservation would be "disestablished" and its land trust status removed. Tribal Chairman Cedric Cromwell called the move "cruel" and "unnecessary,” particularly coming in the midst of a pandemic crisis. Rep. Bill Keating (D-Mass.), who last year introduced legislation to protect the tribe's reservation as trust land in Massachusetts, said the order “is one of the most cruel and nonsensical acts I have seen since coming to Congress.”
The administration’s decision is especially suspicious as just last year Trump attacked the tribe’s plan to build a casino on its land, tweeting that allowing the construction would be “unfair” and treat Native Americans unequally. As a former casino owner, Trump has spent decades attacking Native American casinos as unfair competition. At a 1993 congressional hearing Trump said that tribal owners “don’t look like Indians to me” and claimed: “I might have more Indian blood than a lot of the so-called Indians that are trying to open up the reservations” to gambling.
More than his past history, however, Trump has current interests at play in the Mashpee Wampanoag’s planned casino: it would have competed for business with nearby Rhode Island casinos owned by Twin River Worldwide Holdings, whose president, George Papanier, was a finance executive at the Trump Plaza casino hotel in Atlantic City.

In the Mashpee case, Twin River, the operator of the two Rhode Island casinos, has hired Matthew Schlapp, chairman of the American Conservative Union and a vocal Trump supporter, to lobby for it on the land issue. Schlapp’s wife, Mercedes, is director of strategic communications at the White House.

Continuing
“Hey, Viv!”, I say, as we’re all being shuttled onto the bus which will take us to our hotel, “Toss me one of those miniatures, if you please. Yeah. Of course, Vodka’ll do. It’s bloody dusty round these parts.”
Viv chuckles and asks if anyone else wants anything. He’s a consummate scrounger and somehow sweet-talked a demure and pulchritudinous female Air China cabin attendant out of her phone number, Email address, and a case of 100 airline liquor miniatures.
That he looks like a marginally graying version of Robert Mitchum in his heyday and speaks fluent Dutch, French, and Italian might explain his success. I mean, a guy with four ex-wives can’t be all wrong, right?
He’s a definite outlier in this crowd. We could be characterized as a batch of aging natural geoscientists who collectively, sans Viv, add up to an approximate eight on the “Looker” scale. Besides the years, the mileage, the climatic, and industrial ravages, it’s a good thing we all have expansive personalities, as most of us are dreadful enough to make a buzzard barf.
But, save for Viv, no one presently here is on the make. Oh, sure; we’ll all sweet talk some fair nubile into a free drink or a double when we really ordered a regular drink, but we’re all married, most terminally, that is, over 35 years and counting. The odd thing is that save and except for Viv, none of us married folk had ever been divorced.
That is strange, considering that the global divorce rate hovers around 50%, and we are often called to be apart from kith and kin for prolonged periods. However, we are always faithful and committed to our marital units and those vows we spoke all those many long decades ago.
But, hey, we’re all seriously male and not anywhere near dead; and there’s no penalty for just looking, right?
Continuing.
We’re all loaded on a pre-war, not certain which war, by the way, bus which stank of fish, kimchee, and diesel fuel. We really don’t care even a tiny, iotic amount. It’s free transport, we’re tired of traveling, and not keen on walking any further than we absolutely have to.
Viv has been passing out boozy little liquor miniatures, and I’ve been handing out cigars since I bought a metric shitload back in Dubai Duty-Free and somehow got them all through customs.
We didn’t light up, as there was neither a driver nor handler present. So, we figured we’d all just wait on the cigars, and concentrate on having a little ground-level “Welcome to Best Korea” party until the powers that be got their collective shit together and provided drivers, herders, and handlers.
We sat there for 15 long minutes. Being the international ambassadors of amity and insobriety, we started making noises like “Hey! Where’s our fucking driver?” and “I am Doctor Academician! Of All State Russian Geological Survey! How dare you make me wait? ”
Suddenly, a couple of characters in ill-fitting gray suits and fake Rays Bans are outside the bus having a collective meltdown. Somehow, someone fucked up and put us on a ‘regular’ bus and not the ‘VIP’ bus. In other words, we got to see what the locals really got to ride around Pyongyang on instead of our supposed to be impressed by the bus that wasn’t there; but was now just arriving.
A spanking new purple-and-chrome Mercedes long-haul bus shows up. It even has our group name emblazoned above the placard that normally tells where the bus is headed or who it is for: “’국제 석유 지질 과학 연합’ [Gugje Seog-yu Jijil Gwahag Yeonhab] or ‘International Union of Petroleum Geological Sciences’”.
We are brusquely ordered off our present bus and into the opulent, obviously bespoke, bright yellow faux-leather interior Mercedes-Benz Tourismo RH M. It’s so new and so obviously a ploy to get us to think that all things here are so new and opulent, it even smells of that new car, ah, bus, aroma.
“Well, we’ll take care of that soon enough”, I muse, as the bus is equipped with ashtrays and we’re going on the scenic route to our hotel, which is only 25 or so kilometers from the airport. However, it was announced that it’ll take us about 2 hours to get to our hotel since we need to see the city in its best light and get a feeling for the town if we should ever find ourselves lost and alone.
We all know what’s going on. They’re getting our rooms ‘ready’ for our arrival and need some extra time to make sure everything’s all wired in and transmitting properly.
“Guys”, I muse to our new handlers, “I’ve been to the Soviet Union, pre-wall fall. I stayed in places where I was definitely among the first westerners ever to grace their porticos. We’re a busload of natural scientists, of eight different nationalities, covering the economic spectrum from staunch capitalism to sociable socialism to hard-core communism. You even think for a second we’re going to spill any beans about anything you’d find interesting or useful? Think again.”
In fact, it would become a running joke between us all to see what sort of fake bombshells we could drop into the normal conversation what would give the listener’s the greatest case of the jibblies.
But for now, our bags were all loaded into the cargo compartment of this very, very nice, I must admit, mode of conveyance. Our handlers: ‘Yuk’, ‘No’, ‘Man’, and ‘Kong’, are all seated upfront and please with their latest tally of bodies. We have a couple of shady fellow travelers with the knock-off Ray-Bans and shiny gray suits that just appeared out of the woodwork in the back, seated by the loo, watching over all of us, and we’re going on a fucking city tour, whether we like it or not.
We’re all present and accounted for. Let’s keep our camera in our bags for the time being as the drinking and smoking lights had just been lit as the bus fired up its new German-engineered and machined precision diesel engine.
The bus rumbled to life and after a moment or two of checking that all dials, gauges, and indicators were where they were supposed to be; without so much as a cursory glance, we pulled out into traffic.
Except there was none.
Not another bus, pushbike, tap-tap, scooter, car, truck, hover-board, or motorcycle in sight.
Nothing.
Seems we were a big deal. They shut down the main drag so we wouldn’t be encumbered by such proletariat things like traffic jams or people-things cluttering the roadway, clambering for a look at the Western scientific cadre.
So, away we whizzed, sans traffic and into the very belly of the beast, and onward; eventually, towards our hotel.
Our handlers were very kind to point out passing scenes of interest.
“Look, look! There’s the Potong River. Notice all the lovely birds, ‘eh what? See the Norwegian Blue? Beautiful plumage!”
“See here, look. Here’s the Taedong River. Many forms of fish in the river. Maybe we’ll see some fishermen. If you like, we can stop, and ask them about today’s catch.”
We all declined, as we were certain that the fish the ‘random fisherman’ we’d talk to was flown in fresh from elsewhere earlier in the day.
Besides, we were comfortable. We had our drinks, our cigars, and we were leaving the driving to someone else.
After being driven around the city and seeing all the wonderful monuments, like the faux Arch of Triumph, which looks exactly unlike its namesake Arc de Triomphe de l'Étoile in Paris.
The Arch of Reunification, a monument to the goal of a reunified Korea, which, by necessity, is unfinished. Then there’s the Tomb of King Tongmyŏng, where people are lining up, just dying’ to get in.
Finally, we all called for our hotel, the Yanggakdo, after yet another mausoleum, the Kumsusan Memorial Palace of the Sun.
Arches or tombs. Such a stunning array of monuments and places of less than moderate interest.
We were interested in Mirae Scientists street (Future Scientists street). It is a street in a newly developed area in Pyongyang to house scientific institutions of the Kim Chaek University of Technology and its employees. But we were told that it was too late, there was not much there to see, we needed to express written permission to visit, and we’d be going there tomorrow or next week.
We wheel into the parking lot of the Yanggakdo Hotel and are immediately unimpressed by the pseudo-Baroque concrete fiasco that appears to stand, wobbly, before us. It’s a page right out of the Soviet Construction-For-The-Masses Handbook. A cold, gray concrete edifice with multitudes of seemingly little, tiny windows. A perfect metaphor for our travels thus far; look at the expansiveness of Best Korean wonders, through this pinhole.
However, we judged too soon. We were told to go inside and check-in, whilst our luggage would be de-bussed for us and handled by the expertly efficient hotel staff. The lobby was opulent, tastefully laid out in earth tones of facades of veneers of marble, granite, some garnet-mica schist, if my hand lens doesn’t lie, some Prepaleozoic anatectic migmatite, displaying intricate and intense plication, xenoliths, and graphic delineation of minerals by segregation through melting points. There was a gigantic well-appointed and well kept up aquarium, complete with snuffling sharks and nuclear-submarine sized groupers.
Very handsome indeed. Impressions increasing slightly.
Then we see that there’s a bloody casino on the bottom floor of the hotel, several bars interspersed throughout the hotel, and karaoke, of which I’m not terribly fond, but some of my European counterparts almost swooned at the prospect. There are a large pool and weight rooms/gymnasia, saunas and places to relax outside of one’s room, but still under the watchful eye of the thousands of ill-concealed video cameras at every turn.
“Covert surveillance” may be a thing in Best Korea, but it’s a practice still leaves a lot to be desired. The Eastern Siberian Russians back before the wall fell were more covert with their obvious button audio microphones woven into the fabric covering the headboard of your Intourist bed than the Best Koreans here. Their cameras were ‘disguised’ as flower arrangements, overhead lights, and speakers inexplicably placed into things like standing ashtrays, refuse bins, and randomly placed holes in the wall.
The floors were all covered with exquisite what looked to be hand-woven rugs of most vibrant crimson and gold; the usual Communistic colors. Always with some sort of floral pattern or pattern that’s supposed to be reflective of nature, as I was told. Evidently, for workers to remember what nature was as they don’t get out much with 14 to 16 hours workdays here in the Worker’s Paradise.
Enough of the travelogue; we all wander up to the front desk, and each with their own passport in hand, request our reserved rooms. We supposed that we would all have rooms on different floors as the reservations were made, expired, re-made, juggled, rebooked, allowed to expire, re-jiggered, and finally formalized a scant week before we left the UK.
Nope. No such luck. We were all on the 39th floor. The place boasts 47 floors, of which, the top floor is a revolving restaurant. Evidently, food tastes better when you’re rotating.
However, it won’t spin unless you first buy a drink.
We had that thing whirling like a NASA centrifuge after its discovery the second night.
Yeah, all 12 of us are bivouacked on the 39th floor. A floor with approximately 30 rooms.
I guess we could have played “Room Roulette” and see who got which room and who’s luggage. Or we could switch every day or two to drive our handlers nuts. Or, we could just take our assigned rooms, which were conveniently located one empty room apart.
Meaning, no one had adjoining rooms. Why? Fuck if I know. We didn’t spend much time in our rooms, and that time was either sleeping or showering. We’d all meet at the bar, casino, restaurant, karaoke, bowling alley (all three lanes) or actual meeting rooms every once in a while when we thought we should get together and compare notes. It was the most inexplicable situation.
Plus, we spent an inordinate amount of time waiting on the fucking elevators to take us to our room. These elevators, and if you think you’re going to get a batch of aging senior scientists to schlep it up 39 floor’s worth of stairs, think again; are the slowest elevators in the civilized world. And that was the consensus of scientists representing not only Europe and North America, but Russia as well. 15-25 minutes added to each journey, up or down; stopping on every floor, except 5, on the way down..
Jesus Q. Fuck, dudes. If you can’t construct a bleedin’ elevator that works better than those at the Sozvezdie Medveditsy Guest House in Lesosibirsk, Eastern Siberia; then I suggest you seriously rethink your plans for world domination and new world order.
Grako and Erwin once, while waiting for the fucking elevator, figured out that we were earning some US$25 each just to wait for the lift to arrive and take us to our rooms. Every day. Sometimes several times per day.
With that, we all agreed to toss our “waiting time” funds into a kitty and on our last day of captivity here, blow it all in the hotel casino. Whatever became of that would be donated to the Koreans we thought most deserving of our largesse.
Would it be our handlers? How about the Korean Scientists we’d be meeting? The affable and most accommodating concierge? Or that plucky little Korean charwoman who was always on our floor and kept everything spotless, right down to our freshly laundered and pressed field clothes and newly polished field boots; done without our requesting or knowledge?
Only time would tell.
It could be a fortune or it could be bupkiss. Just like our expectations of the Heavenly Kingdom where we were currently sequestered.
As it was, with our official protestations, they kept only photocopies of our passports as we roundly refused and threatened a full-scale karaoke battle right here in the lobby if they didn’t relinquish our passports immediately. I had broken out my nastiest cigar and was primed to offend.
With that, we all had our keys and trooped over to the elevators for our first, of many, inexplicable waits. We made many uncharitable and potentially nasty remarks about the Anti-Western posters that made up some of the wall décor. Once we finally made it to our floor, we all fanned out to find our rooms. Viv found his first and was quite pleased to report to the rest of us that there was a “Welcome” basket in his room.
We all hoped that we would be receiving one a well.
I was in room 3914; which I considered a close call, but later only wondered as there was no 3913. Upon entering, I saw it was 1980s Hotel 6 opulent, but with an excellent over-city view. True it was late, dark, and the city was only somewhat lit up; I was looking forward to the view of the town in full daylight.
The room had a ‘king’ bed; that is if the king in question was Tutankhamen, the stubby, Egyptian boy king. The bed had no mattress pad and no box spring but it was hard enough for my liking. Many of my compatriots didn’t agree and complained bitterly. They eventually received thin mattress pads for all their kvetching.
There was an ancient Japanese color television, which only had 2 English language channels - Al Jazeera and the BBC, which was on a dated news loop. Watching the local channel is amusing though; the ads for ‘personal enhancements’ were hilarious, even without understanding a word of the language.
There were a couple of chairs and a low table, built-in dresser drawers for our clothes, a rusty and probably unusable room safe with corroded batteries, a small table built out of the wall that would serve as my travel office, and would-you-believe, a rotary telephone; how’s that for nostalgia?
There was an old-model radio built into the nightstand next to the bed. I was very surprised to find it not only received AM, FM but shortwave as well. I had brought along a pair of Bose headphones and during some rainy down days, spent many fun-filled, and I mean that sincerely, hours DXing from the comfort of my ‘enormous’ king bed.
Beyond that, the room was very nondescript. Like any other of the millions of rooms in hotels around the world that unlike here, aren’t claiming a 5-star rating. I mean, it was clean, if not a little long in the tooth. But didn’t smell too terrible, even after I took care of that with my Camacho offerings. It was utilitarian, everything worked, even the water pressure, which surprisingly could strip off layers of one’s skin if you weren’t careful.
The bathroom, though no Jacuzzi, had a large enough bathtub for the occasional soaking period. Western accouterments in the bathroom were also welcome additions. My knees can’t handle the traditional squat-holes any longer.
There were an electric teapot and several brands of tea, but no coffee. A quick “Gee! I sure wish I had some coffee!” to the four walls and damned if 30 minutes later, a porter didn’t arrive to replenish my tea and courtesy in-room coffee…
There was a small Japanese brand in-room refrigerator which I thought might house a mini-bar. Oh, no! It was actually a complimentary larder stocked with all sorts of Best Korean goodies. Multiple cans of Taedonggang beer. Several bottles of Pyongyang Soju, in various flavors ranging anywhere from 16.8 to 53 percent alcohol by volume. My fridge was skewed towards the right-hand side of the bell curve; the more heavy-duty boozy side.
Evidently, my reputation had preceded me again.
There was a selection of German-style wheat beers from the Taedonggang Brewery and the more familiar ales, steam beers, and lagers. There were some imported beers like Heineken, Bavaria, Pils, a couple of Japanese brands: Asahi and Kirin, and something called ‘Hello Beer’ from Singapore.
There were also ‘sampler’ bottles of Apricot Pit wine, and a couple of high-alcohol fruity liquors made from constituents such as apple or pear, and mushrooms. There were also special medicinal liquors like ‘Rason’s Seal Penis Liquor’.
That is going home with me unopened.
There were a couple of bottles of local sake, called Chonju. Finally, there was a couple ‘samplers’ of homemade alcohol known as Makkoli. Plus there was something called ‘Corn Grotto’, which for the life of me, looks and tastes much like a very passable Kentucky Sippin’ Bourbon.
I put our concierge on instant danger money the very next day. He’s yet to source me more than a fifth of the stuff so far.
I found that there is a popular drink here which mirrors the Yorsch of Mother Russia. Beer and soju can be mixed to create *somaek’; a foamy, frothy, funky drink of many flavors, depending on the soju chosen.
Is ethnoimbibology at thing? The science of how different cultures drink and the effects of drinking culture on different societies. If not, now I have another Ph.D. to pursue after I endow a chair at some likely Asian university.
Anyways, in everyone’s room was a “welcome” basket, just chock full of Best Korean goodies. Postcards, stamps, ads for coin sets, stamp proofs and other goodies that could be purchased at the hotel. There was a field notebook, which I thought was a very nice addition, newspapers, cookies, crackers, biscuits, candies, fruit drinks, and some fresh fruit; although tamarind chewies and durian chips aren’t on my list of personal favorites.
There were a couple of tour books, just chock full of staged photos. These were very nice as well, as so far, we haven’t had much time for shopping outside of government stores or smaller family-run shops in town or out in the boonies.
A few of us were hungry and decided to see what the hotel had to offer room service-wise.
Bupkiss.
But, they did have a selection of restaurants. There is a Chinese restaurant, a European restaurant, and a Korean restaurant on site but they all serve the same food...a Best Korean attempt at western food. And it was weird being the only ones in the restaurant even though it was fully staffed.
We grazed lightly and decided to do some late-night perambulations around our hotel. Our handlers admonished us to stay within the confines of the hotel, or see them if it was absolutely necessary to go walkabout. In the hotel, we were on our own.
We found that there were tunnels in the hotel’s basement. The basement tunnels were a real bonus. There’s a bar with pool tables, a karaoke room, bowling, and a massage parlor, where I was beaten and pummeled into submission by tiny, diminutive, little Korean lassies fully 1/5th my size.
It was wonderful.
There was a hairdresser’s, who were completely befuddled by my shoulder-length silver-gray locks and full gray Grizzly Adams beard. They did provide a lovely shampoo/cranial massage though for the equivalent of US$2.
There were a couple of shops selling Chinese goods rather than local stuff, which was sort of disappointing, a cold noodle bar, and another casino. No shops selling Korean Communist propaganda posters, as I wanted to augment my Soviet-era collection. Perhaps I’ll find something in-country later on.
We were shocked to find that the casino had WiFi that was uncensored and we were able to access; after a fee of liquor miniatures and a cigar or two. We were supposed to have access to the global internet, not local intranet, from the universities that we would be visiting. However, all of that was under the heavily squinting eyes of handlers and guys in shiny suits wearing fake Ray-Bans.
I still had my secret satellite internet lash-up available, but that was iffy, a pain in the ass to set up, and ridiculously expensive. However, it did work on the 39th floor and the times I used it instead of wandering down to the tunnels, no one appeared to be the wiser. Thus far.
So typically, we’d just head to the basement casino with our laptops, iPads, and phones. Bam! Robert’s your Sister’s Husband, we could connect more-or-less free with the outside world; hence how you are reading this now.
Herro! “Yes, I’d sure like another beer. This time a porter, if you please.”
The more they overthink the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain. Or the more they put into locks, the easier they are to pick.
Besides, we were told we’d have access to unfettered and free internet. OK, so we just found it for ourselves. Whaddya expect? We’re scientists, motherfucker, back off.
Ahem.
Back to reality.
The breakfast buffet the next morning had a wide choice of Asian and Western food, although the choices seemed to be the same every day. The main event was to beat the Chinese tourists to the egg station every morning. Breakfast always included fried eggs, a limited selection of pork, kippered fish, potatoes, rice, fruit, and a very Titanium-dioxide-white white bread
After a while, I took to going to the small market behind the lobby, buying some imported Chinese or Japanese nibbly bits and heading to the tunnels for a few breakfast beers before the long hard day’s work. It took almost a week, but I gained the trust of some of the workers in the tunnels and they showed me the on-site microbrewery at the hotel. It produced very passable, and very, very cheap beers of several varieties.
Liquid bread. Beer. Is there nothing it can’t do?
After breakfast our first day at the hotel, we were told to meet in the Conference Room “Il-sung” as we were going to have a ‘Welcome foreign imperialist scientists’ introduction and indoctrination.
Besides our handlers and the shiny-suit squad, there were several Korean folks we didn’t recognize. These were students, scientists, and scholars from the Kim Chaek University of Technology, Kim Il-sung University, the Pyongyang University of Science and Technology; all hailing from Pyongyang, and the University of Geology from North Hwanghae Province.
“Oh, marvelous”, Erlen remarked, “It’s going to be a bloody Chautauqua. We’ll be here all day.”
“Well”, I replied, “It could be worse. We could be on a bus headed off on another unscheduled road trip.”
As we found our seats, our Korean counterparts were busily setting up portable screens, like the ones your grandfather had for showing his 2.1 Googleplex worth of travel slides every Christmas or Thanksgiving get-together. They had a couple of ancient Chinese brand laptops that could have doubled for body armor, they were so thick and heavy.
While they fiddled with running cords for the overhead projectors and 16mm film projector; yes, it was going to be movie time as well, the hotel’s restaurant folks wheeled in carts laden with scones, cupcakes, and other sweet sorts of bakery. Another cart was wheeled in with pump-pots of hot water, tea, and coffee. Usual scientific meeting fare.
There was one final cart that made the day bearable. It held a pony keg of hotel micro-brewed beer on ice, with several dozen frosty mugs available for all who wanted to partake.
There were instantly 12 mugs that were spoken for.
I grabbed a cold beer and wandered around the conference room, sipping beer, chewing on an unlit cigar, and just trying to be pleasant to our hosts and their scientific guests. I was surprised when one North Korean professor, who spoke amazingly British-tinged English, offered me a light for my cigar.
“Is smoking allowed here?” I asked.
“Allowed?” he laughed heartily, “My good man, it’s practically a prerequisite.”
“Here then”, I said, offering him a nice, unctuous Camacho, “Try one of mine.”
Dr. P'ung Kwang-Seon of the North Korean University of Geology became my instant and lifelong friend at that moment.
We had a very nice chat, much to the chagrin of the gray suit cadre, who could hear what we were talking about, but probably didn’t understand anything beyond every 8th word.
After a while, we were asked to take our seats, after refreshing our drinks, and introduced to the group of Korean geoscientists we’d be interacting with during our stay here in Best Korea.
I tried to record every name, but between the students, other scholars, and professors from the various universities, I decided I’d ask for a list of participants once the day had worn on. After all, they had all our names, references, and resumes if the thick folio they kept referring to was any indication.
There were a couple of hours of introductions, as every one of the Korean geoscientists there introduced themselves, mostly through translators, told of their personal area of specialty, and their latest work.
Most were what would be considered geoscientists, but oddly enough, not one that you would consider a petroleum geoscientist, however tangentially.
There were geomorphologists, structural geologists, petrologists, mineralogists, marine geologists, engineering geologists, and seismologists. However, there were no stratigraphers, sedimentologists, paleontologists, or geochemists. We were all geoscientists, but apart from the obvious Korean:English disparity, it was as if we spoke different scientific languages as well.
That would be our first hurdle to overcome.
They had no oil industry here; none whatsoever, therefore why one would bother with the geosciences that fed directly into petroleum? That, in and of itself, would make it difficult to explore for oil in the country. Couple that with the fact that they’re so insular, think their version of ‘science’ is the best, at least that’s the official line, and think all other’s ‘science’ is capitalistic, substandard, and inferior doesn’t bode well for your country discovering anything either oily or gassy.
We were having another conclave around the beer keg, ack, err…a ‘coffee break’ and I mentioned this fact to my scientific colleagues.
“Guys”, I need input here, “We’re going to get precisely nowhere if they won’t even acknowledge that they have major problems from the start.”
Ivan replies, “Very true. I’ve seen this before back home. You get a group so entrenched in their own little corner of science, they can’t even accept or acknowledge that others exist. Not only exist but actually know more about a certain problem than do you.”
Dax joins the fray, “Sure, that’s very true, but who’s going to tell them this unfortunate fact? They could take that as a personal, national, and global insult. Imagine you’re at an international conference and a bunch of foreigners walk in just to tell you you’ve been doing it all wrong for the last 75 years.”
I add, “Remember, though. These characters are scientists as well. I think it’ll be a good measure of seeing what sort of science and scientist we’re dealing with here. If they are truly researchers, they’ll listen to and evaluate what we say as for veracity and accuracy. If they’re just a bunch of Commie goons; no offense, Comrade Academician Ivan, they’ll get all pissed off, kick us out, and we get to go home and enjoy our triple Force Majeure pay.”
Ivan walks over and deliberately steps on the toes of my newly polished field boots.
“In Soviet Russia, field boots walk on YOU.” He laughs in his heavily inflected, and scary, Soviet-era speech…
“Yes, I agree”, Joon adds, “But who is going to address this issue with our hosts? Perhaps one of our Russian comrades, as they are, or were, more politically aligned with our Korean friends and perhaps best understand the issue?”
Ack speaks up, grinning maniacally, “No, I disagree. We should have the one person here who so encapsulates the ideologies and political leanings that they love to hate here so much. You know; the quiet, diminutive, and soft-spoken North American…”
Dax recoils, “Oh, no! I’m not going out in front of this mob of ornery Orientals…”
I smile wanly and tell Dax to cool out.
“Relax, Dax. They’re talking about me.”
“Oh, yes”, a collective group of voices replies, “Yes. Let out fearless Team Leader break the bad news to our Eastern Colleagues. That way we can gauge their reactions to being bounced around scientifically by a member of the Evil Capitalist Cartel.”
“OK”, I reply, “I’ll do it. But be forewarned, my fine feathered fiends. I get stuck on a topic that’s not precisely my bailiwick, I’m going to throw your ass to the wolves. Remember, we’re all in this together.”
Whoops, and catcalls were reduced to mumbles and ‘Aw, fucks.’.
Chautauqua resumption was called and I asked for the floor.
It was a bit off the agenda, but since they’ve been chewing the air for the last several hours, they understood it would be appropriate for us to at least try and get a word in edgewise.
I downed my beer, and grabbed a fresh one as what I was going to say was going to be harsh, cut-and-dried, and rather pointed. But delivered in a pleasant manner.
I hoped.
This all had to be filtered through a series of translators, one for general conversational Korean and another for the more technical and scientific transliterations. I realized I was going to be up here for a while. So, I brought a cigar.
One way or another, I was going to deliver our pronouncements and hell, I may as well be comfortable while doing it.
.
“Greetings and felicitations, my Eastern Colleagues. Let me first say how nice it is to be here in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea as part of the ….”
I’m going to fast-forward through all the flowery bullshit and introductory happiness; I’ll going to just cut to the guts of the matter.
“…Now, you do know why there has been virtually no oil, gas nor any other hydrocarbon related deposit discovered here in the Democratic People's Republic of Korea?” I asked by way of a rhetorical question.
I sipped my beer and lit my cigar. In for a chon, in for a won.
I let the buzzing subside on the side of our eastern counterparts.
“Because, and please do not take this as insulting or derogatory, but as a statement of irrefutable fact, no one with the proper training nor experience has been looking. You’re historically guilty of applying the science incorrectly and letting dogma and politics guide your search, instead of the scientific method and the facts. Geology, like all natural science, is just as truth based on the facts for a capitalist as it is for a communist. Reality is not influenced by your beliefs, be they scientific or political, secular or spiritual, ‘trusted’ rather than ‘thought’; any more than by your wish that it wouldn’t rain today during a raging thunderstorm.”
Little Boy over Hiroshima was dropped with less effect.
Our Democratic People's Republic of Korea colleagues erupted into a chaotic mixture of stuttering, internecine yelling, accusations, and sputtering.
Calling for decorum, I figured that since I was this far gone, I may as well push the plunger all the way to the bottom.
“Gentlemen, I do not denigrate the science of geology as taught and practiced here in Best Korea.” I actually said that, sort of a slip of the tongue. Continuing, “However, one would not fish for Bluefin tuna from a rowboat in a pond with a fly rod. One does not hunt bear in the city with a slingshot. Just as one doesn’t search for oil and gas with mining engineers, geomorphologists, and seismologists.”
I let that sink in and after the translation, they calmed a bit and wanted to hear the rest of what I had to say. I could sense a couple was less than thrilled with what I had to say, but forging onward…
“One fishes for Bluefin tuna in the deep ocean with huge rods, reels and a specialist boat captained by someone with deep experience in hunting the elusive fish. One hunts bear in the proper environment, the taiga or forest, with the proper tools and guided by one with the education, learnedness, and experience to know how to make the hunt come out successful.”
Hit them with some analogies they can relate to and digest. Now, go for the carotid.
“Just like one does not hunt oil and gas without stratigraphers, sedimentologists, geophysicists, petrophysicists, and other oil and gas experts who have the education, experience, and knowledge to know where to look. Knowing which environment looks most conductive to hide your quarry, if you’ll pardon the pun, and how best to find them, the guys who know how to corral and de-risk them once you find them, and the engineers and technologists who know how to bring them to the surface so they can be utilized.”
They had stopped being irritated and were listening in rapt attention.
“My colleagues and I have spent the last few days going over, in detail the geology of your country. There is nothing we can see that would preclude the development, entrapment, and preservation of economic quantities of oil and gas. Ture, the geology is quite complex as is the structural history of the entire peninsula. That’s one other thing you will have to accept. Geology doesn’t give the tiniest shit about political boundaries. One must look at the big picture, and that doesn’t stop at some man-made borders. Ignore that fact at your peril, because if you continue to view the geology here as not existing across political boundaries, you are preadapting yourself for failure.”
Drs. Ivan, Volna, and Morse make certain that everyone sees the ex-Soviets agreeing with the bushy-bearded, cigar-chomping American capitalist.
“So,” I said, hoping to bring this little spit-balling session to a fortuitous close, “If we can have an agreement; scientific agreement, on these points, then I am certain we can find a way forward with not only this discussion but the program we can devise for the best Korean (notice phase shift?) geologists to take the project forward both scientifically soundly and economically successful.”
My North Korean counterpart gets up from his seat in the conference room, goes to the keg, taps a couple of beers and walks up to the podium where I was standing.
“Thank you, Dr. Rocknocker, for saying what needed to be said”, he spoke in perfect English as he handed me a beer.
I grinned and gratefully accepted the beer.
“Why, Dr. Chang Kwang-Su”, I said, as that was his name, “You old fraud. You do speak English; and very well, I must add.”
“Yes, almost all of us do”, he relayed, “But, as you said, we are most reserved. We were more or less under orders of the ‘most illustrious’, to play coy, and act as if we spoke no English.”
“I see.” I said, “I’ve worked in several FSU countries as well as Russia and saw that there as well. I guess old habits die hard.”
“That they do, Doctor.”, he replied, “But, we must now tell you the truth. We knew exactly what you said is true, and we agree. We are not as totally insulated from the outside world as some suspect.”
“Well, I was going on what your superiors related to us. Like the police that had all their toilets stolen, I had nothing else to go on.” I replied.
“Ah, ha! Quite!”, he chuckled, “We had long suspected that we were lacking in certain areas of scholarship. What you said cements that fact as it was an independent conclusion. We can now present that to our superiors with the caveat that unless we bolster work and training in these areas, the hunt of hydrocarbon resources here will be for naught.”
“I am relieved”, I said, truthfully. “I was slightly concerned that some might take umbrage to being told their science is not up to specifications. I tried to be the bearer of that bad news but deliver it gently. Here, I find you need that to use that as a truncheon to smack one’s boss upside the head and tell him that an upgrade is required. And fast.”
“Ah, so”, he replies, “We are in total agreement. Now that is out of the way, we would appreciate it if you’d help in designing a course of study for up and coming local geoscientists. Then, we can go forward with a great plan to search for oil and gas here in…Korea. Correct?”
“Absolutely”, I remarked, “You’ve got over 400 man-years of science and exploration expertise here in this room alone. Let’s shoot for the moon, so to speak. Let’s get you up to speed on scientific journals and articles that are available out there in all of academia and industry. Let’s get you communicating on a global basis. Let’s prove that you can talk science with global scientists and still not have it affect your political or nationalistic aspirations one little bit. Let’s see if we can drag you, figuratively speaking, kicking and screaming, into the 21st century.”
“Doctor”, Dr. Chang remarked, “You are the embodiment of what we were always told what Americans are. Brash, loud, confident, and evil. Except for evil, you are American as we were led to believe.”
“Hey, I take that as a compliment”, I exclaim. “You think that’s bad, I’ve got a bunch of earnest Europeans, raucous Russians, and a couple of cagey Canadians on my side as well. Before we’re finished here, we’ll have you ordering hachee, dining on Caldo Verde, snacking on salmiakki, drinking Russkaya vodka with Pabst Blue Ribbon beer, eating poutine, and rooting for the Packers.”
“Doctor, I don’t know what half of that means, but I hope it comes to pass. It sounds most fascinating.” Dr. Chang chuckles.
The rest of the day was spent with various groups crystallizing and breaking off from the main crowd; then reforming as different groups. This was good, as it showed an interest across not only national borders but across ideologies and scientific specialties.
Most everyone here spoke English with some degree of fluency, so the translators were called in only occasionally.
I made certain they were included in everything that transpired that day. I want everyone to feel ‘part of the team’. How better to show the classlessness of Western science to include everyone in on both sides of every discussion and activity?
To be continued…

If you haven't had time to listen to seven hours of podcast interviews, or you didn't retain everything you heard, here are some key points. I didn't think to do this until just now, so I'll be posting it as a work in progress and updating it throughout the afternoon. That way more people will have a chance to read up before the premiere.
Karishma Patel, 37, Personal Injury Trial Lawyer, Houston, TX -First generation Indian-American Her mom was as a legal assistant, and got her a filing job at her law firm when she was 14. "I didn't have other options. I was basically told I was going to be a lawyer and I didn't disagree."She has watched every season and regularly listens to RHAP. She sits close to the TV to study the inflections on people's faces when something is said to them, so that she can think about what that means. But, her parents and husband don't share her enthusiasm for the show. Asked if it's her dark pleasure she says, "It is completely bright. It is a beautiful pleasure of mine, but it is mine and mine only. I haven't been able to find people to share it with." -Doing the show has caused her conflict. "Not only is it not expected, it's not allowed. It's kind of like being a disobedient Indian girl. You're not supposed to be doing this. What you're supposed to be doing is having babies. But I don't care. I'm a risk taker. I'm here to prove to myself that I don't need to listen to anybody else. I don't need permission from anybody else. This is my journey and I'm going to take it. I hope that people watching out there can see that an Indian woman's value does not come from doing what she's told." -She doesn't currently have children, and she says she has some decisions to make as she enters a crossroads and the next stage of her life. -Her law firm told her they'll replace her if they're able to find someone, and she can have her job back if they don't. "I didn't flinch." -Her strategy is to be non-threatening and play a social game. She doesn't look 37, and she wants to use that youthfulness to be disarming. She wants to build relationships other people believe in. She defines success by other people vouching for her loyalty when they go off and have private conversations with one another. "That means I got 'em, because it's actually the other way around." Asked if she wants to find someone she can trust, "I'm not going to be capable of it. I'm too skeptical for that. I overthink things, so I'm not going to be able to trust somebody the way I want to be trusted... If I do, that's the end of my game."
My take: Oh my God. Poor Karishma. Her story hurts my heart. She reminds me so much of myself in her isolation, her defiance and her deep feelings. I worry that her fear of trusting people could get in the way of her forming genuine bonds. But, there's nothing she can do. Society has made her the way she is. I hope she gets a lot of screen time so she can be a star of her favorite show.
Missy Byrd, 24, Military Veteran/App Developer, Tacoma, Washington -Originally from Georgia. Her family was 'decently poor.' She played basketball for the Air Force Academy because she thought it was her ticket out. -She had a brain tumor. She stopped menstruating for a year and two quarters. "I'm not dating anyone but I have breast milk. I'm a literal cow... I would look down and my shirt would be wet, and I thought, 'Dang you're clumsy. I knew you were clumsy, but you're clumsier today than you were yesterday. But it was - it was - uhh - milk." She had crying fits. She developed a stutter and couldn't look at people. Doctors told her she was just stressed. When her dad died she couldn't process emotions normally. She was about to go to the French version of the Air Force Academy, École de l'air, after graduation but because of her mental instability she was removed from school. The military shipped her to the same Air Force base as Sandra (Fort Lewis.) "I don't want to be there. Super sad. Check into the post office - fuck this. Check into the dorms - hate that." The doctor there found the tumor. She got an MRI and all weekend she believed she might have cancer. Over the next year and a half she eliminated the tumor and the symptoms using vitamins. She enlisted and worked logistics. -She made a list of the things she wanted to do now that she was going to live. "The first thing was go see Beyonce. Beyonce costs way too much money for a normal person to go see, but if you've just almost had a near death experience you go see Beyonce, bro!" She was feet away. She drove across the country. She tried weed. -She had an idea for an app, but didn't even have the computer literacy to use social media. She found a veteran's association and asked if she could intern. "They said, 'No, you should build this out yourself. We want to work for you.' I said, 'No, the fuck you don't. Okay, lemme call my grandma.'" She wrote a grant proposal and won a $1,500 office space in the center of Seattle. "Just to do whatever I want. It was like a laboratory for a child. I had Play-Dough up there. I had a white board... Just mind blowing shit when I could have been dead." -She'd seen every episode of Survivor at least three times. She started watching because her Air Force Academy basketball team was getting decimated, and she related to Foa Foa getting decimated in Survivor: Samoa. She added the show to her list. Josh suggests, "The bugs are eating you because they want some of that magic." -She isn't going to tell people her story until she's in the Final 3. "That's that Final 3 magic." She doesn't want to overly rely on strategy. She doesn't want to win individual challenges. She to build a social game and find ways to relate to everyone.
My take: She's so full of exuberance. There's not a negative bone in her body right now. She's too young and her life experience is too necessarily limited to talk around three years of her life. If she shares her story, the beauty of her perspective will cause everyone to fall in love with her and want her to do well. If she doesn't, people will sense that she's hiding a lot. I think she'll figure that out and course correct within the first day. Since she was at the same Air Force base as Sandra and she was a massive fan, does that suggest she knows her?
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Ronnie Bardah, 35, Professional Poker Player, Henderson, Nevada-Born and raised in Brockton, Massachusetts, 20 minutes south of Boston. They were the only Israeli family in town. 50% of the people in Brockton were from Cape Verde, and he considers himself an "honorary Cape Verdian." A couple of his friends were shot and killed at a young age. -He was a good kid and had a good heart, but he was always hustling. In Junior High he was flipping Oatmeal Cakes and Fudge Rounds for a profit. Slinging baseball cards. Both his parents gambled. They were always at the dog tracks or Mohegan Sun. He had his friend make him a fake ID and got stuck with the name Alaja Jones. He went by Al and started playing the casinos. Quit his job at Sears Automotive to play poker full time.-He played Atlantic City, Vegas, then internationally. He had his first big score in 2010 when he took 24th place in the main event for $320,000. Got to keep $150,000 after taxes. "Poker's a hard way to make an easy living. Lots of people try. We risk every day. You have to get to a point when you can manage your bankroll and I've never gone broke in the 16 years I've played." -In one of the most viewed poker hands of all time, he was bluffed out of a million dollar pot by a supermodel on a poker TV show filmed in Monaco. "She made a sick play. She had no idea what she was doing but all the stars were aligned."-He watched Borneo when it aired and got back into it when fellow poker player Anna Khait was on. He calls Jean-Robert, "kinda a lazy guy...He's really good at befriending multi-millionaires." "Anna Khait... is probably the least poker player out of all of us. She played for a couple years." "And then Garrett - He's a very, very smart, smart kid... Self-made millionaire. One of the very, very few." -He only drank water for 7.5 days and lost 25 pounds for his health and to get an idea of the conditions of the show. He thinks he'll thrive in the survival situation. "People like being around me. I like to fucking bust balls and joke." He thinks old school alliances are a good plan, but you have to adapt. He says that like in poker, Survivor players can have every advantage, but they have to really smell it. -He wants Vince out. "There's an Asian Zeke in there. What value does he bring besides ruining people and getting in people's heads? He's a liability in challenges. He looks like a little corn puff. We gotta get him outta here. Sorry to sound so mean but it's the truth."
My take: Ruuuuude. He has no way of knowing how other people on the cast are talking in their interviews, and may assume the trash talk is standard. If he were playing on some seasons it would be. But, in this particular season it sets him apart in an unflattering way, and it seems a part of the tough persona he's built up to escape a scary situation growing up and enter a fantasy career. We'll see whether his tribe thinks he's a straight talking character or a jerk.
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Tom Laidlaw, Former NHL Player, Brampton, Ontario, Canada -He was with the New York Rangers for 7 years and the LA Kings for 4. Now he has his own podcast, True Grit Life (truegritlife.com). Does it with a friend, Kevin Allen, who writes for USA Today. Does motivational speaking. -Growing up on a dairy farm outside Toronto there was a pond to water the cows. It froze over in the winters and he'd play hockey because there wasn't much else to do. Went to Northern Michigan University - four year hockey captain, ranked #1 team in the country. Drafted as a 20 year old. "My buddy had a horse farm. We were cleaning horse shit out of the stalls. There were no cell phones back then. This is 1978. My father got a call at our farm house from the New York Rangers at the draft. Back then nobody went to the draft - it was just teams. They said I'd been drafted in the sixth round. He calls the farm house where I'm working. They bring me up. He says, 'Son, you've been drafted by the Rangers.' I said, 'Great. What do I do now?' He says, 'Finish cleaning the shit out of the stalls.'" -When he played intimidation and fighting was strategy. There were guys tougher than him, but he could fight and he could also play. Problem was, he fought a guy once, and from then on the guy wanted to fight him over and over. -Jerry Bruckheimer, big hockey fan, called the NHL and wanted to get some players on the Amazing Race. Tom had kept himself in shape, he had his passport. They ended up asking him about Survivor. He'd watched it before but not for a while. He wasn't so sure he wanted to play a game where you hurt other people, but friends helped him get his head around it. He was very impressed by Christian's toughness in the endurance challenge. To prepare for the show he studied how he reacted to different situations, how to control his heart heart, etc. He wants the mental challenge.
My take: Tom really ticked me off when he spoiled a couple of outcomes of this season. That's a betrayal of the producers, his cast and the viewers. But, if that hadn't happened I would like him. He's an easy-going, charming guy. His life experiences are a bit different than anyone else who's been on the show, which is what you want.
Vince Moua, 27, Admissions Counselor, Merced, CA -His family is Hmong. His parents lived in Vietnam in the destruction left by the war - dead bodies, guns, people who wanted to kill them. They went to refugee camps in Thailand. Then his dad became a Montana farm hand. He met Vince's mom in the US, but she came from the same place. -Vince is from small town Merced, California - the 209. Few people he knew went anywhere but the UC system and community college. He went to Stanford, one of only 7-10 Hmong. He realized the significance someone can bring to people from the same community. He tried to be pre-med but realized "no, not today." The issues of access he cared about came well before people got to the hospital. He ended up going with education. His mom was a teacher, "But when I was growing up she said, 'Yo, if you become a teacher Imma disown yo ass.' To all of us. But, that's always kinda been my jam." -He lived in South Korea for five years. He taught English in a town. Then in Seoul ahed worked with low and middle income students who wanted to study outside of Korea. -He's a Survivor superfan, who even mentions on his Tinder account that he plans to be on Survivor. His parents were worried about him doing TV because he's not out as gay to his extended family. He comes from a clan where his dad is the "top dog" and Vince is "the next top dog." In the Asian American/Pacific Islander community when you come out, it's your family who faces - in a sense - dishonor. For a long time he distanced himself from his family, hoping they'd all be less hurt if they found out and disowned him. He always tried to find friends who would be there for him should his parents not be. A year ago his mom asked him rhetorically if he was gay. "I was try'n to go around it. I was like, 'Gurl, you don't wanna know! Yo ass keeps asking!' But she kept asking, asking. So finally I told her 'Yeah, I am!' and she was crying. My dad was like, 'Oh, my son!'" But, Vince is fine with who he is and wants to show kids like him that "let's hope that it gets better." Now his parents just want him to win. -He'd like to play an old school strategy but "I'm not afraid to cut a bitch." With the tribe he's going to be Homeboy Vince from the 209, but when he talks to the camera he's going to tell people "Don't underestimate your narratives." This past year with Crazy Rich Asians, he wants people to know that there are some Crazy Hood Ass Asians.
My take: What a character. Vince has a clear point of view - Hmong, blue collar, gay - which is unique to him in Survivor lore. Even though double minorities have sometimes had trouble fitting in socially on Survivor I think somehow he's going to pull it off. As unlikely as this sounds I could even see him being a Cochran-esque winner.
Aaron Meredith, 36, Personal Trainer, Warwick, Rhode Island -He's very keyed up at Ponderosa. Rambling so fast it sounds like you're listening to 1.5x. He's read four books so far - Relentless by Tim Grover, Can't Hurt Me by Dave Goggins, Iron Cowboy by James Lawrence, Harry Potter. -He was an engineer at a building insulation plant. He was miserable, too antsy sitting at a desk. Couldn't focus. So, he drove up and down the East Coast popping kettle corn - from Maine to Florida - traveling with carnies. Bartended for a while. He'd played college football and baseball, lifted since high school, and he and his friends wanted to get "huge and jacked and ripped." The owner of the gym suggested he become a personal trainer. He ended up working mostly with middle aged women and it taught him empathy. Now he owns two women's-only fitness studios. He puts supportive women around one another and offers them the positivity to seek self-growth. -He's also a party boat emcee. Lights, DJ, bar, drinks. He's an extremely social person. -He'd first applied at 23 - 6 or 7 times over the years. He was in the mix for Cook Islands and David vs. Goliath. -He's been married 7 years and has a 5 year old son. His son is a huge fan of Survivor. Libby Vincek is his favorite player. Kara Kay was his next favorite. Aaron is already sure Molly will be his son's favorite. "He has a type. He He likes the attractive blondes. He says, 'I like them because they have a nice face.' I like mommy because she has a nice face too." The boy was very concerned about his dad going on the show. He said, "Dad, I don't want anyone to laugh at you and make fun of you." Aaron said he wanted to win. His son said, "But you might not win." When they watch the show he'll always ask, "Do they like him? Do they like her?" If Aaron is portrayed in a negative light he'll have to sit down with his son and talk. He doesn't want to play a deceitful game, but he will, because he doesn't care how he's portrayed.
My take: His story about his son is one of my favorites from all these interviews. I hope he gets to work with Molly. His adrenaline is too high. I hope he calms down a lot when the game starts. But, someone so social and sweet hearted who can win challenges and take themselves to the end has got to be a contender to win.
Chelsea Walker, 27, Digital Content Editor, Los Angeles, CA -Chelsea just took the cast photo and they put her in the third spot from the bottom, a good omen because a weird number of winners have been in that position. "Your girl's number three. I got this!" -She's a Jersey girl. She went to the University of Maryland. "I didn't do Survivor: Maryland or anything." She studied Broadcast Journalism. She knew the generic emails for NBC Universal and emailed random people until someone replied. Now she's been in LA a year. She did coverage of award shows. Now she works at IMDB, where she helps Kevin Smith with his show. She just interviewed people at SXSW. -She's been watching Survivor since she was 8. She's cried in every interview because this means so much to her. She's trying to explain that at the point she starts crying again. "It's been such a dream of mine and To be told no year after year after year - these past six years have been a total mindfuck. I've basically been called every single year. I've been to finals three times. Survivor is my one true love, but the one year they didn't call me I got really pissed off so I tried out for Big Brother. I ended up becoming the alternate and got my key being filmed and all of that crap. But I don't like that show anyway." -In September 2017 she was at a WeHo bar for her friend's birthday when, "Oh shit that's Jeff Probst." Her girlfriends all know she's obsessed, so she pulled the waiter over and asked what that guy was drinking. So, Chelsea sent another one over. "I told my friends, 'Take my credit card. Split the bill, because I can't come back after I do this. As soon as the waiter drops off the drink I'm like, 'Jeff, this one's on me. You can buy me the next one at finals.' And I just walked out of the restaurant... That was a big move!" They didn't call her again that year, but Jeff still remembered when they talked this year. -She's been working out at four different gyms - weights, pilates, yoga. Push ups. Memorized puzzles. Reading How to Win Friends and Influence People, which she keeps in.a Bible sleeve so people will think she's religious. She also carries Harry Potter because she would trust someone who read HP. She wants to keep it cool. Make one on one connections. Eventually find idols - and not tell anyone she has one - and make calculated moves. "I don't want to be a Jacob. No offense."
My take: Hearing this girl cry from joy because she's so happy to be on the show makes me emotional. She's a real go getter. I wish I were that damn fearless. Truly, I wish I were more like her. I hope her pure zest for life comes across on TV and she doesn't get stuck with a purple edit just because of her age and gender. I also hope no one decides to get threatened by her as a competitive girl and vote her off premerge. I think she'll go far. Hope so.
Dean Kowalski, 28, Account Executive, New York, New York -Referring to himself in the third person, "Dean is 28 years old. As we mentioned, he lives in New York and he prides himself on being a well rounded person when it comes to interests, abilities, personalities... If I'm listening to Drake and Lil Wayne, I gotta go home and cry to This Is Us.. I can play basketball but also think about our place in the universe." He likes to tag basketball courts with a peace symbol with a ball on it which he makes using a stencil. -He structures most of his interview with Josh around an Outwit, Outplay, Outlast format, explaining why he excels at each. -He grew up in an affluent suburb. His dream was to play in the NBA. He was 5"9 3/4, so he set his eyes on college basketball as a realistic alternative. In order to get looks from colleges he went to a school 30 minutes away - top five in the country, Nike would fly them around for games and give them free Jordan sneakers. He was one of only 4 white guys in the whole school and the only one on the team. He played with Kyrie Irving, the #1 overall draft pick. "My friend said you look like the Make a Wish Kid who just wants to be on the team for a day." He played at Colombia University, where he was co-captain his senior year despite averaging two minutes a game. He became a teacher, then did sales for a tech startup in New York. He now sells ads for Google. -He's a fan, but far from a superfan. He started watching Brenda's season. (He thinks it was Nicaragua, but it was actually Carmoan.) He works with a superfan who freaked out when they had a meeting at H&R Block with Carolyn Rivera and they went out to Bourbon Street with her. He kept watching for five years and thought he could do well. He hates when people are all talk, so he sent in a tape. For the video he interviewed random strangers on the street, who had never met him or seen the show, and asked them, "Why am I going to win it?" A barber, a construction worker. He's going to tell people he's in marketing, not sales - people have sales.
My take: I'm just not that into him.
Elaine Stott, 41, Factory Worker, Rockholds, NY -When Josh asks her not to touch the table she asks him, "You seen that Bart Simpson commercial, right? Don't touch my Butterfinger? I'm already hungry thinking about it." -"I had a pretty rough way to go growing up." Her single dad raised her and her three brothers. She was the youngest. "I was raised like one of the boys. Know what I mean? Daddy didn't know how to raise no little girl." He worked 16-17 hour days. The kids raised themselves. "When little children make their own decisions, they make poor ones." She was a hellion. -She's originally from Woodbine, Kentucky, Nick Wilson's hometown. Her god sister went to school with him and she knows him through the grapevine. "We rode on different sides of the track. 20 years ago he coulda been my lawyer, because I was on the other side of the law. I'm not bad. I've just done some things." Public intoxication several times. "I come from a dry county. It's like Footloose. We cross the state line to get a beer and when you come back you're in trouble." She stole a newspaper stand once and had to do community service. "I was a little bit mean." -She went to live with her grandpa and cleaned her act up, by which she means that she started smoking a little weed and playing sports - basketball, softball, track. She played softball and judo in college. "I couldn't do nothing real technical. We had Brazilians on the team who could do flying arm bars. But if I got these claws on you and got ya on the ground I'd waller you to death." In casting she put this guy Will in an armbar. She was gonna choke him but didn't know if she should. -When she graduated, her girlfriend was a college Freshman so she went to all the same parties and ballgames for four years. Then she realized she needed a job. Now she drives a Ford truck for a factory. She's been there 15 years. She works 12 hours, 7 days a week. -Growing up her mom "was always in my life in some sense. She'd never miss a birthday. She'd be homeless, but she'd still call." Elaine and her brothers bought her cars, and places to live, and got her jobs. "In a sense I've been mourning the loss of my mom my whole life." Once Elaine was homeless herself and there was snow on the ground. It was cold, and her teacher took her in. Gave her Christmas presents. Made her go to prom. Survivor was a thing they shared, and the teacher was gonna be Elaine's loved one. But within a one year period the woman lost her daughter, her husband, her dog and then had a stroke. Now "she walks like Frankenstein" and can't go. Elaine got Probst to talk to her, and she can't wait to watch. In October Elaine's biological mom went into a coma. She was on life support, but Elaine wouldn't unplug her. Her mom came out of it and seemed to be doing a lot better only to die very suddenly of a heart attack. -Her girlfriend and her girlfriend's two sons are gonna be watching. The 18 year old doesn't know because he can't keep a secret. The 13 year old helped her lose 20 pounds doing crossfit to come out here. She wants the money, but she really wants "some of that soul searching, that life adventure, that life changing - some of that. You know what I mean? Gimme some of that soup! Lemme eat some of that up! I want this show to build me up, because I feel like it can. I sure hope to hell it don't tear me down."
My take: About 12 sobbing emojis in a row. She's my favorite. If she gets voted out premerge I'm going to go into mourning. And how can you not sort of expect that? I am going to be so upset if they just dismiss her because she's older and looks out of shape and sounds country. If that happens, I want another Second Chance season next year.
Elizabeth Biesel, 26, Olympic swimmer, South Kingstown, Rhode Island -Josh says that Elizabeth was outright identified by one of the other contestants because they'd been watching YouTube videos about how to be a better swimmer. Others guessed she was an Olympian based on her rings tattoo. -She's from the Ocean State. They lived a block away from the beach, so they wanted her to take swimming lessons. She was a rambunctious child and swimming was the only way they could calm her energy. She started breaking records when she was 7 or 8. When she was 13 she made her first national team. At 15 she went to the Olympics. She got good early. Women peak around 22-23, and she ended her career at 24. You couldn't make much money doing it. She swam one of the longer, more grueling races, and her body said "no more." She listened to her body and retired. Some athletes lose their love for swimming because they're embittered by losing by 1/100th of a second, or they leave injured. She left on a good note. Still, if she could swim competitively for the rest of her life, she would. Now she doesn't know who she is or what she's going to do with the rest of her life. Every hour of the day used to have a purpose. Now her days are wide open. She can't keep eating 5,000 calories a day. "It's sort of like I'm mourning the death of Elizabeth Biesel the swimmer." -She was a Survivor fan as a kid because Richard Hatch was from Rhode Island. In her area "Every single household that had a television set was watching Survivor." When they asked her if she'd do the show, she felt pure joy. She said absolutely right away. She's excited about the competition of Survivor. No heated Olympic pools. You're stripped down to your core. She's amazed by the scope of the production apparatus. She's not a schemer. She wants to be a challenge beast - not the best woman but the best overall. She'd love to have a Wendell and Dom relationship with another woman. But, she wants to avoid the drama as long as she can.
My take: Could Chelsea be Wendell to her Dom? She's so wholesome. She's just so "Olympics." I love her and everything she represents. I'd love to see her rocket through the swimming competitions, lapping everyone else. Go Elizabeth.